I've heard all the usual fog talk from my H about how he never really loved me and I guess I'm just starting to question if this really is fog talk, or if he's simply telling the truth.

Just looking for opinions.

Sure it's possible.

More likely, though, he's intoxicated on the love drug and he's comparing his current feelings of lust to whatever he felt when he made the conscious decision to marry you.

He's telling his truthiness for the moment. He may actually believe it. But he's comparing apples to baseballs. Both round, but nothing else in common. When you're drunk, everything is so clear.

JMHO

History for the fogbound, becomes revised. They forget about the feeling of euphoria they felt when they made the decision to marry you.

No one forced them to marry you, no one stood over them with a shotgun painted white (or did they?) They loved you enough to marry you.

I love the Harley's idea that if they loved you once, they can love you again...

It is easier for them to think they never loved you, less guilt that way...they know deep down inside that's not true, but somehow, if they say, and get you to beleive it, it becomes more true for them...

Then if they never loved you it makes everything they are saying and doing with another person "OK"...as though love gives you an excuse to do anything, to hurt anyone...

My answer to this...if it were truly love, it wouldn't hurt other people...

I would venture to say there is a strong possiblility that both are true simulataneously.

On the one hand..I agree with WAT..the "lust" dopamine response [early romance stage] will make affectionate love [more mature stage] diminish by comparison.

The clincher is that this lust response is ALWAYS a limited time offer..it simply is not sustainable for any couple by any means. Some people are addicted to it though..it is their definition of what "love" is so every time the effect wears off..they seek it out via a new source [new relationship]. You will recognize these sad individuals by their serial monogomy..they simply can not sustain a relationship beyond a few years and play out the same cycle throughout their lives.

Then there is the revisionist history to contend with.

You know..everyone does this..not just WSs. When the data doesn't fot your current agenda it is human nature to simply reapply the facts and put a new spin on them.

Sometimes when a person is in an addiction they will extend this trait sometimes even remembering or creating events that NEVER occurred. In these instances it is more readily apparent that there is some degree of mental illness involved.

Looking at things with a wide lense..I would say that it is likely that the WS has both never adapted to a more mature definition of "love" and as such the expectations may be unrealistic and has applied some revisionist history..combined with the fact that you are dealing with an addict and logic has no place in any arguament or objection.

In short..he will believe what he needs to believe in order to sustain the addiction and quiet his conscience..none of this has any reflection on you or your history.

Love is a choice, an action word. Lust is a reaction, a "taker," "what's in it for ME" word. Feelings that make one feel "in love" come AFTER acting on the choice TO love.

Too many people confuse the two.

They really know how to "get" you with that one, don't they? First the affair shatters our perception of the present, then they use a line like that to make you doubt the entire past.

Most of the time, it's a load of bull. They may believe it, but that just shows how messed up they are.

Did your WS show by actions before the affair that you were loved?