Well it's been awhile, D was final 7/21 and although we had spoke a few times we had NC. I tried to make arrangements with her to get the rest of her belongings....delivered to her home because I new that having her here again at our home would tear at my heart again.

Well it did....we talked cried, ate together and she told me of how we was both fools. Said that she loved and missed me and talked of dating me.

She also said that she wanted to call it off at the last moment but thought that I would actually never forget and it would haunt us forever,

She tired to convince me that she went with the D for my happiness....that she would never be a good wife to anyone.

She then went on to tell me of a counselor she saw on TV that said most females can forgive a husband and have a good recovery but most times when the wife had cheated the relationship fails.

We held each other hugged and kissed and she told me as she left that she was most happy when we was together and things were good.

I now feel like I did a year ago....just a mess!!!!

WB, you gotta knock that off.
gc

What still having the feelings of deep love or just being too easyily ran over?

Orchid: No.... the traveling back in time and feeling all messed up. Now if it was real love 4 u, u wouldn't feel messed up. Right?

WS' don't like to lose anything even if that is what they are pushing for. WS' are not settled. Never will be. Always moving from 1 chaos to another. She'd drag u with her endlessly IF you would let her.

My Ws told me almost the same thing. That is what snapped me out of plan A and head straight for plan B. Mind you, we never finished plan D though I was ready for it.

What I have noticed is that if a WS can try to keep the BS tied up in their turmoil, they will. It is up to YOU as the BS NOT to let her intertwine you in her chaos.....

She says u r both fools, let her know there is only 1 who made a foolish choice. She is still babbling and that is what you need to stay away from.

JMHO,
L.

WB,

We have had this conversation before. Several times.

I feel for you. And her.

You already know she has serious internal issues and head problems. She is not emotionally and mentally well. She is not going to change any time soon. No real reason to. No ability to. She doesn't even want to.

She is not in the final analysis good for you.

She is like your drug of choice.

Get clean of her. Get through withdrawal and your life will light up. I promise.

Move far away from her if that's what it takes to get free of her destructive influence.

You have earned your way out of all this.

It’s finally time for you, WB. You. You can rise above this.


With prayers,

Wow....funny thing, I live in a small rural area where my next door neighbor is about a 1/2 mile away and is a diary farmer.

Tonight he was turning around in my driveway and started to talk...he had heard about my EXW's fling and even named the guy.

I knew he and his wife had went thru the same thing....he told me how hard it was and even after 14 yrs he stills feels and knows it was her mistake but told me although it ruined his life and he isn't the same....he and I are both better without them.

He has raised his 3 kids alone and I saw a tear in the eye of a gentleman that felt the same pain.

It can only ruin your life (or your neighbors) if you let it. What he said about her ruining his life and him never being the same is victim terminology Welder and completely unempowering...blech!

Read 2long's sig line Welder -



Now that's empowering, and the one of the truest, wisest statements I have read.

The others are right, she is your drug of choice and you probably need about 6 months of complete no contact to even be able to think rationally about her. (advice to me from SH and it was right on the money and worked for me, to get me out of that unholy, unproductive, unhealthy mentality and emotional state I was stuck in)

Your love is not lost Welder, it is in you...only the form you project it on will change.

So as the great Canadian band Rush sings -

"find someone to love, and make it last"

and not her, and not right away...but someday you will have the love you want.

She is not able to love right now, so bless her with no contact so she too can undergo the changes she needs as well as you.

OK.....I want to spend the day reading this a few times, I'll check back later.....Thanks.

Been thinking, part of my promblem is I've always been able to do or fix anything. Not bragging but have rebuilt, painted,plumbed,layed brick...anything mechanical, fabrication, electrial, etc. etc.

But I'm just seeing now it's noy I that needs to do the repair work.

I guess in reality even the best Dr.'s open folks up and have to say...."there's nothing we can do."

So I need to face it and move ahead.

The counselor I first went to....seeing that i wanted to change to please her....said, "she pulls you with one arm and pushs with the other."

This is very true and it's going on 3 years of it. She also told me..."nobody can take that forever."

So....I'm learning, but need a plan to practice what I've now see.

Thanks.

Man I really feel for you..

My STBXW is on the road to misery and heartache and I tried for months to save our M, our children and HER. Some people will simply not be saved. They don't see their problems or situation like 99.9% of the real world but no one can tell them anything. These people normally have to go all the way to the bottom and even then some of them just keep digging so that they can go further.

Sad but true. You, me, we truly have to let them go and hopefully God will at some point create such a stir in their souls, lives, etc that they can no longer ignore reality and fall on their faces and begin a long, slow crawl up.

A little over a year ago....I thought that stir was to begin as she got ill.

Still my wife, but living with her Parents she found out she had 1 kidney that seemed to be failing.

Well, this how her family is....my wife, my health insurance etc....but I had to meet them in the hospital lobby that morning prior to the operation.

I waa the last one to hold her hand as she fell asleep....as we prayed.

When the operation was done....they came out and asked for Mr. WB...not her families name.

That made me feel good, that her family got to watch me talk with the Dr.....not them.

Anyhow...as she recovered as was there feeding her ice....thinking all along the Lord was touching her and she would see the value of me and our life together....guess not.

Well......yesterday she spoke with me, telling me it was unfair of her to pull oon my emotions like she did, saying that the best for me was to move on.

She cried a bit and did the I love you....but not enough deal.

I know even after years now....it's still babble. I spoke with her Dad also....and he is going to get with me on the hauling of her belongings.

Hey....today started hard as when I loaded my sons stuff up, heading for move in day at WVU, I realized again I'm alone.

The day was better than I thought it would be and I got a bit teary eyed leaving, but all in all OK.

Sat' morning I'm getting a moving trailer behind my truck and delivering the rest of her clothes and a little furniture.

I spoke with a employee at her work and again she is being seen allot with her new "friend".....I somehow thought that time with me would help her....but the pattern keeps going...unhappy....new man....unhappy.....new man.

I can only try to hold my head high and know....I truly did my beast. Thanks friends.