I’ve just read So very blind’s thread (and many others) about what has happened to her and can appreciate how closely it mirrors my situation. It seems like there are a lot of people who have been through the exact same situation and a lot of them say that they need some kind of explanation or apology from the OW.Since I'm the OW in this, does that mean that I owe her this>?I’ve just read So very blind’s thread (and many others) about what has happened to her and can appreciate how closely it mirrors my situation. It seems like there are a lot of people who have been through the exact same dituation and a lot of them say that they need some kind of explanation or apology from the OW.since I am the OW in this, does that mean that I owe her this much after all the pain I've undoubtedly caused her?
I have had NC for what feels like a lifetime, but in reality is only 6 months from her H, but much longer than that with her.
I am still suffering fairly badly from withdrawals, but not wanting to be with him, just thought of him, sometimes I wonder if they'll ever go away.
Throughout the entire process I never thought about how all of this has affected my best friend. Not while the A was happening, because all I cared about was myself and her H, not afterwards because I’ve been concentrating on my H and my M and doing what I can to forget about her H and regain my H’s trust.
While it was happening I didn’t even think about my H. But I’ve been truthful to him now and am trying to make amends with him and he’s been fantastic.
What I’m wondering is if I should email my ex-best friend.
Not because I expect the same forgiveness from her.
I have no idea what I would write, but after reading so many posts from women who have had someone like me hurt them like this, I think I owe her a huge apology and some sort of explanation that I know my actions hurt her, but that was never my intention.
I’ve finally realised that there was someone else affected hugely by all of this and that since we have not spoken two words to each other since she found out about the A maybe it might help her move on.
We moved approx 3000km’s away from them so I’m not sure if they are still together and she may have changed her address anyway.
The last thing I want to do is contact her H.
Because of this I could NEVER ring her or go and see her.
And I don’t want to cause her any extra hurt.
I'm only considering this to try to help her even if only a little.
I have had NC for what feels like a lifetime, but in reality is only 6 months.
And I am still suffering fairly badly from withdrawals.
Throughout the entire process I never thought about how all of this has affected my best friend. Not while the A was happening, because all I cared about was myself and her H, not afterwards because I’ve been concentrating on my H and my M and doing what I can to forget about her H and regain my H’s trust.
While it was happening I didn’t even think about my H. But I’ve been truthful to him now and am trying to make amends with him and he’s been fantastic.
What I’m wondering is if I should email my ex-best friend.
Not because I expect the same forgiveness from her.
I have no idea what I would write, but after reading so many posts from women who have had someone like me hurt them like this, I think I owe her a huge apology and some sort of explanation that I know my actions hurt her, but that was never my intention.
I’ve finally realised that there was someone else affected hugely by all of this and that since we have not spoken two words to each other since she found out about the A maybe it might help her move on.
We moved approx 3000km’s away from them so I’m not sure if they are still together and she may have changed her address anyway.
The last thing I want to do is contact her H.
Because of this I could NEVER ring her or go and see her.
And I don’t want to cause her any extra hurt.
I'm only considering this to try to help her even if only a little.

Personally I think it will wonderfull and the right thing to do if you send her an apology. However, I don't think you must try to "explain" anything because she might see it as justifications and/or raltionlizations from your part to "excuse" your past behavior. I know this will not be your intent at all but it might appear like such to her. Therefore I think a sincere apology for hurting her and her family (without any explanations) will be enough.

Any apology should be very short and to the point.

Content:

Your understand and owning what you did
The depth of remorsefullness for the pain and hurt you caused her and her children (not the OM)
Your commitment to become a better person and to never hurt anyone in this way again
Your request for her forgivenss but understanding should she not be able to

No request for response or contact - this is a one way letter.

Then drop this and forgive yourself.

ok well i better start it then, no time like the present, i don't even know how i should start!
I have no doubt that I'll have a dozen panic attacks and questions so keep your eye's peeled for me!!!!!!LOL

starting again1

"I think I owe her a huge apology and some sort of explanation that I know my actions hurt her, but that was never my intention."

I think you should SKIP the apology. Anything you say will hurt her.

Please explain how you can have an affair with your best friend's husband, and not intend to hurt her.

I recommend that instead of an apology to her, you send a "no contact" letter to him - with a separate copy of that to her.

Make the letter to him. In it, say how much you now believe it was wrong to infiltrate his marriage - and threaten your own. That it was shameful and hurtful to all involved. That you regret your part of hurting his wife, your husband, and your integrity. Acknowledge that forgiveness is at the discretion of those hurt and that you have enough trouble forgiving yourself. Ask for nothing - except that he NEVER contact you again.

WAT

Worthatry,
But I’ve promised my H that I would make absolutely NO contact with him. And I’ve actually followed through with that for six months (which could very possibly be the hardest thing that I’ve done my whole life) so I have no way of sending him a letter. I still have her email address but I’m not even positive that she still checks it. All I know is that she made him change his phone number and email addresses, quit his career and move house. I could have found out where to at the time, but I never and I don’t think I could now. I know that I don’t want to risk all the work I’ve done by contacting him. I know that I owe my BF an apology, but I really don’t think that I could do it through him.
It just feels like that would be a lie to my husband and way to risky when as it is I’m still having withdrawals. The last thing I need is something that makes me think about him more.

Starting again1