Actual email from WH....advice, criticism? Do I accept this as it is? I am such an emotional mess these days and would appreciate any outside opinions....thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
MPELE


Let me tell you one thing, our relationship and our marriage IS going to survive this. MPELE, I'm not going to leave you, I want to work on things and be with you, I want to be with my girls. I know that I need to take care of things with regards to this other person and I will do that this weekend...and so we/you have a few days like that before we leave for *******. It's just a hard thing for me to do, not because I don't want to, but because this other person is going to be so hurt. But I know that I want to work on things with you and so it's what I need to do, irregardless of feelings. But please know that I want to be with you, my wife.

MPELE - the FACT that SOMEONE gets hurt as a result of someone's decision to engage in an affair is a GIVEN. There are NO "hurt free" affairs, that's one of the main reasons that adultery is forbidden.

As for what to make of your husband's email....time will tell. Actions will speak louder than words and will either lend "truth" or "lie" to the words.

Beyond that, I have not followed your situation enough to gage an opinion on "where your husband is mentally" at this point.

God bless.

I truly hope you mean what you say, but please understand that I will be watching your actions as my guide to your seriousness regarding restoring our marriage. It will mean more hard work that you can ever imagine to recover from this so be sure that you are truly willing to make this sacrifice before approaching me. As far as the OP being hurt, please excuse my non compassion as her hurt can never remotely approach the hurt that has been placed upon me and your family as a result of this.

Lastly, there will absolutely no contact of any type ever again with OW. This is not negotiable.

MPELE,

This is not a LB when you say it to him; it’s the truth.

“EVERYONE is hurt by you’re A with this OW.

There is nobody that is better off from it.

You, me, her, our children, our parents, and anyone that knows and/or supports adultery are all harmed by this action.

The only way that any restitution can possibly be made to anyone is to end it because it is ugliness in it’s purest form.

I no longer give credence to your words. I only value your actions.

I’m waiting for you to take ownership of your manhood and act like a H and Father again.

If you truly mean what you say then you will write the NC letter with me and we can lead off with our first step on the road to recovery and a M greater than anything we ever dreamed of.

I know it may be hard to see right now but if you will start putting one foot in front of the other WITH me, we can do this TOGETHER.

Your W.”

My Take...

Hopeful BUT to me it sounds like this:

This is the last weekend at the crack house...I promise...just one more weekend of crack....my crack dealer will be hurt and upset to see me go...my crack ****** doesn't want me to leave either...but come home I must...see you monday.

Sorry...but until there are ACTIONS there is only hope and a marriage is not built or recovered on unilateral hope alone. It's not beyond possibility and it is a good indication he deep down wants to come home eventually but the WHEN and HOW is not nearly certain.

We shall see.

Mr. Wondering

Dear Husband,

You say you want to save our marriage, then I’ve only two words for you:

No Contact!

Real simple isn’t it. It is decision time my dear husband. Don't give me any crap about how you work together and NEED this job, don't give me some crap about how you are strong enough to be friends with her without screwing her again and don't give me any crap about her hurt feelings. Real simple - no contact, period. You may pay a price for this socially, financially etcetera but tough crap - you blew it, you gotta fix it and doing so will require me to forgive your sorry a55.

Step one? Lose this chick - for good. That includes mutual friends who helped facilitate the affair, activities where they will be - you name it. Hard? Yeah, well... life is hard, wear a damned cup and quit whining. There is NO WAY that I can or should feel at all secure if you are still in contact with her. Argue away, tell me that may be true for some but not you, explain why your situation is UNIQUE and DIFFERENT... I'll still be right on this one and you will still be full of crap. Don't think so? Ask yourself a simple question - what is most important to you? If you answer your “career” or your “girlfriend” then I suppose I am wrong. If however your answer is "my family" then I am right. I’ve already watch you break this thing off 5 times with the “we can just shake hands and be friends” argument. Problem was, you generally wound up in bed with her again within a week or a month or one time, three months. My advice to you, try it once with no contact and you won’t her from her again, ever! Problem solved. 300 plans MIGHT work, no contact ends the affair EVERY time, 100% effective. No ifs, no ands and no butts. Sure you might pay a price for that - give up friends, hobbies, change jobs. In short, paying the price will SUCK but in the end it will show me what matters to you and how much more important your family is than anything else.

---compliments of 2ofaKind, 2004

Mr. G

From reading here I think it is fair to say that most BS's find out about their spouses A on their own (email, phone records, thru the grapevine...) We were not sat down gently by our spouse and told of what is going on, our feelings are not taken into consideration!

Why should this ow be sat down gently and told their affair is over?!?!?

I agree with the others, IF he really is sincere about ending the A he should write a NC letter infront of you and let you hit the send button. It should not take a weekend to end it, all it takes is a short email.

Her feelings are her own doing in this A.

Thanks so much for your advice, all of which i will heed. I completely agree that actions speak louder than words and that is what i am going to be paying attention to in the coming days.
Another question though....after our vacation, H is going to be looking for a job...his office is closing as of 8/31. Would it be wise of me to install a keylogger when we return to see if OW is worming her way back in while WH is sitting at home with the want ads?? Do I see how the vacation goes first, or plan the keylogging install regardless?

Thanks again

Do what you need to do to give yourself peace of mind.

The simple fact that your husband must realize is that his cheating days are over. You are wise to the ways of affairs and should he stray again you will surely find out in fairly short order. You know the nature of the beast.

Mr. G

Thanks Mr. G - your comments are right on.