First off, I love my wife very much. She is the most important person in my life, and I make certain that she is aware of how much I adore her. We have been together for 16 years and married for 11 of them. We have two beautiful children who we both love dearly.

With our job situation being as it is, we have not been able to devote time to each other, and our marriage, and have focused solely on the needs of our children. It has been this way for nearly a year.

She just told me that she does not know if she is still in love with me, and trying to "will herself to do it" is not working. I certainly do not want her to will herself to do anything that she is not happy doing. I have made arrangements to change my work schedule so we are able to spend considerably more time together.

My problem lies in the area of how to proceed. I want to give her space to work through her thoughts and emotions, but still be there for her. I try to speak with her to find out what it is that she does not feel like she is getting emotionally so that I can focus my attention on those areas. I am concerned that she is not really interested in trying, because she seems closed off. I don't doubt that she still has feelings for me, she shows me this in her actions. I am going to be re-focusing my attention on getting to know her again, but don't want her to think that I am only doing it because our marriage is in trouble. That is not my motivation. Like I said, I absolutely adore her. My thought is that it took time for things to get to where they are, and it will take time for them to return to the way they were.

Any help and advice would be much appreciated.

Bg,

Sorry you find yourself needing help.

Is there an OM (other man)? I assume you posted on the infidelity forum because of an A (affair)?

Tells us what you know for sure in detail. It's often the things you hear, and see are so cokkie cutter from one A to another it makes thing easy to assist you to make a determination, or help you find answers.

I posted on this thread by mistake. She insists that there is no OM, and I have to believe her. I asked her the other night if she was lonely, and she told me that she was. She has always been so important to me. The decisions we made with work were made mutually in the interest of our children. We have always been able to speak about everything that would have an impact on the family, but for some reason or other have let things fall apart with us. She has gone to her EAP, and I am too. I want to go through MC, but she wants to finish with her other counseling first.

HI bgtg,

Sorry to see you bounce around, but please post this in the GENERAL QUESTIONS section of the Message Board. It gets tons more traffic, you will get more resonses.

Also, change title to something like WIFE IN WITHDRAWL... since that is what you are dealing with. You'll get more specific resonses.

That said, you need to read up on Plan A, EN's, LB's and the 180. Go to the articles section of this site. You want to focus meeting her top 3 EN's, ELIMINATE your LB's and throw a little 180 in, for sanity's sake.

Start the new thread, I'll follow you. Hang in there - Dru