Committed…I concur with Star’s post and concerns about this 100%. I’m also struggling to let this one go…especially after what recently happened on MB.

Committed…I agree that any private discussion is indeed “private” and it is the right of the members in such private group to discuss whatever their hearts desire. Also, I know that people in such “private groups” (whether it’s between friends, colleagues, board members, family or spouses etc.) will sometimes discuss other people or even “gossip” and say “bad” things about them etc. (even though the person might not be there to defend him/herself - I think most people are guilty of this one or other time(s) in their life's), but IMO, as soon as such PRIVATE discussions about another person(s) in such a group escalate to a level where boundaries are crossed and the effects of such discussions become EXTERNAL (for example…by putting the name of the person(s) who are/were discussed publicly on a list) it can have a negative impact on the person(s) who are/were discussed and even bring the “name” of an innocent person into disrepute. This is a serious problem and violation IMO. As Star has said previously, rather attack the problem on a board than the people who might be part of the problem.

Even “boring” people can be discussed and gossiped about...and a person doesn’t necessarily have to be “egotistical” to think this…in fact, the exact opposite might be true... Anyway, to discover (through affirmation or confirmation of someone’s words) that you were indeed discussed in a negative way by members of a board…a board where you’ve invested in emotionally over a couple of years…and a place where you’ve always tried to be honest and open…also about your human weaknesses and failings…is very painful (at least it was for me). However, I’m still working to get to a place where I “couldn’t care less”, but I don’t know if such an attitude is within the scope of my personality…it’s not who I am.

Just wanted to share this with you...

My H has advised me to stay away from here after all that has happened recently with IWRA. I will never respond to IWRA personally again either. This will be my last post on MB.

I don't know what is true or not true about IWRA. Who knows if she even had any affairs or is even married? I'm sorry that I ever got involved with "trying" to help her.

IWRA sent an email last night that she is banned and blocked from this site and cannot even view it. I hope this will help her find a "real life" with her husband, and I truly hope and pray that she gets the help she needs.

2B, why would this be your last post?
Is this your own choice?

Don't let the holodeck phantasy of one confused individual blacken (is that a word <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) the whole MB community.

This is my choice. I spent way too much time on this site. I need to stay away and concentrate on my marriage and family. Thank you to all the offered advice to me.

Suzet,

So, I guess we should not allow people on MB to meet for their "get togethers" just in case they are going to "talk" about the people on MB? Should we then not permit emails between members...because that happens there too.

It is NONE of my business what people think of me. It is THEIR business. It bothers me not. People are going to be in "private" settings (emails,phones,OTHER boards that are 'private')and discussing the people on MB.

Doesn't it seem a bit "high schoolish" to carry on demanding to be told if "you talked about me".? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

That stuff goes on in high school. The girls that did it, just did it...but the ones that made a fuss demanding to know... seemed to be the ones that started up the drama concerning it. I would *shrug* and go on.

If this site allowed private forums for that kind of stuff, it might be different, I am not sure if it would bother me even then.

It all goes back to the original MB addage...you cannot control someone else, all you can control is how you react toward them. Cease to react...take your power back and let it go.

committed

Suzet, I am afraid that you will have to let it go, though. There is nothing you can do about what happens on a private board. It is PRIVATE. There are numerous private board spin offs of Marriage Builders, btw. What happens there is none of your business or my business. And there ain't a thing you or I can do about that. There are also many, many friendships outside of MB among MB friends and none of us can ever control what happens there, nor should we try. Becasue it is none of our business.

With that in mind, let me leave you with a thought from AA that I think will be helpful in your angst:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference....

Suzet, I will clarify and address this issue, though. MEDC's call out thread with a hit "list" had nothing to do with my private board. That was ENTIRELY his own doing and was never something I would back or would be backed by my board. I felt badly that was done to you and agree that it was wrong. Please know that I would never endorse such a thing and am sorry that was done to you.

BigKahuna,
I was NOT aware of her fwd. to you. So in an effort to come clean I make a specific apology to MelodyLane who I said very mean things about. And a blanket apology to all other MBers that I said weren't behaving very christianlike because it was I who was NOT. So to all of you I apologize.

Melody...I was wrong to judge you so quickly and with so little knowledge of who you are. I truly am sorry and I am grateful for your catch on this sybil thing. You are correct that she wants to recruit others to be against you.

Also the email posted on the other thread about this by 2B (written in blue font by IRWA) contains one BIG difference in the story that she told me. I will go no further than that. Except if she was being completly honest then she would come clean about this too.

IRWA- I did forgive you because I thought your heart was in the right place. YOU were NOT honest with me. I still forgive you but you need to get some help for this problem. You know who you need forgiveness from and it's not me.



Thanks Bigkahuna for being honest about that.

Jilly, please know that I have never had any hard feelings about that and knew what she was doing. I appreciate your apology very much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Committed, you missed the whole point of my post… I’ve said that I agree private conversations is private and none of anyone’s business as long as it stays private. Of course private conversations between members can’t be “controlled”… However (as I’ve said) private discussions (whether it takes place on private boards/e-mail/phone or face-to-face) becomes a problem when such private discussions about someone else escalate to a level where boundaries are crossed and the effects of such discussions become EXTERNAL and PUBLIC (as recently happened on BM with the “list of names”). As soon as something like this happens it is NOT private anymore but INDEED other peoples business (especially the people who were discussed). Can you see the difference?

Anyway, I don’t think the fact that I’ve raised my concerns and let MEDC know about my anger, hurt and disappointment was “high schoolish” or “creating drama” at all… No, that’s how I felt and I wanted him to know so that we could clear up this issue. That’s all. I’m sure MEDC understand that… I don’t feel angry with MEDC anymore and in spite of everything that happened and the arguments we’ve had, I still think he is an honest, sincere person who’ve had good intentions with that thread…and I still would like to interact with him in future. I don’t have “hard feelings” towards him anymore, although I still feel sad IN GENERAL about the recent happenings.

Melody, thanks for this post…I appreciate your clarification very much. Thanks also for The Serenity Prayer in your other post! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

All I can say is...wow.

The only other thing I can think of to say about this whole mess is what we heard as kids...

"If you don't have anything nice to say..."

...based on that, I've got nothing further I can say to or about IWRA or whoever the heck that was.

Anyone that has seen me on these boards knows I don't need a group to convince me to do anything that might be considered politically incorrect.
And I would say, with all due respect to Suzet... look at who I included on that list. A few of them seem to be missing now huh? Heck, if you count IWRA's multiple personalities... more than a few.
I really think this issue of another board is getting ridiculous. Do I talk about other people and their views on things. Absolutely. I talk about it here.... I talk about it to my girlfriend and my friends. This place is part of my experiences during the day.... it is open for discussion at any point.
So, let's get back to the topec at hand... rather than spending time chasing our tails discussing who may or may not have been talked about. Who cares? I am more concerned with the damage that has been done by the recent freaks on this board. I just pray that a WS didn't get the justification needed to continue harming their M.
Have a nice day all.

I am flabbergasted that you have nothing to say about the destruction and harm your little buddy here has inflicted on this board for YEARS, with your help, I might add, but instead lecture her victims to avoid saying anything "not nice." UNBELIEVABLE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Welcome to looneyville!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My my what a HOOT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

And what a disappointment Owl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

You mean after ALL you've had to Say on multiple threads ....... NOW is when you choose to pipe down? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Come On , what's that about anyways?

Must be tough not coming to the Defense of your Peeps. (with it being soo ingrained and all) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

thousands

maybe tens of thousands of words

brain cells of YOURS

used up

supporting and helping a WHAT?

a ghost?
a fiction?

why aren't you upset?

weird

Pep

Bluntly...I'm thoroughly disgusted by all that IWRA/whatever her name was caused. I'm seriously bent that I DID spend all that time trying to help someone who really was just here to cause trouble.

And I'll also offer an apology to all those that were clearly right in this case...she WAS just a waste of time, effort, etc...

I'll add a couple more things if ya like....

Mel- I've never once claimed to be "wise". Heck...if I was "wise", I would have been smart enough to have avoided all the issues in my own life, wouldn't I? I will freely admit that YOU WERE RIGHT when it came down to IWRA. You and I will always disagree on how we treat people I'm sure, but I'll give you that you were right, and she was really no more than a troll here.

Top Rope- She's never been "my buddy". Bluntly, I don't have any "buddies" on this site. I've jumped in to defend those that I thought were being verbally trashed many times...and if I truly feel the need to do so, I'll continue. I STILL think that how we say something is at least as important as what we say. That's not changed.

Pep- Don't think I'm NOT upset. Honestly...I'm flabbergasted that she successfully pulled the wool over a LOT of eyes here. Am I upset for having wasted all that time trying to defend someone who was only here for attention? YOU BET!!!!

But what's to be done about it? Nothing. Can't change the past.

Hopefully I'll be better at spotting situations in the future and avoid getting tangled in someone's desperate need for drama in the future.

Note I've backed off on these forums lately...tired of trying to help others...tired of 'defending others' when no one else seems to give a rat's behind how someone is treated when they come here...whatever.

So anyway...there ya go.

OWL


What is your personal take home message about all of this?

Pep