After 3 weeks of traveling, DD and I are back. We had a fabulous time. It was more like visiting family than going to a foreign country. Our friends welcomed us into their home and we became part of the household. DD went to school there for parts of 2 weeks. I putzed around with my friend doing errands, planning her garden and walking on the beach. Until the last days before we left, we didn't do hardly anything touristy.
There were still the 4 a.m. demons there. Like at home, I'd wake up in the wee hours pondering my life. My friend had been a BW ages ago before this current long and successful marriage. She doesn't let her H get away with much. It helped me see what crumbes I've accepted over the years.
I was dark with everyone the entire trip. No phone calls, no checking the computer and therefore no emails and since I forgot my address book, postcards only to people whose address I could remember. The distance and time differences make communication difficult. I also wanted time to reflect and think. I also felt that H needed time to reflect and think. Before we left, I felt he was using me as a crutch to get through his personal crisis. I don't mind being supportive but I do believe H needs to develop his own inner resources.
H is in a snit about me not contacting him. He refused to meet us at the airport. DS did. According to DS, the flight came in too late for him but not for his 19 year old son. I called and texted from LAX but he hasn't returned them. When I got home, I saw the emails he sent about being depressed and feeling that my lack of contact was sending "bad message".
As always, it's all about him. I can't just be far away and busy. He needs to make it into a malicous attack upon him. I guess that's a message to me.
On my cellphone, I had several messages from my lawyer. I had told them I'd be gone but they were trying to contract me about setting court dates. H must have known about this from HIS lawyer. It's just too weird.
So, Grape is back in town. A bit jetlagged but feeling strong.
