I have not been on here recently and one of the reasons why is b/c everytime I come on I see that banner on the side of the page about "I love you but I'm not in love with you.....Too much has happened", etc., etc. It is one of my biggest triggers everytime I read it.

Aren't we supposed to be avoiding triggers? Has anyone else been upset about this? It takes me back to the beginning of it all every time. As any BS can agree, we don't want to go back there!!!!

I hope someone that can do something about it will take them off after reading this post. Hopefully I will get lots of supporters to my cause too!

I just got an idea....I will take a poll....



--CO

Do you think MB should get rid of the sayings (banner) on the right side of this page? single choice
	YES
	NO
	DOESN'T BOTHER ME
Votes accepted starting: 08/15/06 02:24 PM
View Results

Yes, if they want to advertise do it on the Home page and others.

I dont like them, either - Dru

Eagle,

I agree. They had it just on the home page before. I don't know why they decided to put it on EVERY page.

--CO

i have a different perspective.

it confirms for me again that my H's A, his words and his actions are no different from others and it gives men comfort to know that i am at a place where we have all shared the same experiences and can help each other

I agree with Eav. It just confirms how much WS's excuses all sound the same. It tends to prove the "fog" theory.

I just make the window narrower. I don't like any kind of moving, jumping graphics, so I always adjust my windows so that they are obscured.

-AD

I think that having them on every page is an awful idea - and yes, they are a trigger, even after 7 years.

It is hard not to assume that advertising is more important than protecting the members of the board from unnecessary pain.

I hadn't even noticed until I read this thread....

Have you tried just ignoring it, not reading it, or making the window narrow as suggested?

We can't tear down all the hotels or spots WS's go. We have to learn to deal with triggers without asking people to remove them all for us.

I'm guessing the Harley's think this should be there for a reason.

Eav and Believer - Good for you for finding the good in it!

_AD_ - Great idea. I will have to try that.

Aeri - Sorry I brought your attention to it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

any updates on how your doing???

They were the exact words that my WH said to me and it does remind me, however, it doesn't upset me. It might have affected me more a year ago.

I agree with Eav and Believer on this one. Every time I see those words I smile, knowing that WSs all say the same things, in the same order at the same relative times during an A. It was finding that very thing out to be the case that finally gave me rest, after 3 weeks of no sleep, losing 16 pounds (don't recomend a WS as a weight loss method) and generally feeling helpless.

To me, those words bring hope!

It may be more of a trigger to those at the beginning stages of recovery, or not even there yet. Many think those words were "unusual" and only spoken to them, rather than "stock in trade of the WS 101 course" that all WS's see to have taken.

Suffice it to say, I find it a visual distraction when I'm trying to read or type, but it no longer is a trigger for me.

Bottom line: it is the Harley's site and they can do whatever they want to with it. I am simply grateful that they provide all this information and these forums FREE of charge to anyone who wants to avail themselves of it. They pay for it out of their income from counseling, book sales, etc.

The one thing that still bothers me, though, is the "time out" for posting a message. If one takes too long, you'll get a "the form you are using is no longer valid" error message. Not sure what happened, but when they made some changes in the code it really shortened the time allowed to reply to a message.

Also, the graphics "look nice," but they also slow the viewing of a page down. The "price of progress" I guess.

It may help make newbies feel like they have come to the right place! Reading all the fog talk might help them realize they are not alone and fell compelled to read further.......JMO

FH,

"If one takes too long, you'll get a "the form you are using is no longer valid" error message. Not sure what happened, but when they made some changes in the code it really shortened the time allowed to reply to a message."

Open Word, or other editor, and create your message in a separate window. Then just copy and paste it into the MB frame.

Advantage: SpellCheck !

Disadvantage: Formal MB quote formatting.

I never use them, but you can still insert emoticons at will - after pasting your text into the MB frame.

Ap - I use Word from time to time, especially if I know ahead of time that it's going to take some time to reply.

But for most things I just hit "Reply to" and go for it.

You are right about the formatting problems with Word, but I've gotten used to inserting the codes that are needed, and then sometimes even having to edit the MB post for things like paragraphing.

The mods are aware of the problem, but I don't know if anything can be done about it. Usually I copy the post to the clipboard before Previewing or Posting "just in case." Sometimes I forget and invariably that is when I get burned, like I did today and lost a post that took a good half hour to compose. "dem's da breaks" as the saying goes.

I feel for ya, FH. Nothing quite like losing the post of the century...lol.

When I lose one I figure the universe is trying to tell me something.

PS: As far as the sayings in the ad banner – my main complaint is they are not using some of the really, really good ones collected around here. The ones in the banner are pikers in comparison to the sheer erudite genius of some WS….

lol! Ya, like one of the ones I heard: "I can only have sex with one man a time" in answer to my question about whether or not there were other Other Men? That accounted for my 6 years of celibacy while the affair trundled along.

Man! I hate affairs, the lies, the justifications, the total selfishness of adultery.

Time to go blow off some steam! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />