Good Morning

This is my first post.

I have been married for 5 years. When I first got married my husband had issues with my God brother - history, my God brother was my 2nd boyfriend, his mother introduced to true Christianity, I was Baptized some years later and his mother and father became my official God Parents. Myself and my God brother had attempted "dating" again in our mid 20's and that just did not work. We are the best of friends, walk each other through trials and his is also both of my childrens Godfather.

Well after getting married my husband did not want me talking to him. I dont really remember the conversation, but I would think it was more so in relation to talking to him about our marriage.

For almost 2 years we really did not speak to each other. Birthdays, anniversary's, and major holidays, but then one day his marriage was falling apart and he turned to me. I was having issues with my children and work and our friendship grew again. Because I knew my husband did not like him, I never told him we talk M-F at work. Well now my husband knows, I use my cell phone and I gave my husband access to the records for other usage and he looked to see who I talk to. I told him yes I told to him, we talk about everything and share devotionals together. Well now I am accused of emotionally having an affair. I dont see it that way, but maybe I am wrong.

Any advice? Also, now we have the "I dont believe nothing you say demon". But when asked I did not lie, but I also did not over the past couple of years tell him how much we talked.

MrsSmiley

Welcome! This is the right place to be to work on your marriage.

Having relationship discussions with a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse is dangerous, in my opinion. Even if you are talking about their relationship, it creates an intimacy that takes your focus away from your own marriage.

My advice is to treat the situation as if it were an emotional affair, whether you personally think it was or not. The real issue here is that your husband has a problem with it, he feels in his gut that it is wrong. At a minimum, that will drive a wedge between you.

My wife had an EA, though she never considered it as such until I admitted the affair I had two years ago. She learned that if your spouse feels that it is an emotional affair, then it is. I think the logic here is the effect of the situation, not what you call it. Your husband feels as if you are in an EA, therefore, he feels betrayed as if you are. Whether you think you are or not is irrelavent to how he feels about it. Hence my advice to treat it as if it is. It will do you no good arguing with him about what to call it. It is what it is, namely, a distraction from your focus on your marriage.

I hope this helps, and I hope you keep posting. I think situations such as yours, as I said, are extremely dangerous to your marriage. An EA can very easily become a PA over time, because you gradually let down your boundaries and allow an inappropriate intimacy with a person other than your spouse.

You did lie to your H. The "God brother" needs to go an never be a part of your life again. Your M and your H come before anything else and you have betrayed your H's trust by doing something behind his back.... you knew he would be upset so you hid it. Put your H amd your M first and dump this man out of your life completely.
Yes, it is that simple. Just do it. And you will have to earn trust back. I wouldn't believe your words right now either.

That both of your for your input.

I have already within myself decided to give the communication with my God brother a rest on a personal level. Even though H says he would not ask for that.

I have also even set up a time for us to sit with our Pastor.

I guess if I were on the other side I would look at it better.

But as for having the PA that would never happen, for the main reason there is 140 miles seperating us and the only time we have seen each other since we both have been marries is at our families Christmas gatherings, weddings and funerals.

In respect to my H I am taking personal space from him.

Smiley

Mrs. Smiley

Ask yourself how you would feel if your H's x-girlfriend was in frequent contact with him, sharing with him the problems in her marriage and 'helping' him with his problems? Would you feel safe? Would you trust him to keep clear of all intimate topics? Would you feel happy being discussed by the two of them? If her marriage was in trouble, would you feel happy with her turning to an xBF?

I thínk your married 'friend' should have been preserving a careful distance between himself and all other members of the opposite sex, especially at a time of emotional vulnerability.

TA