This does SMELL FISHY. Any evidence of continued contact? Where is the OW now? During these early stages, I don't think it's a bad idea to keep an EYE on the ENEMY.

Expose this first before going back to PLAN B.

Sorry...

ChaCha- DH and I are in the same boat right now, there's NC either, but he has said that he doesn't want to talk because something people need meanless conversation. His fear is that we will talk R everyday. You may want to ask some questions first...

Can you give us a little more information? Maybe we can offer you something better...

ChaCha,

I've been keeping up with your situation and I'm sorry that your FWH is being like this. I know that mine acted similar to this a few weeks in and it was b/c he had not told me everything. He was still keeping a huge secret and it caused him to withdraw from me again.

Once he divulged this secret he had carryed around for 5 years things started getting a little better but it wasn't until the last 2 weeks that things have been going great. I would still see a little of this moodiness/withdrawal from time to time until he found out some info about OW that upset him. Since then he's a different person.

Don't give up. I also found that when things seemed to build up and we had a HUGE argument right after FWH moved home it seemed to move things along again. Not recommending you go pick a fight but maybe a talk and airing some thoughts will do you both good.

The day that FWH found out some unpleasant info about OW he broke NC and had texted her back and forth all day. I found these and was on my way to tell him to move out. He saw that I meant business, it was kind of like a reminder of plan B which could also have helped our situation.

Remember, this road of recovery is not smooth. There were days I really started to doubt what I was doing but i'm so happy I've stuck it out. I'm really starting to see all of the positive things my FWH IS doing.

I'm glad to see you are posting again.

InADaze,

Thank you from me for that information. I appreicate it!

What do you think ChaCha?

You are welcome. I keep up with your situation too, I just don't post a whole lot to others. I haven't really felt like I have much to offer anyone else.

Hang in there and focus on the positive things your FWH DOES DO. Mimi kept trying to tell me this and it finally made its way through.

Even if you think you are meeting your FWH's needs, reassess and step it up another notch. You may have backed off and not even realized it. It's hard to maintain meeting someone's needs when they aren't meeting yours. Daisy (on recovery board) told me (and it makes so much sense) focus on being the best wife you can be b/c that's what you want to be not just to satisfy your FWH. Now, even when he may not be meeting my needs it doesn't matter I am still going to be the best wife I can be at all times.

Take care.

AND...

Why is it that he has not moved back HOME?

IMO, there's lots of value in the PRACTICE and ROUTINE of living together as a MARRIED couple...

Gets him out of his ALIEN WAYS...and back into the REAL WORLD...

Its just sooo frustrating cause I do see glimpses of my H at times. He is just so CLOSED off to me. Its like pulling teeth. I really believe he would just let it out, disclose about the A, and tell me whats on his mind he would just feel so much better. Its kind of like throwing up when you feel nausous. Nobody likes to throw up but when you do and get all that muck and bile out of your system you feel so much better. My H would rather suffer then vomit. I think FWH is swallowing all his guilt and its eating away at him.

He has not disclosed ANY details of A, barely admitted to inappropriate friendship that got "somewhat" physical. I know it is much more than that. D-day was about a 1 1/2 yrs ago. I think I've been patient long enough.

He has several "reasons" why he will not move home; 1st he said "I hate this town and all the people in it." (FWH was president of local athletic assoc, he was on planning/zoning, member of the town council.) He was very high profile in town, as was I.

Then he said "I won't move back home because I don't want things to return to status quo."

I think the REAL reason is he is haunted by the things that he did and he is ashamed to face the communtiy he was so much a part of.

I think I will present it to him kind of like in "Joseph's Letter", I am haunted as well. I only have a few pieces of the puzzle. OW was a family friend, I look back over the years and remember certain occassions and wonder was it going on then. She was always here and in our town.When I think about baseball...my first thought is not of my son's 1st home run but of how they used baseball as a cover for contact. All the "special meetings", the places they would go. I don't know how or when it started, I don't know how far it went during and I'm not sure of how it ended. All I know is that he looked me in the eye and lied...I knew he lied and he still denied for a VERY long time.

I tried to answer everyone in one post but I left some things out.

Rin...thanks for the support, I keep an eye out for you too.(no pun intended..how is your eye BTW?)

Shattered...the job is going well. I got my 1st official paycheck last week. The raise is REALLY nice! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and knowing I have my own health benefits and security is just priceless. How are things w/ you? have you updated lately? How's your son?

Orchid....wouldn't it be great if it was that easy to find H instead of Xwh? Thanks for checking on me.

Mimi....I have been in contact w/ OWH and things have not progressed for them. He is still living home but headed for D. She has not disclosed anything about A either. Makes me think there is some kind of pact...they are keeping eachother's secret. uck! I don't have access to his work cell or his work email and he is not home everynight so I don't know for sure, but...my gut radar is not indicating anything.

I just emailed FWH. He agreed to meet w/ me tonight. I am going to drive up there so we don't have to worry about the kids.

Any suggestions on approaching this?

is c/b that easy. I asked the WS.

Go ask him....tonight. It may bring him to tears or show you his real reason.

L.

"how is your eye BTW?"

Well, The swelling in my face is down...i returned to work today...LOL still looking like a monster...the eye itself is still swollen pretty bad...I'll make it! Thanks for asking!

Have you considered moving? I was just wondering if that was a consideration if it means that the two of you will move forward in your M...

I have NO problem moving. I grew up in the air force and to me home is where the heart is. A house can be replaced. Although the house we are in now is one that my grandfather had built for my grandmother....but a chance to start over with something that is just ours would be wonderful. BUT I want to be sure he is sincere and not just trying to get me out of the house so he can get 1/2 the money.

Wish me luck tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.

Good Luck Cha Cha. I hope you get some answers. Keep thinking powerful thoughts.

S.

Goodluck CC! Stay strong and it will all work out for you.
HTW

Best wishes girlfriend! We're all here for you!

I'll post more tomorrow.

BUT...I wanted to let you guys know that things went well...better then I expected. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi ChaChaCha
Sorry to see that things didn't pan out as you have hoped after the P.Rico trip but I'm still rooting for you. You seem really strong even though frustrated with what's been happening.

I am going to post my own update too ... as soon as I can find my thread! Do drop by <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

~A

I can't wait to hear how things went ChaCha...

It went very well last night. We went out to dinner and pleasant conversation, then back to the RV (where he is staying) and we TALKED & LISTENED! It seems we have a Mars/Venus kind of communication thing going on. He is not walking away. He felt that recovery so far has been very one-sided....his side! I was feeling the same except it was my side! The arguement we had last week stemmed from him not feeling cared for...so apparently he does want me to fill his needs but he hasn't communicated what those needs are. I think we are due to do EN questionaire.

It was a very productive talk. He tried to get me to do the talking but I mostly listened. and when it was my turn I felt that I was heard and understood. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

We are working towards him moving home. I told him that I missed having my husband and asked if he had seen him. He said he hadn't seen him in a while. I told him my husband was a wonderful man and if he sees him tell him I miss him and I want him to come home. He said he would give him the message. Lets hope!

The night ended with a great hug and a passionate kiss! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

OOOHHHhhh, ChaCha! That's wonderful! I'm so happy that you felt it was a productive conversation!

You'll have to read my new thread to see what happened this morning...OMG!

Oh ((((((ChaCha)))))

I am excited to hear how things are going in the future...please continue to post...