After 11 years of marriage, 3 kids my husband decides to sleep with someone he found online in our area. We were having some problems but we had resolved to make things better then he does this.... He says he will never do it again but I have lost all trust and I am obsessed with finding out everything that happened. He thinks I am crazy and it won't help.... but i need to know. I want to know were I was, we own a business and I was probably working with all 3 kids, 7 yr, 4 yr and 5 month old. The person wasn't even of the same race and they did everything. I already had visuals in my head and I merely wanted confirmation of what i was picturing. However, I have fallen into this cycle of depression that I can not help. Thank God for my kids, or I would have pulled out in front of an 18 wheeler today. I nearly didn't see it but when I did I didn't care until I thought of my kids in the back seat. He wants to save our marriage - I don't know if I can forgive him..... i know i will never forget. I have always said.... e may be a lot of things but i can trust him. He just lost that... now we have nothing. I don't sleep, I don't eat...... I am doing good to take care of my kids. I don't think I will ever be able to trust him again and without trust there is nothing. He has always done min stuff for the kids and that was like pulling teeth. Now all of a sudden he wants to be a better dad and really because of what he did and who he did it with... if he were a stranger.... i wouldn't let him within 2 feet of my kids.... lonley and confused..... I had confronted him because the web site popped up while I was working and he denied it.... we have always fought about his porn habit and he kept telling me that he would not do it... well he never stopped ... he just learned how to erase the history on the web browser. Am i crazy for wanting to know everything? I go back and forth about giving him a second chance. If it were not for our kids and the business i would have already been at an attorney's office. Can you have a marriage without trust? He now calls all the time to let me know where he is but how do i know he is telling the truth? I also asked him point blank - did you cheat on me? he lied - at least 3 times. I think he gave in to guilt.

read up on alot of stuff here and wait for the vets to help
its perfectly normal to feel how you do ,just dont do anything till you read up
god bless

TJ,

Welcome to MB. Sorry u r in this mess but your sitch is farther along than most and your actions and reactions are quite the norm considering.

R u willing to recover for you 1st? If so, please do the following:

1. Read: Surviving an Affair & His Needs/Her Needs. Both books are by Dr. Harley.

2. Read the concepts section above and both of u take the EN questionnaire.

3. If your H has guilt, that's a good sign.

4. U R going through the stages of grieving. Read about it in my sig link.

5. After doing 1 & 2 above, call Steve H @ MB to get a recovery plan for u 1st, then if you still want & your H is willing, for the M. The porn must be stopped.

6. Guilt can't be the permanent reason t/b a good dad. You and your children deserve better than that. With that in mind, ask your H to come up with a recovery plan for both of you. That will get his gray cells working and his head will go back to where it belongs.

7. U need to know.....that's now....later it won't matter but I understand your need to know and he needs to realize that. Steve can help you work through that and so can your H. Some of what you may learn will make you sick but it is also going to help you heal. Know the OW is a piece of trash and for a while so was your H. Hopefully he is willing to clean up his act because you shouldn't allow trash in your home. That means HE needs to show U he is a valuable family member. Not kiss your feet but make you and your children feel loved and safe.

8. Trust is the hardest to rebuild. Be patient. It can come back but you have t/b patient.

9. Post here as needed, even for venting.

10. Hug your kids. They love and need you. Believe it or not so does your H. Not the WS who had the A or ONS but your real H does need and loves you.

Hugz,
L.