I sure wish I had more time for posting here. I think I’ve read everything posted at least once, but trying to find time to spend on the computer has been a real hassle. I’ve been kinda busy with my Plan A…

First of all, I want to thank everyone here.(Even the WSs that are still in the fog) Just seeing that other people have been where I am and knowing what to expect to happen next has been a sanity saver.

Secondly, I have the benefit of a pastor that knew Dr Harley when he lived in MN and is a big fan of his work. That has done wonders for my general well being through all of this.

I’m not going to post all the details in here again, I posted first on Just Found Out and don’t want to go there again. But I have seen some things happen that I consider victories, of a sort, that have given me hope for the future.

A short time after D Day, I’d had about enough and WW was about to run off “to be alone” and “Sort things out”. We were together at our cabin and she said something that I found just simply stupid. I shouted at her something about “Well, it was good enough for your precious ____(OM)!” She walked off, came back 10 minutes later and said, “I’m going home!” I said, “When you get there, pack!” and threw her suitcase into the yard.

She vanished for the entire night, I was worried, the kids were worried (DD 31 with dearest GD 1.5 and DS 20 going on 37), and she refused to answer calls even from SIL. That night I wrote a note saying I was sorry for blowing up at her and dropped it off to her at work on my way in to my job the next morning. That day I got an email from her saying I shouldn’t feel bad about blowing up “Because I had it coming”. She also hinted strongly that she planned to stay and work on our M. (Little Victory #1) (Later found out that NC was official the next day)

About 3 weeks later we were together at our cabin again and she said, “You’re right, we do have too much to just throw it all away” (LV #2)

A week later she began saying “ILY” again for the first time since 45 days before D Day (LV #3)

Fast forward about a week…another email arrived saying, “I just thought I’d let you know that I appreciate you being there for me” (LV #4)

A week later I got email saying she’d like to go fishing with me that weekend.. (LV #5)
We had a good time, BTW.

Then, one day, out of the blue I got another email saying “I've been wanting to say thank you for not letting me go and I really do want to make things better.” (LV #6)

So that‘s where I’m at right now…We’ve got a long way to go, but thank God for Little Victories! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And yes, I’ll probably feel like [email]cr@p[/email] in the morning, but at least I have hope for now.

Awesome! Keep up the good work. I think stories like this are inspirational.

Thanks for taking the time to post. Quite often, the WS almost immediately realizes they made a mistake, and the marriage is recovered. Sometimes the poster quites posting and we don't hear too much about recovery.

believer,

I think we're only just beginning recovery. If there's anything I've learned from reading this board it's that true recovery takes a lot of work and quite a bit of time. I don't feel recovered yet. There are still too many issues to deal with.She hasn't yet "admitted" to doing anything wrong, I still snoop like an over sealous spy - still finding stuff out that will have to come to light eventually and I haven't gotten her to agree to evne fill out the EN questionaire, et al.

But I think it is a better start than I thought possible the week after D Day.



Ahnold...

I've never thought of anything I've said as inspirational, but if I get through this, I might just have to write a book.

I'd like to add LV#7 to this list.

Yesterday was our anniversary, 33 years! I got a call as I left work saying that I didn’t need to stop to buy flowers because “I was at the store anyway, so I bought them myself. Just hurry home.”

It wasn’t a romantic evening; we had GD age 1.5 for the evening while DD worked till almost 3am. We had frozen pizza and a glass of wine (great romantic dinner, huh?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> What almost made me cry was the card W gave me. If it expresses her true feelings, I think this might just last another 33 years. (Can only hope) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

AWESOME!

I was contemplating logging on today because, no offense, sometimes the board brings me down. This has lifted my spirits greatly!

Keep it going! I hope to be sitting where you are someday!

Brian

Brian,

I've been trying to keep abreast of your sitch. Keep working hard, my friend. Keep asking for help when you get stuck. Don't give up hope, just remember, that my sitch may be a complete exception. Typically getting a WW out of the fog takes a long time and a lot of hard work.

I'm going out of town for a few days (with W), so I'll check in when I get back.

Thanks. I feel more like I am on a bungie cord! Going from one end to the other. PA with the WW living w/OM=my sitch in a nutshell. Wife reading SAA and looking at getting her own apt.

congratulations. it is so helpful and promising to hear other's successes.

Ok, so we spent an entire week together and the world didn’t come to an end.

Saturday- Drove to her step Mom’s (happens to be next door to OM.) This was a little tense at times.
Sunday- AM: Church (second home though 6 hours away.)
PM: Memorial service for W’s Step Mom’s Dad.
Later PM: KY State Fair and The Oakridge Boys (for free, no less)
Monday- I saw OM from a distance in the morning light. Pointed my camera with a long lens on it at him. <CLICK> took a pic, then deleted it. Wonder if he knows how lucky he is that I didn’t have a rifle with a scope? <DOH!>
Monday PM- Lunch and drove to SIL’s who just lost her H to a heart attack after being married only 30 days (Has NOT been a fun summer)
Tuesday-Visited w/SIL, Had lunch (We did eat well) drove home.
Wednesday- Worked on the house (We’ve let it go way too long)
Thursday-PM: Drove to our “cabin in the woods” and worked on stuff that needed to be done.
Later PM: drove 1.5 hours to take a dinner cruise on the Mississippi River (Really ate well that night)
Friday- AM: Mowed lawn while W took a walk.
PM: Lunch again, then to a landscape nursery to look around
Late evening: I went fishing for 2 hours then fixed a bite to eat (More food?)
Saturday AM: Rained all day. Laid around. Talked about EN questionnaires, LBQ, PHQ etc. Discussed emotion packed issues and neither one of us blew a fuse or died or anything…
Saturday late PM: (After a late lunch…Yum…Food!) W left for home, I went fishing again.
Sunday AM (Really early AM) I drove back to make it for church. W and I met there, then attended a meeting together. (Where we ate again)

Yes, we did more than eat, but I won’t discuss it in mixed company…

Monday…Back to work (AAAAHHHGGG!!!) Been paying for the vacation I thought I’d already earned.

Tonight DS came home from school for the 3-day and DD and DGD came over for dinner…again with the food…no wonder I can’t keep the wait off…

Is this recovery? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bumping this because I think it can help a few...

Mark

Mark I think this is great! BS's need to recognize the little victories that hopefully lead to recovery.

Those victories are bigger than you think. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Not to get you too pumped but know the more she takes responsibility, the better. Don't stand in her way..... she needs to do this so she can move forward.

take care,
L.

That's great Mark!!!

You're doing great! The LV's are really worth celebrating... because it's so easy to overlook them early on.

Congrats and I hope you have many, many, many more!

Semper Fi,

RIF

I am sure I am going to get a little blasted over this, but help me grasp what a LV is?

That way I can smile to myself when I have them and congratulate others on their successes.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Skins, It's a "Mark term" lol... The title of the thread is (Little Victories) or "LV" for short. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

--**No Blasting require**--

If you guys look at the date of this thread's original post and then compare that to my registration date, you will see that this thread was started three months and a couple of days after D-day.

My reason for bumping it right now was to show some of the newbies that especially early on, it is the little things that can mean the most. While we want recovery to be swift and overwhelming, just like the devastation of D-day was, it is tiny little things, barely noticeable, that pile one on top of the other that add up to recovery.

There have been many more of these in the intervening year+ since I began this thread. There have also been setbacks, but even when it is two steps forward and one back, the net result is progress.

So to all you newbies, take the little victories and build on those and recovery will happen. Just don't dwell on all the negatives or you'll go nuts trying to make it all happen at once.

Like that little train that could...I think I can...I think I can...I think I can...

Mark

Thanks Mark, I know that this was directed mainly at me. LOL.

I've been reading Skinsgal's story, and it's inspirational.

TMTS,

It wasn't aimed just at you, but I did hope you would see it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mark

It did give me a good lift. I'm feeling stronger everyday, and much more focused. You have been a great help to me!

I need to be more patient, I'm only a little over on month into this.

I should have done more when I first discovered the EA in June, but at the time she was in withdrawal and the call she got from him in September just pulled her right back in. This is the main reason why I am in a panic mode now. That and pushing her for that decision.