Does anyone have experiences with a spouse who lives with a mental illness? Does anyone think it could be like living with an alcoholic? I see a therapist here and there, and we get marriage counseling here and there (steady for over a year at one point), but we're SO stuck in a pattern of misery. I sometimes wonder if this person I care deeply about is terminally unhappy. The therapist I see keeps harking back to her bi-polar as a reason for her erratic and abusive behavior. After looking through so many of these posts, I can empathize with those of you who are terribly unhappy in your marriages. I too had/have this dream of marital bliss that has yet to have been realized.

I invite anyone to respond with any thoughts or ideas they might have. Good luck to you all!

Does your spouse live with a mental illness? single choice
	yes
	no
Votes accepted starting: 08/14/06 06:17 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

"Does anyone have experiences with a spouse who lives with a mental illness? Does anyone think it could be like living with an alcoholic?"

Yes and Yes. My W is both. It is hard. Lately, one week to the next the story changes. Lately I keep hearing the only time she is happy is when she is in the bar hanging with her "friends" - drunk. Doesn't like being at home cause it's boring. The things we fight about in order....Her hanging at the bar, Her OCD and the need for the house to be immaculate (we have kids, not gonna happen), her secret life/friends at the bar that she will not share with me or invite me along. As I said, one week will be good the next is misery.

It's taking its toll and I'm starting to think that there will never be a resolution. Whether BP or Alcohol, something always gets in the way of developing a deep relationship without secrets.

I've been having a hard time with my wife also (for years).

Last weekend she was brought into a hospital rehab and diagnosed with bipolar (she was previously diagnosed with depression, since she was a teenager). She also abuses alcohol and is sometimes verbally abusive to me, usually but not always after drinking. It's only been 4 days since she was released. So I currently have some hope.

Is she getting help? Have they tried adjusting the meds? Has she tried checking into rehab (the one my wife was in was for both addictions and/or mental illnesses).

From what I've read the manic portion can manifest it self as almost any inappropriate behavior including anger ,abuse, drinking etc...

The good days and the bad days seem to come without warning. The only sign it was going to be a bad day (evening) was if she had been drinking.

I am not a trained psychologist. But my soon-to-be ex-wife is definitely afflicted with some sort of mental malady. She can be happy-go-lucky one moment and , then , without warning or provocation, become a miserable malcontent with nothing pleasant to say to anyone. What causes it?? I don't know. But she claims to have found bliss in the arms of a co-worker at the post office and filed for divorce. Initially, I thought the pain would take me under for the 3 count. But now I am thinking she may have done me a solid. It would take to long to run through the sequence of events which have, as one result, brought me to this forum. But she has no memory of a single good time in our 16 year marriage. She physically abused me once but has no memory of this either. I never physically abuse her. She beat on me with her fists as hard as she could and having turned every which way so as not to get hit in the same spot more than once and realizing she had no intention of stopping, I grabbed her wrists and held her until some semblance of sanity returned to her. And the verbal and emotional abuse I endured throughout the 16 years could fill a book. And now she is divorcing me. Funny thing is when she took the job at the post office I had a premonition things would take a turn for the worst. It proved to be true. Looking back I now see things which should have tipped me off that all was not well. But then I didn't see them for what they were. Maybe it was denial of what I sensed. A friend of mine who knows her said only one thing: "Good riddence to bad rubbish." I think I am beginning to share the sentiment.
He is another letter carrier, and is black, and she has, on two or three occasions, taunted me with his physical endowment. Who cares. If she thinks that is all it takes for a meaningful life, she has a few things to learn. Bottom line for me is I am beginning to see that she has done me a great favor. She never was much of a companion. So what am I losing? Very little really. Our daughter is her shadow at the present time. She is a few months from 16 years old and pretty much agrees with her mother that it was time for me to go. She puts on a great act now when she can't avoid seeing me, but I know she likes having her own way and not having me to advise and consent. And as time passes, I am noticing the idea of being alone again may not be so bad afterall. I'll keep you posted if I can remember to return here. My memory hasn't fully stabilized yet from trying to recall all the 'bad' things she says I did.

"She beat on me with her fists as hard as she could and having turned every which way so as not to get hit in the same spot more than once and realizing she had no intention of stopping, I grabbed her wrists and held her until some semblance of sanity returned to her."

I'm with ya there. She's done it to me a few times recently. Add picture frames and TV remotes thrown at me too. Except when I grapped her wrists I got the cops called on me even though she was not hurt. A Good thing was, I had witnesses to tell them what really happened. Unfortunately my witnessess were our children and our neighbors....pretty crappy, huh?

"And as time passes, I am noticing the idea of being alone again may not be so bad afterall."

Yup!!!

So, Frustr8tedguy........Think hard about what you are getting into before it's too late.

In our case, try 10 times in hospitals (3 suicide attempts) and 2 stays in rehab over the past 7 years. This is not a disease or illness to be taken lightly.