Rin,

This is a tough one.

Is it permanent? Is this some sort of punishment for the things that happened at work?

That could be a big obstacle to take. I know when the FWW worked in a retail clothing store it was very hard. Mostly because I felt like a single dad. Come home take care of the kids etc.

Then she get the day to herself while they are at school and I am at work. More responsibility falls on the person working the regular schedule.

Make sure you take breaks etc. It can be a real drain so do your projects. LOL.

If it is permanent then maybe he looks into doing something else sooner or later. If not then you take this as just an obstacle you can overcome together and become stronger as a couple.

Blah blah blah. It all sounds good but it is hard. LOL.

Wow, 6 12-hour shifts a week .... that's got to be hard to work.

Our kids are quite a bit older, so I don't worry as much about leaving for a little while when they are asleep. It would be hard with little guys like yours, though.

I'll try to think back to WH's days of working that shift and remember what all we did to help. We had some pretty creative ways to get time in ....

How flexible is YOUR work schedule? Could you adjust it a little and have breakfast with him in the mornings? Come in at 9 instead of 8 ... ? Then you get to put him to bed with a nice, full stomach, thinking happy, cozy thoughts about his wife .... ?

My schedule is set. I leave the house at 7:30 to get the kids off to school and the sitter. I get to work right on time...being a small company and I've been with them the longest...they depend on me...sometimes I think to much...it's a little bigger than mom and pap. Like my boss says I'm his right hand man!

I'm sure we will work something out...there was hardly any SF last time...I'll get Sat. morning and He'll be around the house on Sunday nights.

Thanks AmI, I would be grateful for any suggestions. I like the breakfast thing...LOL

I feel so empty, I got to see H for about five minutes! H said to look at it this way...it's extra money...he's not sure if it's going to be 12hrs or 13 hrs shifts. He's also not sure if they have changed the lunch hours since the last time he was started working nights which was over a year ago. I just told him that we were going to have to find creative ways to stay connected. He didn't sleep any today so, he said he was going to be really tired tomorrow.

He seemed to be in good spirits when he left. He mentioned I have the garage to finish working on. He said he waited on us to get home before he left and that he ususally leaves at 15 after 5. He kissed me and left.

I know he was trying to be positive and reassure me in his own way, right?

You choose to believe he was being positive in his own way, that's good enough for me. Is it for you?

Tough trigger time, Rin...staying connected...notes in his pockets...I did jokes I found on the net...I love AmI's idea of the family taking him a hot meal at his lunch break...

You know what the signs were last time...you are smarter now, more aware...do not fear the A restarting...do your snooping...checking his mileage in the morning, would that help you feel better about any stops at the store?

My lame ideas...inserted when I think a wave acknowledging I'm with you, probably would have been enough.

(((Rin)))

You can do this. I do not believe there is anything you can't do. And this is temporary, correct? Not forever...just for now...

LA

((((((RIN))))))

I'm sorry hon .... those nights are no fun.

I'll be around late tonight if you want to just chat and have someone to talk to....

Hang in there. Play extra hard with the kiddos ....

-AmI.

If I've got my H back...he'll call to check on us later. He knows I'm worried/fearful...I don't think the A will restart but that's only because I feel it ended badly without knowing that it did. I think it's just the past emotions coming to the surface. I'm trying to be positive too! Yes, it is temporary...even if it lasts six months...

We just started connecting and he could by working nights for months...I like the jokes in his pocket...that's cool! I wouldn't have thought of that...and H loves to laugh...he's always watching comicview!

I'm still sad about it...I don't feel like doing anything but I need to go cook supper...then maybe I can work up the energy to go repair and build some stuff. I'm trying to smile...I promise... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

AmI, I might need to talk...it's hard going to sleep without him there...when he would go hunting and I would stay home with the kids...I wouldn't get to bed until 2 or 3am...as luck would have it today I'm tired and I could always take something.

LA, I don't know if that's good enough for me...I sit back and watch...nothing more I can do really...well, of course, speak my mind...not like he can request to stay on day...he's on probation for 90 days...

You know the last time FWH went nights I was fine with it...nothing bothered me about it...matter of fact the kids went to their grandparent's for a week...that week I entertained myself with shopping and burrowing the stores. Something I don't get to do in peace...

This time I feel like I've lost something...I'm just sad...feel like I don't have any energy...the kids are being terrible...especially the little one...I just put him on his knees...OS is okay...tattling on his brother...

It's one of "those" nights...I'll be happy to get the kids in bed tonight...

At least I don't feel like I've going crazy...that's a good thing...well, let me finish supper...the final step and then it'll be done...

I wish HL was cooking tonight! LOL

Well, guys, I'm using my time wisely and finished repairing the other wall. Tomorrow shelves and some other ideas for storage. I thought about building a fold away table...something attached to the wall with hinges...you swing it up for use kinda of thing...

Thing is I have so many ideas, I can't decide on which one to use...Hey, keeps me occupied!

We only saw H for a few minutes and it looks like this might go on until Nov., maybe Dec....they have 200 wenches to do whatever they are doing to them...not like he has a choice but H was saying something about his time and if they didn't pay him thirteen instead of twelve he would request going back to days.

Long term it will help out on the money that we lost last week...short term...I'm nervous...I know he's doing what he feels he has to for our family but the two weeks that things have been going well...can I lose that?

So, we're talking H working from 6pm to 7am. Oh bot, that's going to be tough!

Okay, I had to stop myself from searching for that dang card! This is ridiulous, it's just a stupid piece of paper...that he quickly took out of the trash and hide very quickly!

This is crazy...we're almost to a month of NC...we're doing great...then that dang suspension from work and now nights...

I'm mad, not angry but mad...I want to ask what's wrong with me but I know nothings wrong with ME...we haven't talked about the card or anything else...just today when H said he knew exactly what my mind went too...

Of course, you jerk, I got screwed over the last time you worked nights and here we are over a year later and I'm dealing with it all...I so what to say something like that thinking about it now...

Thinking about feeling lose earlier...I'm grieving again...I have another new reality to deal with...my realities changing is almost as bad as Louisiana weather...wait a minute and that too will change...

H hasn't called...when I saw him he was on a cart tracking down a welding machine because he couldn't start the job without it...he had a break at 9pm...no call...lunch should be coming up soon I think and still no call...

I shouldn't have that thought in my mind...you know...when I said earlier if I have my H back he'll call to check on us...that would go into the catagory of expecting things and we all know how that turns out...

Well, it's almost 11:30 here and I know I need to go to sleep but I can't bring myself to go crawl in that bed...much less walk in our room...for fear I'll go stupid again and go on a search...and endless search...

What to do? How to breathe and relax? Where is my attitude of focusing on the positive that I had? Tomorrow's a new day...where did that go?

well, I just called H to see what he was up to. He was on lunch and said he would be grumpy in an hour or two. He asked what I was doing I said just sitting here. I said I just feel really distant today, you don't reply to my TM earlier today, I got to see you for lunch, then five minutes beofre you left, and five minutes earlier. I'm use to you calling.

He said that they are really busy and have until the 18th to get out a 100 wenches. Said he was busting his butt. He told me to go to bed so I could get up with him in the morning but still isn't sure what time he's getting off...he said you'll see me when I get there...

That helped me feel soooo much better...I've got a mixture of feeling...wanting to cry...wondering what's going on...if it's just the job or what...

This is not easy...how can I be faced with the same sitch and hold on...okay tears...okay trying to pull myself together...I need to got to sleep...I was complaining how tired I was this morning...and it hasn't been a good day...

After that conversation, I feel like something's wrong...it's not a deep gut thing...it could be just running myself into that pole, different rung, different view, same feelings...no trust...

I'm feeling pretty low and I was hoping to talk to him and feel better but it didn't work...only helped feel worse...

I couldn't even tell from his voice how he was doing...besides the "co-worker" were in the background...

Okay, I need to get with the program ladies and gents but how in the heck do I do that? I'm working up the courage to go to sleep...erase that slate of mine and hope for a better tomorrow...

Morning all! I wanted to post that I'm better today...I went to bed @ 1am, woke up @ 1:30, went back to bed @ 2, up at 4, and again @ 6.

I guess this will take some adjustment.

You know I have been thinking for awhile why I haven't made more friends here than I have. I try posting to others and helping out...I feel that I need to give something in return for the help that I recieve here. Of course, the old me wants to know what's wrong with me...

The new me knows there's nothing "wrong" with me but still wonders if I can improve my relationships with others...I wonder about here, but also on the homefront and making new friends...I would like to have closer relationship then just being an acquintance...

Would this be self-doubt creeping in on me? I don't know, between last night and the questions in my head today...I'm wondering if I appear needy...

Hi, Rinderella,

It takes a while to get into the swing around here, but as time goes on, you'll find you have more and more friends here.

Sometimes, there is just not enough time to post to everyone we would like to post to, so we tend to focus our posting on those who have some issues they need to deal with right away. That's not to say that your issues don't need addressing, but sometimes MBers have things going on that they need to throw a monkey-wrench into ASAP.

Also, sometimes, it's hard to address a situation when you can't think of constructive ways to help. And, sometimes, it may be a situation like we have where we also don't know what to do. So, we tend to think it's better to keep our mouths shut (or fingers from typing) so as to not make things worse.

I've followed your thread some, and I think that you are doing some tremendous work on yourself. Basically, that's all we can do...work on ourselves.

Your H seems to be much like mine in many ways. My frustration has gotten the better of me, but I'm slowly starting to work on myself again.

Oh, and I have to say that I found this typo hilarious!


Don't you think we have enough "wenches" in the world without your H having to get out more???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Lady C-

LMAO...That is SOOO funny...thank you SOOOOO much for calling that to my attention...I really needed a good laugh this morning! RMAO.... LOL...

Thank you for addressing some of my concerns...I would rather someone else be helped if they are in need rather than me.

I have a habit of rushing things if you haven't notice...being still is something I'm working on...

Since H will be working nights for a while, my plan is to work on the garage (Stay busy with something I like), try my very best to stay focused and centered, work on me (not sure how I'm going to do that one), and be the best mom, wife, friend, etc. that I can...

LOL...easier to write than do...OH, and keep an eye out on FWH...

Thank you so much for your post this morning! I really needed it. ((((Lady C))))

Rin,
I saw your post and wanted to know that I have read your post since my first day her and I have followed your story and your post to other's. You have inspired me, given me hope in my darkest hour, and made me see me in a new light.

I feel the same I do post her just to get support and sometimes its just for me to vent or rant and I want to see validation but there are so many people her with realtime problems that need other's attention more.

So you might not hear this again from me for a while but your loved and cherished as are the other poster's here that try and help.

side note could you ask hubby to make an extra wench and send it to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Aye matie, we have ENOUGH wenches!What we need is a good scew! LOL

...we love ya Rin! I get caught up in my own little drama, but you are not forgotten, I check on you even if I don't have the energy to post. I know what you mean about friends. I lost of circle of 13 friends due to FWH's A. We spent every weekend together...but WH/OW were together then too. Now my close friends and friends at work support me but don't really understand why I still want to stay w/ my H. They don't want to be around him, so they don't come around at all. It would be cool if we had real life sponsors like in AA. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

Just a suggestion from me. When my FWW worked nights it gave me time to concentrate on the boys. They brought me joy. Reading to them, rough housing with them, cooking them dinner, giving them baths etc.

You have a lot you can do to become a better person too. Maybe this is actually a GOOD THING!!!!!

Oh HL that is crazy talk. I know you have the past bringing up bad memories and thoughts. That is tough to deal with.(god do I know that)

However this could be a good time out from "talking" about the M and the A and the R. (did I miss any abreviations there). Plus it has been said "absence makes the heart grow fonder"(i think that is what it is)

So now even though you are apart it can bring you closer together. Him actually missing you. (god I used to love it when I went on business trips and my FWW told me how much she missed me)

You can now cherish the time you do have together and make the most of it. You can work to shove as much into the little time you have together. Those times bring great memories. Sometimes the little day to day things people do are missed but when you put so much effort into it because it has been a while it is memorable.

I would say this is a time to make sure when you are together you fill his EN's as much as you can. I know you do but remember you have less time to do it. But you can do it so much in that time he will see it more.

I hope that makes sense.

I forgot...
Working opposite shifts is going to be tough. Will he be rotating...or is this a permanent change? Is he still considering looking for a new job? How will you manage time together? I worked the grave yard shift for 3 years (before I was married) I spent most of my time sleeping. When I met my H and we went out on our 1st date he thought we'd be out til dawn. Huh! The problem I found working nights when I had a day off I didn't want to waste it sleeping so I'd stay up. I had one glass of wine and fell asleep by a fire..its a wonder we had a second date!

Oh, I have so much to say...you guys...in a matter of minutes I went from laughing to tear of joy and heart felt warmth and comfort... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

How do you guys feel about him repairing the wenches? LOL Does that make it ANY better? LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Viking- You really made my day...Thank you for the beautiful compliments, I will hold them close to my heart...you're the little gemlin that started me tearing up...LOL...I'm not use to tears of joy these day...thank for the new experience...

ChaCha- I think that's bothering me too. The friends I would talk to, I really don't anymore...I can understand that they really don't want to get in the middle or feel like they have to take sides...which I'm not asking them too...but it really makes it hard to be feeling so low and wanting to pick up the phone...then don't...felling like I've be imposing or have another HN sitch happen...

No, indeed! I just find it easier to post then take that chance again...

No rotation...permanent until...and that's a cute story about you and H! I like that! LOL

HL- Man, you are the greatest sometimes...LOL...I'm picking on you a little... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

No, really...you have an awesome perspective and I'm going to really take your advice...live beyond the fear that I have been experiencing since yesterday...after reading your post I feel that it I keep living in that fear I will NOT be helping my M... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Living in fear is not apart of a great Plan A either...I'm going to gather all my strenght and courage...hug my pillow really tight, cry in it if I have too, but fake it until I make it...

You made so much sense...I was thinking it's a plan B but not really...but both combined...weird and I understand it in my mind...LMAO... I get it!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LA- I'm just waiting to hear what you have to say dear...I'm aware of a few things...what's it say when I feel ashamed of my behavior last night...I really felt needy because I don't want to be that way...

Oh, BTW, I understand you don't bash... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks again for all the wonderful things...I can tell you all this I'm really not good at taking compliments...being here is the most I've ever gotten and it's hard to see myself the way you all do...Boy, THAT was hard to say!:'(

Hey, Rin.

Wish I'd been here with you last night!

I remember those nights ... getting up every hour or two ... checking out every sound in the house ... hating that big, empty bed ....

I slept with the TV on almost every night that WH (he wasn't W back then, he was a really good H one time) was working. Sometimes on my middle-of-the-night wake-ups I'd send him a little e-mail or text ....

Those are rough to get used to. Wish I could've helped last night!

I bet your garage is going to be amazing by the time your H goes back to day shift!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there, you really are doing great. You're my inspiration!

-AmI.