Hey... new to the site.

On July 17, my wife called me at work crying saying she wasn't happy and wanted to leave.

I knew she wasn't ecstatic in the marriage, but thought that me being a good father, good husband in general, hard worker, etc. would keep us together.

She said she "loves me but is not in love with me" and that she doesn't feel like she thinks she should feel toward her husband.

We just bought a second home last year to enjoy, we have a beautiful home, two healthy fantastic kids... the dream life other than the fact that she says she's not attracted to me and doesn't love me like a husband.

She used to complain alot about my appearance. I've improved it over the last couple years, but she's harped on the things that I can't do much about like losing my hair slowly. She says that she's totally annoyed by me. My wife's VERY beautiful and VERY vane.

We went to counseling and the counselor said that Julie really needs the therapy and that we're not even close to marriage counseling. She brings up ALOT from the past that doessn't even happen anymore.

We had a child at a very young age and ended up getting married when our daughter was 4 years old. We had our differences, but have evolved (I thought) to a point where we had alot of common interests. We do things together, we both love the kids.

She's going to therapy later this month. She doesn't want to do anything with me. When she's nice, I feel like there's hope... when she's cold, I feel like there's none. She says she feels the same as when she told me. I know I'm smothering her a little with conversations and questions, but what am I supposed to do? She's the one I've been living my life for and making ALL my life decisions with and for. Now she's gonna walk? I don't think she's thinking of the consequences (which is actually pretty common for her). She likes nice things and doing things... we'll be financially devastated. We're now mortgaged to the hilt, we took a risk on this second home as an investment and now she wants to leave.

But she hasn't yet... how do i get through the day and give here the space I know she needs?

Your thoughts are appreciated. I never thought this would happen to us. We made it through the tough times and we're at a point where we can really enjoy ourselves and she's going to throw it all away because she "doesn't get that feeling"? Life's not a romance novel... marriage is a committment. I'm frustrated, angry, and sad all at the same time and have no clue how to handle it.

Thanks for reading...

move this to GQII forum.... your not ready for divorce you need plan a

Walt

sorry that you are here...

But, man, this sounds like the classic Affair to me. It could just be that she has emotionally attached herself to someone or it could have progressed to physical but it has all the signs of being one. Like Vike said move this to GQII forum to get more answers.

Welcome, Walt W.

Can you fill us in a little more on what the counselor said? Plan A will not work if your wife is suffering from a mental illness, a mood disorder like depression or bipolar, or if she has a personality disorder.

Read the Basic Concepts on this site, and post either on Emotional Needs or General Questions II. Meanwhile, you may want to get some more information. Do a little snooping to find out if your wife is in an affair. Also find out if she’s contacted a lawyer. If she has, you may want to get in touch with one in order to find out what’s the worst she can do to you. It would be for Informational purposes only.

Working on saving your marriage is a wild adventure, as you’re discovering. Like most adventures, it tends to be unpleasant while your in it, but you’ll learn and grow a lot. And you may be able to have your wife and a fantastic marriage all rolled up together.