Wheres that darn stick?

JS

Can anybody else give me there thoughts on this?

I like the idea, Mya.
Usually when she picks up the kids at night she drops S12 off at football practice and if she is keeping the kids she takes the little ones home and has me drop off s12 at her house.
Yeah, again I do all the work for her. NO MORE
If I am keeping the kids she drops them all off and goes home.
I have to keep the little ones busy playing etc. and take them home and then rush around the house trying to get stuff done.
Tonight she is keeping the kids and I think I will just show up, give the kids hugs and leave and tell her she will have to pick S12 up.
Let her do more work for a change.
I'm starting to get this a little bit.

Lets see........mmmmmm....what else can't I do for her?

This morning I left as she was walking in the door and I talked to her about a few things.....Now I'm thinking, from now on I'm not saying anything to her other than.
Hi, see ya, have a nice day.
Sound good.
Any thoughts?

JS

~bump~

Perhaps tell her you'll pick up S12 for her but only if he gets to stay with you.

OR, pick up S12 in protest...but pick him up to spend as much time with him as possible. Go out to eat with him and linger, linger, linger. S12 is the key to winning your custody case if it ever gets to that.

This all is a tough call. You've got to consider carefully how to play this. Plan A, Plan A with 180's, Partial Plan B, Plan B. I tend to think you stick to Plan A and finish Plan A strong so that when Plan B begins she's really gonna miss a lot. However, in Plan A you must remember you are trying to meet emotional needs and your wife "emotional needs" a strong attractive husband. So if in your plan A you are doing all these nice things for her then looking to her for some reaction, you just appear needy and desparate. Somewhere in there is the answer. When you do things you must individually assess the reason you are doing it and whether it's healthy for you to do it. You detach yourself from HAVING to save the marriage to just hoping you save the marriage, but knowing YOU are going to be OK and make it either way.

I know it's tough to do. But both MWIL and HS and many others eventually got that bounce in their steps and voice in their heads singing.."Don't worry...about a ting, cause every little ting is gonna be alright".

Accepting uncertainty.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - Is there any way for you to sucker or just ask WW to go out alone with you. If only on the basis of we need to discuss some "business" matters (which of course you avoid discussing anything to make the split up easier and seem more accepted when you are actually out with her...the "business" could legitimately be you telling her how you felt versus how you feel today). You be sure to indicate it's not a date, you two just need to see about being friends first if this is ever gonna work (you mean "marriage" but she'll here working as "in divorce" but either way...use it to get her out with you). Remember, IT IS NOT A DATE. You just get her out and meet her needs for communication by listening, listening, listening. YOU can't teach her anything so don't try. Listen but then distract her to try and have fun together. No serious talk.

Anyway, can you get her out ALONE?

p.p.s.- Edited to add...I meant to indicate above that a partial Plan B is NOT a ever advisable. I never finished that thought above. Starfish clears that up below.

JS,

You belong in Plan A right now.....so please, take a look at what that really means. You've done the exposure, you haven't quite eliminated love busters....and you need to do that. You try to meet needs....but please remember that doesn't include needs that enable the affair (like financial help). You also need to do more "confrontation". Don't get that confused with "arguing"....you simple state how hurtful her actions are to you. You use *I* statements....not *you* statements....and you let her know how you feel. For instance....the other night when Frank walked up....calling him "loser" didn't do much. Instead....confront in the Plan A way: "W, I feel incredibly hurt and humiliated to have Frank here. Please respect me enough to avoid this in the future."

So all of those "parts" are important. Using some of the 180 strategies so that you aren't as predictable or as "controlling" is also a good strategy for you I think. Please review those things.

You aren't ready for Plan B....first of all, you haven't perfected your Plan A yet...you're still way too inconsistent and volatile. And there really is no "partial" Plan B really. Partial Plan B is just withdrawal or a poor Plan B....rather than real "detachment". Plan B is about ending all contact....partiality....just undermines that and makes it ineffective. The only good time to go "semi-dark" is after you've done an excellent Plan B for a long period of time, the affair has started to crumble, and the WS appears to be making moves towards home.

So here's my advice for now:

*Stop dragging your feet about Frank....hire a pro and find out what this guy's background is. A good PI can do this in a couple of hours. Get it done.

*Set a boundary about your children being around Frank.

First: Please contact an attorney to find out what kind of documentation you need if you need to enforce this boundary....and what your rights are as a parent. If you aren't keeping good records about how much you have them....and all these other occurences (like the drinking, Frank sleeping over, his threats etc.)...you need to do it NOW.

My boundary would look something like this: W, you are a grown woman and I have no say so about what choices you make right now. However, while we are still married, I will not tolerate my children being around your affair partner or any other dating partners. If this continues, I will have no choice but to apply for temporary custody in order to protect them from the chaos, conflict and pain this is creating. I have already contacted an attorney and will reluctantly file if you are unable to separate dating from parenting. It's unfair to them, and it's incredibly disrespectful to me. In my eyes, and in the eyes of the law....we are still married. I'm respectfully requesting that you honor that.

When you set this boundary....please do it in writing so that you have a record of what has transpired and she can't later say you threatened her. Please do not have any confrontation with Frank, discuss sensitive or volatile issues with your wife....without a witness present.

*Stop the lovebusting. The minute you lose your temper, or create conflict....especially in front of the children....you lose all the ground you may have gained.

*Stop calling your wife. Just stop. One reason, you don't get as much help as you want here is that you don't follow the good advice you're getting. It's very very important that you RESPOND...but do not INTIATE. I've used these words before....so please remember to let her contact you right now...not the other way around.

*Do your parenting duties....but don't play "family" so that she can get her "family fix". In other words....be a good daddy, and a good co-parent....but arrive and leave separately (like you did with the car thing), don't avoid her, or follow her....find a balance that you're comfortable with. Keep her guessing and off balance.

*Be kind but not nice. Be compassionate, but not enabling. You can't ask for ethical behavior unless you are beyond reproach.

*Don't date or confide in other women right now.

*Be friendly....but you're her husband NOT her friend.

Paul....you seem to have some trouble separating "filling needs", with "helping" her to continue destructive behavior. You have a pattern of giving giving....and then it becomes so painful...you snap. All this does is create the appearance of inconsistency and undermine your efforts.

Stay on track.....solidify your Plan A.

Good Luck

JS are you listening?

Sounds like some great advice you just got.

What's your response? Do you agree you aren't doing everything that was suggested and, if so, do you think you can do them?

I know some of it sounds hard to implement. But let's talk it through. I'm sure we can all help you get there.

Remember if you need inspiration read WyWifeILove's story again. Pay special attention to the parts where he talks about doing things for himself. Being a better father and person for yourself.

Oops, got to go. Be back later.

Thanks for the replies, Star and Mr.W. and MyAlias

I want to read your posts again before I respond.
Instead of asking for help from you guys all of the time, I really need to go back and read the help you have given me so far and start applying it.
First thing: I’ve been rereading my thread and I can see where I’m not responding to the things you have told me to do and I also see where I’m “waffling” back and forth.
I keep saying I’m going to stop calling her and I do it for a day or two then right back at it.

I will keep on posting but I need some time to reread what you all have been telling me (for sometime now) and start applying it.

Update:
In the past ww would pick the kids up and take S12 to football practice and leave with the little ones when it was her night to keep them and then I would take S12 over to her house after practice.
Last night I left work a little early and went home, she was still there getting ready to go to practice with the kids.
Right away she asked “do you want to take S12 to practice while I take D7 to get new glasses?
I said “I cant, I have to be somewhere”
I said “ I told S12 “I wont be able to come to practice tonight so I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Now….she looked a little (mad) or (put out) if you will.
She rinsed out a dish in the sink and I started going around the house closing the blinds etc.
Kids kept asking where you going tonight daddy?
D7 even asked “what’s your friends’ name”?

Yeah, D7 she’s a clever one, fishing me for an answer.
I never said I had a friend or a date.

I just said “what friend?”
D7 “where you going?”
JS “just got some things to do”.
Well, WW told kids to hurry up and get going and I got my coat and went out to my car.
I went to Target and then to Chili’s and had a big burger and a couple of Carona’s and then went to a couple of other stores.
Had a good time by myself.
I need to do this more often and leave her to deal with the kids 100% with no help from me. She’s not helped me on one thing with the kids.
When its my night with them, I go to football practice and then run around trying to get kids ready for bed, showers etc. and then when it’s her night I pick up S12 and still help her out.

Now I see why you all are getting so frustrated with me. Star, Mr. W., MyAlias
Rereading my thread has made me frustrated with myself.
Waffle, waffle, waffle………..shamefull.
So anyway…..where was I?
Oh yeah……Kids didn’t call me last night like they usually do.
I’m guessing WW told them I was out. Don’t know.
But I already had planned on not answering my phone anyway so it’s all good.
This morning, phone rang and I let it go to answering machine, It was ww asking me if I could drop off S12 shoes at her house on my way to work and she said I will try your cell phone.
Cell phone rang and I let it go to voice mail to. Then I turned it off in case she tried to 2-way me.
If 2-way goes through then she knows if its on or off. I didn’t want her to think I was being rude by ignoring her, this way I can say battery was dead and phone was off if she asked.
So I get to work and plug my phone in and guess what? There was a message on there from her so I called her back from work phone.
She answered and said she was getting ready to leave to go by my house and get his shoes.
Wow, things are getting harder for her now that Jeff aint helping her out.

Mr. W…….I will answer one of your questions/suggestions now.


I’m not sure I’m capable enough right now to handle this correctly but I would like to think that if she starts contacting me more in the future that that is something I might try…..good idea by the way.

Tonight she will have the kids again, not sure if she will stay at my house until I get there or not. I’ll just wait and see.
Will I look uncareing if I don’t see the kids after work? Like if she takes them to her house should I stop by to see them before I go home?

Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions.
JS

JS,

First off don't get the impression any of us is frustrated with you. I certainly can empathize with you and your situation and the way you act/react to it. We're only here to offer advice NOT judge you. If we have to reiterate the advice a hundred times to help it sink in with you then that's what we'll do.

We can only show you the path. You have to follow it. If you decide you can't follow the advice then that's your choice (and no one is going to blame you for it). Just remember ... the advice you've been given is PROBABLY your best chance of getting your M back. So even though it feels wrong or painful just remember that part ... OK?



You know ... I had to go back and reread MWIL's story again. How did he handle it when his W was checked out. Well the change of events in his story were different than yours. He went into Plan A, then Plan B, back to Plan A (per SH advice) then back to Plan B once she was invested/interested in regaining her M and family but still waffling around with thoughts of OM. So many times when he wasn't seeing his kids he was going semi-dark. I believe many of these times happened during his first Plan A, first Plan B and second Plan A. So he wouldn't see or hear from his kids.

The one thing I do remember him saying during all of this was that he was devoted to concentrating on himself and his children not his WW. When the kids were with his WW he had days that he didn't hear from his kids. But when he had them he made those times memorable. I specifically remember him talking about pulling the kitchen table into the living room and making a huge tent. They spent their day doing things surrounded by the tent. That sounded like a great Dad-Kid's day. And I think those days more than made up for the days he didn't hear from or see them.

Maybe that is something you can concentrate on when you feel you are being uncaring because you aren't calling to say goodnight, every night. Ya know? Make the days you do have them something really special. That will be special for them AND FOR YOU. Also it will make it a day where your WW is missing out on some extremely memorable stuff. (Kids grow up fast so don't let moss grow under your feet?!). Do you need some ideas on what would be family fun times? There are plenty of things to do that don't cost a lot of money ... just your time and devotion.

If your WW asks why you're distancing yourself you mention the pain the current situation causes for you. And that you are trying to get on with YOUR life. I remember MWIL saying something very similar in his situation. Something about respecting her need, not liking it but respecting her need, to move on and him hoping she'd offer him that same respect. Suddenly when she realized he didn't need her (or maybe want her) anymore she took notice and I believe it changed some of her focus. I'm hoping the same will work for you.

Last night S5 called to say goodnight, D7 was already asleep.
WW got on the phone and asked if I wanted to have the kids for a couple of hours tonight.
S12 has football practice.
They are staying at her house again Thursday night because she is having her niece watch them on Friday because there off from school.
I said I would stop by practice after work and see them for a little bit but I wouldn't be staying.
She said "I bought a new van (at auction) and I need to get liscense and title changed over".
I said "I could stay with them for a while if she needed to go do that and she said "nevermind...maybe I can leave work and go do it.
I said i don't mind staying for a while if you need to do it after work.....let me know.
I didn't ask her anything else about her new van.
I just said "let me know" if i need to watch them for you.

It torques me that she can't take them with her to do these things.
Used to be she took them everywhere with her and i'm sure she was hoping I would stay with S12 at football practice so she could just go home and feed the kids without having to run out again.

Should I be acting like I care about her getting a new van?
Should I have said congratulations?
I thought about saying something nice about how she must feel better to do things on her own and that everything works out or something like that.
I kept the conversation very short and didn't comment on anything.

Can someone hide in the bushes and tell me what to say when I talk to her?
I just don't want to involve myself in her life anymore. I want to concentrate on me and my kids ONLY.
In the past I would have asked her what kind of van she got or how the auction purchace went but now I really don't think I care as much.

Confused (a little) still.

Thoughts are welcome.....thank you.
Jeff

I forgot to mention to Star*Fish that I got a liscense number off of Franks van and gave it to a friend.
Haven't heard back from him yet but when I get his name and info I can give it to my Bother inlaw that has a neighbor who is a cop and will gladly get me all the dirt on him.

I wish this guy would just go away. WW has had the kids for 3 days now and no mention of om being there but I haven't talked much with the kids and when I do I only ask about school things as to not look like I'm prodding them for info.
(ww is usually by them when we talk)
S12 has been over there with her and she knows he doesn't like Frank but I'm not sure she will keep them seperated. I'm sure she would like everyone to just get along so maybe she would have him over to see what S12's reaction is.
Don't know yet.
I'll see them tonight and see if they say anything then if they do say om was with them then I will send her an e-mail like Star*fish mentioned.
Her suggestion.

I like the way that was worded Star.....Thank You very very much for your posts to me.

You all have been so nice and helpfull to me. I will never forget the kindness and strength that all of you have given me.
Jeff

Jeff,

You need to get your ducks in a row.

Have you contacted a lawyer yet? If not you need to do this. You can't claim it to your W if you haven't done it.

I did talk to lawyer.
He said i didn't need to do anything yet. If she files then I should come and see him. He doesn't think she will file, neither do I.
He said to get more info on om before proceding.
He wasn't sure what could be done untill I get more info.

Jeff

E-mail from WW and my response.

2X4's welcome.


My reply
Was I to nice?
Should I have just answered questions?

Thoughts or comments please.

JS

JS, it still sounds so accomodating. I can almost hear you say "What do I need to do to make your life so much better (at the sacrifice of myself).


WW:
I haven't asked S12 if he wants to stay at your house or mine tonight. I didn't want to give him an option until I asked you if you wanted him at your house all alone tomorrow (no school). I just didn't want him to be all bored tomorrow at my house. Although, if he wants to make plans with his friends, he could always have them pick him up at my house. Up to you. And I would also like you to pay half the price of D8's glasses which would be $45. The total was $88.88. They will be ready in 7-10 working days (or sooner). I went to Wal-Mart. Let me know about S12.

I different reply:
I wont be home until later tonight so he'll need to go to your house
You decide about tomorrow.
Hope your having better days.
I'd love to have the kids through the weekend. Sat-Sun-Mon. Let me know.
I'll be taking the kids to D8's hoedown at her school Friday night at 5:30.

Leave out the "If you want me to.". It sounds too doormatty to me. Like you'd bend yourself into a pretzel for her. Start going with more matter-of-fact style answers. Quit trying to be an overly nice guy. You still sound too accomodating. She has to know you don't like the current situation. She has to know you aren't pleased with her behavior but don't take it too far to appear mean and vindictive. Show her you have some self-respect and aren't catering to her cake-eating ways.

YOU DON'T WANT YOUR M TO END. SO START SHOWING SOME SIGNS OF THAT IN REGARDS TO HOW YOU TREAT HER. WHERE'S YOUR STICK?

MyAlias...[my border neighbor]....I love you man.....(in a sort of Budweiser commercial way). LOL
Maybe I could forward her E-Mails to you and you could respond to her for me.

I see what your saying my friend. I wish I could think like a rational man but I keep reading other posts here and forgetting what it is I"M doing.
Try to plan A when I can but I'm just not getting it down like I need to.

Went to S12's football practice and saw the kids for a few minutes.
They were in ww's van and she had her niece with her.
I opened the door and gave neice a big ol hug and she said she was so happy to see me.
WW's sister is a slug of sorts but I have always showed her son and daughter I care.
I did ask ww what kind of van she got.
Didn't say much else other than talk to the kids.

S12 just called from his moms house (about 5 blocks from where I work). I told him yesterday that I would pick him up today around 11:00 and take him to my house to be with his friends.
He wanted to come to my work now. I told him to call his mother and make sure niece was up before he left. She has a habit of sleeping all day.
WW just called and wanted to make sure I said it was ok. I told her I said he could but I wanted to make sure that niece was up before he left. She said "I will make sure she is up". I just said I didn't want him leaving if she is going to be sleeping all day.
She said "I will make sure she is up".
When her sister and her family lived with us they stayed up all night and slept all day. We had to pay a babysitter all summer to watch our kids while her sister and her sisters boyfriend and her niece and nephew were right there.
My ww was fogged even then.


Thanks for all of the responses.

Jeff


p.s. help me with the stick!!!!
I a shicken chit.

help me with the stick?

Jeff, let's see if I can explain this the way I intend. I can't be there to answer all your W's emails. At some point you're going to need to learn to handle these exchanges. There are a couple of things you can do to help. You can do this. Don't lose hope.

When I see your interactions with your W I get the impression your internal talk is always asking "What would SHE like me to do?", "What can I do to make things pleasant for her.". While those are great qualities they aren't extremely helpful given your current circumstances. They work fine when there's an even amount of giving and taking taking place but as I see it right now it's more of "What's best for her.".

It might help you to start thinking about what you want in these moments. Quit putting your W first. Not in a mean way. But what would Jeff like to do? Jeff would like to have his W stop seeing OM and rejoin their M and therefore Jeff doesn't feel all that comfortable bending himself into a pretzel for a WW who is taking advantage of his kindness.

Also as mentioned before I think it would be helpful if you had things to do. Things that would interfere with the schedule. Better yet just having a schedule. You'll look busy because YOU ARE busy. And this will create conflict for her. Right now you are TOO available and TOO willing to be accomodating.

I think it's time to shake things up. You need to be a little mysterious, a little dark yet still doing a solid Plan A. Still treating her pleasantly but not over accomodating.

What ways do you think you could be a little dark? What is it that you could be doing that would catch her attention? "You're not available tonight? Where are you going? You're going to do what? I didn't realize you were interested in that? ". I think those are some things we need you to get your W saying or thinking.

MyAlias,

I hope you know I was kidding about this. LOL


I see your point here and your probably right. I'm starting to feel like myself again and I CAN change this...actually I feel like I've already made some changes. The last couple of days anyway.
I have been gone and away from my phone for the last 3 days that she had the kids and have told her that. I am no longer helping her with the kids, when she has them. I feel better about myself all of the sudden because I'm not there for her when she needs me to be.
She has had to do everything by herself and is probably wondering now what I am doing because I haven't been home for 3 days.
She does come to my house in the morning and she has to wonder if I've even been there at all.
I made sure things were just the way they were when she was last there.
I always have the dishes done etc. but I haven't done anything that would show that I've been there. Blinds open or closed, lights on etc.
Actually I haven't been there enough to do anything. I will have the kids tonight so I can catch up on laundry and dishes (2 or 3 glasses)and cleaning. Not much to do when the kids haven't been there.


I've been sort of dark over the last 3 days, haven't talked to the kids much and no calls to ww.



Starting to get to this place right now sir.



This will take time on her part because I don't think she is to worried about this right now but I do see it happening in the future.
Either way, I'm going to keep it up. I have been having a good time going and doing things these past few days and the kids have been questioning me but not ww (yet)

Last night when I saw her she said something about her new van and how it would get much better gas mileage.
I said I was using up so much more gas now a days since she left that it was costing way more than I expected.

She said where have you been going?
I said just all of the running with the kids. In the past I would use her van on the weekends and for errands and keep my car parked.


Thanks for the thoughts.....got to run.

Jeff

How about posting the emails up here before you reply so we can give you some feed back before you send it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

We'll give it the MB "spin". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I would see the lawyer about what a legal seperation entails vs. the sitch you find yourself in now. It is always good to know what you can and can't do to protect yourself. No need to act, but just knowing your options is impowering. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I believe that Illinois is a marital property state so any debt she is currently acquiring is still "your" debt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I would REALLY CONCENTRATE on trying to find out who "Frank" is. While "Frank" himself is insignificant, finding out who he is will be essential for finding a way to remove him. It is essential that we remove "Frank". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

As long as "Frank" is in the picture you have ZERO chance of recovering your M. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

If you can get his name I can tell you if he has / or had Civil and / or Criminal complaints here in Wiscowsin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

The next time your Kids are at the "Farm" of OM. Have S12 offer to get the mail. OM's last name should be on the box!
Or if we have the address we can reverse look up for the name! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I'm pretty sure I'm located between you an MyA. I'm in Southwest WI.

I echo MyA's sentiment that you need to be less "Available" to her. She needs to find out some of the "real" consequences of the path she is treading! DO NOT help her in anything helps her disolve the M.

How's the Journaling coming?


Stay Strong!

Hi Wtf...........WTF???? LOL
Scratch that--------
Hi Walking the field.

I know I should have done that, but I was hoping I was getting it (what everybody has been telling me) on my own.
Guess not.
I have asked for responses here on a lot of things in the past and haven't got the responses I needed in time to respond.
Did that make any sence???? LOL

I talked to my lawyer and he said that a legal seperation would be a waste of money as long as we were agreeing to things and getting along. He said that I should divorce her if I was going to legally seperate.
I explained to him that I just wanted to cover my butt in case she filed before me.
He been a friend of mine for a long time and knows the situation a little.
He said if she files and he thinks she wont that I can just bring him the papaers and nothing would be lost.
Doesn't matter if I file first or she does.
He knows she won't fight me unless I ask for too much (which I don't plan on doing) because she has NO money and no financial support from family etc., so he said "do whatever you want to for now but I'd wait if I were you".
He also said he could get me custody and support if I wanted to go that route but he thought it was to soon to see if that was nessesary.
My neighbor told me that he gave her $5000.00 down on her van and he said ww's mother paid the final $2000.00 off on the loan.
WW needed the money to buy a car/van at the auto auction so it seems to me and him (neighbor) that she bought a $5000.00 or less van and when she gets it (today I think) that neighbor will pay ww the other $4000.00, when he gets the van from ww and ww will have to pay her mom back $2000.00 and that leaves her with about $2000.00 to play with. Now I know she has borrowed money from her grandma (and maybe others that couldn't really afford to give it to her) for rent and for the deposit on her new place so after she pays some debts off she will have about $1000.00 or less for her bills and stuff.
ww hasn't been thinking "long term" on anything since she left us so this all adds up.
She's a miser when it comes to money so I'm sure she will try to stretch it out to pay for her next rent payment.

I'm ok financialy so I don't need to ask her for any of it and my lawyer told me that "that money will be taken into consideration if and when you get a divorce so you will get it anyway in the end ".
(I just hope he didn't mean in the rear end) LOL

Shes scared to death of debt but I'm keeping a close eye on this as well to make sure there aren't any purchases from her.
She has no credit cards and she knows that whatever her and I spend (credit) will come off from what she gets in the divorce settlement.

This part is driving me crazy...another reason why I want to distant myself from her and her problems.
I'm waiting for the info on him right now. I finally got a liscense number and the cop I gave it too was off for 2 days so I should get something soon an that.
Then I have another friend that will get me any dirt on him.

*twiddleing my thumbs* Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Oh and S12 just told me today that "Joe Dirt" (aka Frank) wasn't around at all the last 3 days so??????
Dont know what to make of that yet but maybe she will keep him away when S12 is there.

I wish I knew some tricks to get him out sooner but I will wait....I'm in no hurry. He's a dirtbag and she knows it and she knows I know it and now her family knows it so I'm sure time will be on my side instead of hers.


Thank you very much....I will call you out if needed. Can I post all of his info right here on this sight for everybody? LOL


She will get nothing from me anymore....I was a fool not to trust these people that have been telling me this for so long now. I get it now!!!!
She told me the other night (yelling) that our marriage was over a year ago and that marriage liscense was "just a piece of paper that doesn't mean anything"
Ok so if were divorced (in her mind) then what makes her think I'm going to help her with her problems.
I'm not.
She need to feel the full brunt of her actions and that don't mean me picking up the kids for her on her night to have them.
NO MORE.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> big talker aint I.

Just notes mainly right now. Dates, times with the kids etc. stuff I have done with the kids and times she couldn't take them.
I just can't get myself to sit down and go over all of this in detail right now.
I want to make it like a daily journal.
It just causes to much pain right now.
I know when I start, that it may help the healing process to go over all of this again and look closely at it but I just don't want to live it again right now.

My focus of late has been to let all of this go and start putting ME and my kids on the front burner.

Thank you...I will.

Jeff

JS,

Just stopped by to see how you've been. Continue working on YOU!! WW's are WAY too unpredictable to even try understanding, they are going through ******, touching satan's hand.

I'll keep up to date a bit more. Took some time away from board and applied it to my marriage!! BTW, things are going very, very well.....3 months or so into recovery!! It can happen....just focus on healthy aspects of yourself for the best opportunity!! I'll repeat...."the more value YOU have in yourself, will translate to move value that OTHERS have in you!!!"