Hi All!

I've decided to go back on a dating site after a few month break. I need a little something that makes me feel I'm actively looking. I do what I can in real life too.

I don't read other women's profiles so I don't know if this is true for them or not. Many men state in their profiles that they look younger than their years...act younger...people always think they're years younger than they are.

WHAT is up with this?

Are they not satisfied to be their age? Do they think this makes them more attractive to younger women?

Also, why are a good potion of men willing to date significantly below their age?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

"because they fear death"...Olympia Dukakis in Moonstruck <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

A lot of men on dating sites are only looking for distractions. I imagine that they are willing to date significantly below their age because they are not looking for a life partner, just a little fun to pass the time.

Also people want to look younger than they are because youth is attractive and desirable to most. And if a man is only interested in a shallow fling, who cares how young or old she is as long as she looks good?

My advise to you is to state exactly what you are looking for on that site. A guy friend once told me that when he was on dating sites looking for a good time, he would bypass any profiles that stated that they are looking for a serious relationship with marriage as the outcome, or profiles that stated "my children come first". This proves that by stating EXACTLY what you are looking for you are able to weed out men that just want to have a little fun.

Just be wise and brutally honest!

dw HA, I love it! "Because they fear death." Hey, the news is the youth of one person IS NOT transferable.

I understand saying you're healthy, take good care of yourself, execise & are active. This gives us the picture of a person who can be out there doing rather than watching. At 48 I'm not looking for a 20, 30, even 40 year old man. I want someone who has the same cultural references I do. My feeling is we'll have more in common.

jaanuu, I'm very up front about myself & what I'm looking for. It's easy enough to spot the guys simply looking to pass the time. I don't respond to those just out for a good time, it's not in my best interest. I actually appreciate the men who are honest enough to say they only want a diversion. This helps me eliminate them.

Good Luck nams. My profile is still up, but I haven't checked it in a while. I found alot of men wanted "fit" women. OK, that's great for men to work out alot if they are single or only have their kids part time. But I have kids, and most of my time is running around with or for the kids. Can't I count that as a workout? Apparently not. I'm guessing walking my 16 lb dog around the block doesn't cut it either.

Since I can't spend hours in the gym, I think I'm weeded out.

Well, if you throw any decent ones away who live west of CT, let me know. A date would be nice.

I've recently joined an on-line site and am finding the same. In viewing profiles, men my age are looking for anywhere from 25 to 40. However, men around 55 seem to have found me. My XH was a vetran on-liner with many sites and when I found his ads; he claimed to be 5-10 years younger and was 'athletic and toned". What!!! I am straight forward and honest in my ad. I check activity 1-2 times per week and feel that a chance meeting of someone, sometime is more reasonable and desired way for me to begin a relationship. Yet, we'll see what happens.

What have your responses been? Have you emailed any of the men, or prefer they contact you?

Best wishes.

nams,

In answer to your question "why do some men seek younger women?", for myself...

I want a family.

... which include children.

Most women my age are either not interested in that, or no longer capable of that.

I made the horrible error of marrying late in life. Since that marriage has blown up, I'm 48 and have only one child. My child is wonderful, but I still would like to have at least one more.

For me, the most painful loss - is the probably loss of an opportunity to have a traditional family - to be a dad every day. The most painful day will come when I discover that my XW is pregnant. <sigh> I had to pause a long time while typing this to find my bearings. Usually I try not to think about it.

-AD

Very true. My exWH is finding the same problem. He's been dating 25-27yrs olds (he's 36) and their differences are quite glaring, or so he says, yet this is the age bracket that *generally* are looking to start a family. Plus, I think he fears death <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Oh man AD, I felt your pain on this one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I'm sorry ((((HUGS!!))) It's soooo tough grieving the dream.....

ad,
women are having children later and later in life now. especially if they are career women. i am 35 and i would have another one. but i need to finish college first and get that teaching degree. that would put me at about 38 yrs old and i would still have one then. i think i am a good parent now (had my twins at 26) but would be an even better mother to a baby at this age i think. my priorities are different now and i think my experience would make me an even better mother in my late 30's.
just my input here! mlhb

AD posted.....



That hit the nail on the head for me as well when I began to date after a 14 year marriage. My XW was 11 years younger, and she was 30 and I was 41 when we divorced. At her age, we were in no big rush at the time. I was under the assumption that we were trying to conceive there at the end, but being involved in an affair she had secretly started back on the birth control.

I am 45 now with NO children. I would have loved to have at least one. I have been seing a wonderful woman with 3 children ( 15, 10, 5 ), and enjoy them immensely. The 5 year old knows only me. She tells everyone that I am her daddy. The father has absolutely NO involvement in their lives and hasn't for the 2 1/2 years we have been seeing each other. He lives within 20 miles.

My GF is younger than I, 30 to be exact. We have talked about it and having one together is an option that we will discuss further on down the road. She had no problems with having another one. That was a big plus in our relationship.

AD hit the nail on the head, at least for me. You aren't going to find any 40-45 year old women that want to have children. You can probably even cut that back to mid 30's as well.

However....I can say that the 3 that I care for feels like my own. Since I have actually never had my own, I can't miss a feeling that I never had. Should her and I never have one together, I can be happy with things the way they are. Starting back in my teen years, I had always entertained the possibility of adopting. Maybe God led these to me since he knew I felt that way? I have a perfect relationship with all of them.


Sorry about that...Got off on another tangent there...

HCII

hcii,
Your tangent isn't as far off as you'd think.
As mothers who are dating, I think most of us would be thrilled to find a man who could accept our children as his own. That is a huge plus. HUGE!

newly, you may have a point with men looking for "fit". I think what they want when they say that is athletic & trim. I've been working out lots for the past few months, walking & lifting weights, I'm healthy & getting compliments on my apperance. I'm aiming for tighter & firmer but I still won't be looking for men who have that as a prerequisite. For me it says they have an image of what they want & it's less about the person than it is about a look. Healthy & weight/height proportionate, a few extra pounds works for me.

Gotta go, be right back.

Ok, lawn mowing crisis with OS is over...for now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

AD. I'm sorry you find yourself in a position that has limited your ability to have another biological child. Newly has an excellent point about excepting & loving another person's child/children.

If I understand correctly from you & hcii, the attraction to younger women is their ability to reproduce. Aside from that. Do you find women your own age better companions? More in tune with you due to growing up with the same cultural references? More mature? Understand themselves better?

hcii, did you purposely look for younger women so you could have a chance at having a biological child of your own? Or is there something else that attracts you?

I was talking to my neighbor last night and realized she'll turn 50 next year. She laughed and said, I'll turn 50 when my daughter enters Kindergarten.
In many ways, age is irrelevant.

In others, I do not want any more children. I certainly don't want another biological child, and while I feel I could love another person's child, the blended family dynamic seems to add so much stress.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just hope my son will graduate before my retirement. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yet, I would have another one now, no dilemma at all, just if there were different circumstances....
(My friends think I'm crazy... Maybe they are right, but my love for another child sounds just sane to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />)

I would have another, too under the right circumstances.

I'm with _AD_ on this too. The idea of having a family is very appealing to me, and that means my interest inclines more toward women around ten years younger than me than it does toward women my own age. (I have no objection to women who already have children, but I have to admit that it would be nice to have my own, or at least to have the experience of younger children.) Once you get down into the twenty-somethings, however, the maturity gap becomes an issue. I have known a few women in that age range where I don't think the age difference would be insuperable, but that's more the exception than the rule.

Chalk me up as another man for whom it is important that a prospective partner be "fit." I wouldn't expect a forty-year-old to have the body of a twenty-year-old, but in all honesty I'd be concerned about the priorites of a woman who has time to date but doesn't have the time to take care of herself.

Speaking of which, one of the things which bemuses me about the whole dating game is the concentration on "fun." I've noticed that most of the profiles on the dating sites have a lot to say about how much "fun" a woman is, and what she likes to do for fun. Travel, camping, candlelight dinners, going to museums, lounging around, whatever. Hey, I like to have fun too, and I believe "recreational companionship" is important in a relationship, but...let's face it. In a real relationship, while it's wise to make time for these kinds of activities, they still take a back seat to the necessities of life. If the kind of relationship you're interested involves a man spending lots of time and money on you in order to feed a fantasy of a life without responsibilities, then I'm not your man. If you're looking for a man to work out with you, or to help you clean your kitchen, or to help your kid with her homework, or to help you sort out your goals and values (and if you're also inclined to reciprocate), then there might be some potential.

Basically...yes. I at least wanted the option to have one of my own. Since I was basically starting all over again, I felt that I shouldn't have to "settle" or compromise something at the start. I felt that I should at least try to see if there was someone out there that fit important qualifications to me.

Because I have no children, I initially started looking at those that didn't have any either. Before someone reads something into that, let me explain. I knew that I was capable of taking another child and becoming very attached to it. I didn't know if I could "share" a child with another man should that occur. That was a huge worry for me. The situation that I am in now is a blessing to me. There is absolutely ZERO contact from the father. NONE...NADA...ZILCH.

I have spoken many times with my GF about how I think I would love to be a part of one's life from newborn to around 2 years old. I know that it would be no piece of cake, but...I have these images and dreams in my head about caring for one during that phase. I know that I would love to experience that. Especially with someone that I love.

Also, I figured that there would be a big difference in the lifestyles between someone that had children and someone that did not. And...of course there is. I experienced that from my situation that I am currently in now. But...I adjusted, and adjusted well. The only thing that I would change is adding one of "ours" to the mix. Without the possibility of that, I would not change anything. I love my family life as it is. For all practical purposes I AM a father. Maybe not biologically, but a father nonetheless. I enjoy it.

There has been a big change in the way of life for me between the time I was married, and the present. I had to adjust to doing a lot less for myself, and more for others. But I can honestly say that I am happier now than I ever have been. I feel that this is what I was meant to do. Even after 2 1/2 years of being together, home is where I want to be. I cannot wait until the end of the work day comes so I can be with my family. The GF and I will still talk to each other probably 3-4 hours on the phone in the day. We still are constantly with each other after I get home. Both of us love just sitting with each other and talking, etc. I enjoy interacting with the 3 kids. It makes me feel special when they come to me with a problem, or just wanna be with me when I am doing something.

You got more than you asked for nams...lol


HCII

Thanks hcii & GDP. No, hcii you did not give me more than I asked for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

It's easy to look at these dating sites & become a tad cynical & to [censored] u me things about people. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I'll admit that when I see a upper 40's or early 50's man looking for someone no older than 36 I've made judgements. He's got a problem with aging, he doesn't see women in a realistic light, he's immature, he's having a MLC. Similar things can be said of the man who only wants a woman who is athletic & toned. Fit & taking the time to care for yourself are one thing, looking for a woman who could model for a sports bra add is another. Perhaps I've read into that desire too...

GDP, I'm with you on the fun/adventureous wording. Who doesn't want to enjoy life. It's the people willing to put in the side by side, daily work that would appeal to me.

Now, what about the men who state they don't want children/more children who are looking for women at least 10 years younger? Think they are in the minority?

I'll admit I might have a tinsy...prejudice...against younger men. ex was 5 years younger & I attribute some of the D issues to immaturity.

As you said, it's easy to "become a tad cynical." Judging from some of the photographs I've seen, a self-rating of "about average" often really means "overweight." Speaking for myself, I have to admit that I assume "athletic and toned" doesn't mean anything more than "reasonably fit." A woman who could model a sports bra might choose to rate herself as either "athletic and toned" or "slender," but neither of those ratings would lead me to expect the body of a model.

Bottom line is, a man whose profile indicates that he only wants a woman who is athletic and toned might very well be indicating nothing more than he's looking for a woman who takes reasonably good care of herself, and is recognizing the fact that the "average" American is in terrible shape.

I've got no data to back this up, but I suspect that most of the men over forty who are looking for younger women are not interested in having (more) children, and are probably just dreaming about landing some sweet gullible young eye candy. (After all, stereotypes usually have some basis.)

But perhaps that's just my cynicism speaking...