YEAH!!!! I'm so happy for you.

So he will consider moving home to your current location?

CC, you see your FWH is in the confict stage and that is a great sign for your M. You can bring him back to the intimacy stage as Dr. Harley states, however you will have to put your taker away for awhile longer.

He is open to having his EN's met by you...that is terrific. Once you get the EN questionair filled out you can slowly start filling his most important EN's.

Great news CC! You are doing great!

I'm still so excited for you...we just may have to give you a character...LOL...


Superwoman's open! I like her invisible jet and her costume! AmI said I couldn't pick her because I already had my pumpkin and slipper and all! Bumper! LOL

Hi Cha Cha,

Glad to hear things went so well. Communication is a tricky thing isn't it? I wonder how many relationships are devoured by people misreading the other?

What are you doing this weekend? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

My dear, while I am happy to see progress, I must caution you to be careful. He wants U to fill his needs....that's very WSish.....so don't let that ploy fool you into filling his selfish need vs a genuine one.

If he really is headed toward recovery....it is your need that should be foremost.

Go read....giver/taker by Dr Harley.

L.

I've been going back and re-reading some of the basics and SAA. Its funny how when you are at a different spot on the spiral stair case (LA's example on rinderella's thread) you get something different out of the same information.

I guess we are still on par for recovery. I am behaving and doing things by example. Trying to be the best spouse (not perfect) that I can be. Not because I'm asked to or feel obligated to. Just kind of like the golden rule. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

FWH was home all weekend and we worked on the house together. I even learned how to glaze windows...in a room w/ 12 windows its a teadious process. FWH hates doing it and I don't mind at all. He has done some beautiful work w/ the trim. The room is coming together nicely.

He is away in Puerto Rico again this week. Before he left I printed out the EN Questionaire and asked it to fill it out while he is away. I will do the same.

CC, If your FWH is anything like me, you are probably filling more of his EN's than you know.

My most important EN's are:

1) SF <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
2 Recreational Companionship
3) Physical Attractiveness
4) Admiration
5) Affection
6) Domestic Support

So by looking nice (as I'm sure you do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) while assisting your FWH on working on your house, you are surely filling some of his EN's (#2 & #3). Throw in a some well timed comments on his well crafted trim work and now you covered #4.

There is something sexy about a woman working on a house project in jeans and a t-shirt. Always look nice and smell nice...we love that. Don't forget to throw in the occasional and natural sounding compliment.

I tell you right now, if my WW did that with me and finished the day with SF, I would be puddy in her hands. So keep doing what you are doing and I have a feeling your FWH will suprise you one day...hopefully soon.

Once you find out what his EN's are you can focus your attention on those. He may suprise you with his choices, but we men are simple creatures. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

So keep your guard up as Orchid suggested while targeting his most important EN's.

You are doing great!

WHere are you and why are you hiding? Is it a conspiracy?

CC- I hope sincerely that you are being given many blessing right now and that is why you are not gracing us with your class! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'm worried about you, are you okay? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

LOL...don't make me call in reinforcements! I'll have an AO, make a SD, and then DJ you! After that we can POJA and use PORH to protect, care, give UA, and talk honestly while managing our resentment and restoring trust. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />


I amuse myself sometimes...I really do! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HI thanks for thinking of me. You amuse me too! LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

After work on Thursday I drove up to my sister's (I took the kids up the day before). We went school shopping at the outlets in Lancaster, I had a great time seeing my sis...we don't get together enough.

While we were shopping I got a call from FWH his plane had landed from Puerto Rico. I told him we were shopping and w/ travel time and all we wouldn't be home until after 10 PM. I asked what his plans were. He said he was going to call his brother and see what was going on, he wasn't sure he was going home or to the RV.

The kids and I went to bed around 12 MN I didn't hear anything further from FWH. 2AM he slipped into bed, startled me because I didn't hear him come in. I whispered I was glad I didn't lock the extra deadbolt. He said it didn't matter he would have found a way to get in. He was almost desperate to be w/me. He smelled like beer so I asked where he had been. "you know here & there." I asked w/who?..."me, myself and I. No since you guys were gonna be late I went to K's and we went out, I lost track of time and then it was too late to call."

Today he volunteers what his are plans to the kids. When I ask its "this and that" and when I press for more details, its like I'm asking for the moon. Begrudgingly he tells me what he plans then I shared my plans. Is it habit from living a secret life? trying to cover his tracks?

I haven't asked about the EN questionaire yet.

While he was away when he called one night he did tell me that a guy he works w/ down there took him to dinner at a place w/ lots of cleavage...not a strip club sounds more like a "Hooters". He couldn't remember what he ate but said the beer was cold and the service was good.Ha Ha! We joked about it. I'm not thrilled he went to that kind of place but he didn't have to tell me about it so I didn't give him a hard time....trying to create safe environment for the truth. Did I handle that the right way?

Its crazy going from desperate to be w/ me to not seeming to care in the least. It does talk about that in SAA. Its LB deposits are being made but the feeling is not sustained because the threshold has not been reached. Thats what I hoping for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What's the matter with him going to that kind of place if he wants to go? Why would you give him a hard time about that?

Just wondered about your thinking on that Cha-Cha...

Sounds like your Recovery is going great!!!!

He came HOME to YOU!!!


REMEMBER...ACTIONS NOT WORDS....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I disagree Mimi.

Why do they need to do this? If my husband had been out all night gawking at a bunch of cheap hooker's T&A, I would not be all gaga over him upon his return.

It's demoralizing to women and it reduces them to a pair of tits. Isn't that what our society says we are? Isn't that what those places reduce us to? Does that not somehow enourage affair behavior? Everything is reduced to a sexual charge.

If my husband was out with the guys (which I encourage) enjoying a few beers - and then came home to see me, I'd be all over him like the Happy Hooker.

If he is out all night with the Happy Hooker - he can stay there. If he wants tramps, he can have them. I have too much class to tolerate that.

Let's turn this around Mimi. What if everytime we want to socialize with our friends, it involves booze and half naked men? Just for ****** and giggles, of course. No harm done to anyone right? We'll gawk at their crotches, comment on the size, maybe grab some azz here and there. Everything's cool, right? Hardy har har Ralphy boy, check out the nuts at 6:00 and bring me another round! Then when I stagger home with beer breath my significant other should greet me with open arms and just be thankful that I came home to get laid?

I don't think so. This is such a double standard. Fire in the hole - I'm about to blow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I'm not a big fan of Hooters either, Shattered...

But, HONESTLY, men enjoy looking at women's bodies...whether it's at Hooter's or at Walmart....

I personally don't find anything WRONG about that...it's human nature, IMO...

Don't some women go and enjoy the MALE DANCERS..

Mimi & Shattered thanks for weighing in.

I don't really have a problem w/ Hooters type bars...he did not have an affair w/ a bimbo he picked up at a bar. But they would often go to a bar and drink and hang out. A little alcohol to let down some inhabitions helped the A along. He was in Puerto Rico going to the bar. He doesn't wear his wedding ring, I don't know the people he works w/ there...I don't even know if they know he is married. He goes to Puerto Rico once a month for 5 days at time. If he decided to start a new A there....I would have no way of knowing. He has not earned my trust yet. I guess I get nervous w/ him going into that environment when our M is so fragile.

When he came home Friday he was out w/ his guy friend and they went to a neighborhood bar (not hooters type). He hasn't had a night out w/ this friend in a couple months.

We had a good weekend...it seems the wind is shifting a bit.Just a little change in tone and attitude. This might not sound like much but FWH used my name this weekend when talking to me. (HTW will get this) He use to ignore me like I was a piece of furniture. He would not address by my name or any other manor. He would just make statements. Its hard to explain.

We worked on the house again...attaching window weights, putting up trim and priming. The room is going to be gorgeous. After dinner we played cards and had a blast. Joking about silly things. At one point we were all laughing so hard we were all crying and gasping for breath. I don't even remember what was so funny now...but it was great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I like when MWIL compared it to being like the family cat!

CC, I've heard many who have gone through recovery state that the changes are almost imperceptible at first, but you notice them because the actions are changing. It's like when your FWH was active in his A...you knew something was wrong but you couldn't put your finder on it.

These are great signs and it shows that your FWH is beginning to reconnect with you. No R-talk and keeping it light is the key while you try to meet as many of his EN's as possible.

Keep it up honey...you are doing great!

HTW