Post deleted by sundog

sundog,

My reply to her would be ...If that is truly what you want, go back to work.............I will be gone when you get home.

And mean it.

Sundog- Look at all you have accomplished to date...of course she's angry...when did you say that last contact was made? Do you think that this is all WS talk?

sun doggie:
Curious,
why it has to be "that" job and NO Other (ever, anywhere)??

Except that OM is there .........uhmmmm there are millions of jobs in this country alone.

Sure,
not all of them are across the street or around the corner.

BUT Every Job I've seen,
they ALL pay $$$$$$$$.

My W quit her job and we sold our House and moved to another state.
Sure it all was a huge hassle and headache .......but it showed (proved to me by ACTIONS) what she was willing to do.
Also it was Nice to have Common Goals again .......that helped bring us together.

Thankfully,
my W has no moved on to a better job, with better hours, and even better Pay (per hour anyways).
One she NEVER would have gotten if she'd stayed at the A workplace.

Unfortunately,
First your W must change her attitude, before her circumstances will follow.

But whatever you do DO,
please don't Accept her Going back to her A partner.
She gave up that RIGHT, once she chose to Cross that Line.
Sad (for her) but True!

Only way she goes back .....is if he leaves First.

My WH choose to have an A with MY best friend..
The four of us (me, WH, OW and OWH) went bowling every weekend..
After D-day my WH sulked about no longer going bowling anymore...
Sheez...
WS's have some serious growing up to do, sometimes.

Sundog,

The way you worded your post

"She feels that she doesn't control her life completely. This is mainly attributed to the fact that I won't agree that she could work again at her former job."

This is a consequence of her own actions...hers alone. She chose to quit working there...you cannot stop her from going back to work there...she is choosing not to go back. She wants to be married, instead.

In your talks, do you hand back her words with choice inserted? And use choice in your own statements?

"She says I need to start trusting her again, and let her work where she wants (referring to the former job)."

"I know you're choosing not to work where you had an affair. I respect your choice."

When you say:
"I say that working there would put our marriage and family at rist because FOM is still there." That's like telling her what she already knows. She knows. Respect she knows.

The more she acknowledges her choices (and has them acknowledged)...the less there can be resentment...and yes, what Cymanca said, only as a reality bringer (you can't control her).

Same with her feeling like a wound opening...her own wound...another consequence...listen and acknowledge. Her choice in finding another job or not, correct?

No need for you to spill your blood at all...this is about her only...not you. You're not doing it. You are honoring and protecting your marriage...even when you don't want to honor and protect your FWW.

What's on the IC/MC horizon? How long has NC been in place (solid) for?

When you listen and acknowledge...that doesn't mean you agree...only that you heard. She can feel she's not in complete control of her life...fact remains, she is. Validate what she feels as hers and you know that. Hold your own truth. Do you do those O&H statements about what is only yours?

Recovery can feel like wearing lead weights while treading water in the sea...you can release those weights by not expecting her to feel, think or believe differently than she does right now...

LA