Hey MyAlias,
Sorry, I’ve not been in the mood to post here, kinda putting it on the back burner to help concentrate on the new me and been spending my time reading about others here.
Well despite the potential for you to ignore any advice I'll provide my opinion anyway.
You always do…lol
While I think your heart is in the right place I don't see your words having any impact on your W. Or have you seen signs that her R with OM is wavering?
No signs yet.
I get the impression she's more than happy to move on with Frank. I get the impression she thinks he's a good man. That he's fun and RIGHT for her. So what part of your words to do you think are really going to make a difference for her in this email? What part of it do you think is going to shake her to her core that will make her change her mind?
Sorry…I had a week moment there…..I’m better now…lol
I guess I see this as one last, desparate attempt to try to sway her back to the R. You did say some nice things but you also tried to convince her that the R was good at some point. I think she's rewritten history and doesn't believe it was ever good. And if it was never good then what would lead her to believe a "new" R could be good? Do you see what I'm saying?
Yeah…I here ya <smile>
I think if she were having doubts this letter (reworded a little) might make some small dent or create further doubt for her. But right now I haven't seen evidence to that. So this email is only going to come off looking like you are needy, desparate, frantic and falling apart. None of those are attractive. She needs to see a compassionate, confident, kind, fun person. Those are attractive and those things will show her you are worthy of a 2nd chance.
Very true here Mya…….I don’t call her and won’t be seeing her as much anymore but when I do I’m always busy doing something fun and never down or sad.
Her lawyer has been a “snake” but I never mention anything to her about it.
I also wonder if this email won't inhibit any kind of Plan B you may be considering later on. How's it going to look if one day you say "Please just give it one more shot" and then the next day you seem to cut her out of your life? I think it will look like you are acting out of spite and anger.
Good point……..Your mind is working just a tick better than mine…., btw, I’m very glad you responded to me this way…
I think you need to stay the course. Use the children as a mechanism for continued contact. But keep the contact minimal. Be pleasant but keep it short with her. Your only hope is that the affair will have turmoil at some point. Hopefully spending time with the kids with her present creates issues for her and loser-boy Frankie. Or hopefully his loser-boy ways will become an issue for her. Maybe he'll do something really lame (like he has in the past) and that will be an eye-opener for her.
Still waiting on this part although I’m not sure how much longer I can wait. Ya know?
When it appears there is a ripple in the affair waters be the consistant, confident, compassionate, pleasant and happy man. She needs to see the new you. There is a new you ... right? In my opinion that will be the catalyst that brings your W back to you. Not some desparate "Please, give us one more chance" letter. I think that may actually be counter-productive and ruin any chance you may have. Again JHMO.
Great post here J. and yes there is a new me……I’m the handsome one that all the single ladies are now chasing after……..JUST KIDDING….but seriously, I’m not.
I do have one that is very interested in me right now but she knows of my goals with ww and respects that.
JS being very careful here……..very careful!!!
Again you do what you feel you have to do but please consider what you really want and be smart about how you're going to achieve that. So far much of what you've done hasn't worked. But I believe that is because you've been too accomodating and she's taken advantage of your good nature. She needs to feel the reprocussions of her actions. She needs to know that leaving you means she doesn't get to have you and all the good that is you. She needs to know that you've changed and are a confident, compassionate, fun man who let go of any bad control issues he may have had.
I’m really starting to “see the fog” in her because, now, I’ve begun to settled my emotions a little and it’s a lot easier to see where our relationship was and her issues about “my control” are bull**it.
As the wise Noodle told me before, she had to come up with a reason to leave this marriage and that was all she could come up with…..The truth is she controlled me more than I controlled her. We never fought, I never went out with the boys, I don’t hunt or fish or run around without her and the kids……The only thing I did was get to complacent.
PS: This letter could be construed as controlling. Some of the words make it sound like you are trying to let her know where her thinking is flawed. If you don't believe me let me know and I'll point them out from the perspective of a wayward person who is in withdrawal from you and all your controlling ways. Remember that's who you're communicating with. Not your W but an alien who has taken over her mind.
Truth is, I’m glad you noted this to me because now I can see what you mean…..didn’t notice it when I was writing it but to a ww, that’s exactly how she would have seen it.
Another reason why I waited so long before I decided if I was going to send it was because I wanted to see how I felt after a couple of days.
Sometime my emotions run around in circles and I have sent her things in the past that I later looked at and wished I hadn’t sent it.
Now, “I’m still”………..and starting to "get it" and my feet are getting more and more "planted everyday"
YOU know what I talking about!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Jeff
