Good thinking with HN .... that's a whole big change in you right there!

How many times have you told me that I can't expect to learn everything right off the bat and have it down perfectly? Same goes for you, Super-Rin!

You have made HUGE strides, I can absolutely see them. You're my idol -- seriously! I wish I'd made some of the progress that you have!

Maybe it's time to take some of the pressure off yourself and recognize the accomplishments you have made.

Just in your post .... appreciating DH, finding ways to spend time with him, spending time taking care of yourself in the workshop, not feeling threatened by HN ....

Girl, you really have come such a long way. I wish you could see what I can! I'm really proud of you!

-AmI.

I guess things just get clouded from time to time. How's LA say that? We get in our own way or something like that!

I'm definitely not pining from H, and there was something about that bothering me too! I guess that's the difference between being "in love" and having "true love."

I guess what you could say I'm doing is a reassestment right now...making sure I am going in the right direction.

Reassessing is probably always a good thing.

Just don't lose track of all the accomplishments you've made so far. You seem like you're beating yourself up for not being to the top of the ladder yet ... and not realizing just how far up you've made it already. Maybe just my perception?

Rin, Rin, BoBin, FeeFiFoFin....RIN...

Just sharing what's in my head....good morning!

What if humans can't be sure of going in the right direction? What if we can only know our desire, know what we know, and give it our best shot?

And what if all the times we believe (in hindsight) we went in the wrong direction...but it was the right one to get us to the place where we learned more? Wouldn't the wrong be right?

I smell a perfectionist villager...do you?

Can you tell me the difference you see between "On Guard" and "Aware"?

LA

No, you're right...thing is it's dealing with me and not the M...it's harder to see what I've done...

The yelling...come to think about it is in the afternoons and not in the morning...so I need to look in that direction...long day at work...H not there...dealing with them by myself...I come here but no other support...money's tight b/c H's suspension...

I didn't think the money thing was bothering me...no that's not it...I have been wanting to get involved with some type of group and haven't...that has..

Kind of rough having the kids...we're intentional not getting a sitter right now b/c of money...the kids breaking stuff is really getting on my nerves...just adding to my list and I have things that I still need to take care of that I haven't had time to do...

Oh, and no LA fix...that will make you act like a crack fiend! LMAO

Hi all! I got off at 3pm today. Woke FWH up for a little QT, then we tried to take a nap but that didn't work. So, we decided to go for a bike ride real quick.

When we got home, I mentioned that I was still looking into finding a group of my own to join. He joked saying that I could be a biker chick. I said that I would like to make some new friends, that it seems that since everything came out I really don't talk to many people.

I mention that MPELE thread about her sitch with her friends saying that she was stupid for staying with her H. I said that I had been told the same thing. He's head came up so fast! I continued naming two of our friends with sitch that something bad has happened in their M, saying that until you are in that situation and have to make that decision, no one known what they will do.

In our friends' sitch, both couples decided to stick it out. I said that they have history and that they didn't want to lose that.

FWH didn't say anything, but he surprised me when his head came up so fast after I stated that I have been told I was studip for staying with him.

We ended the conversation because I had to leave to pick up the kids. When I got back he was pulling out of the driveway to go to work.

LA- I still would like to learn from you about being respectful and not DJing...about self respect and anything else that I can. You mentioned the other day that your plate was full but if you can just mention a few things that you feel I can improve...I would be very happy to try an do my best.

Also, give FWH's behavior do you feel that I still need to wait a few more weeks to talk about R/M? It's okay if I don't/can't, I really don't have anything I really want to discuss with him. I feel that I can leave the past in the past, even the info about the A, and just concentrate on moving forward. Could I be kidding myself?

Did you see the post whether I wrote about my feelings, which you had asked for? If not it's on pg 23, I believe.

I'm feeling better right now than I have the last two days. Funny how we can have a great day or two and then, bam two days in a row...I just didn't feel like I had the energy to make the most of the day.

About the yelling in the afternoons...do you think you have a hidden belief at work, with a sneaky permission?

When humans get tired, they show their emotions.
Showing my emotions when I feel fatigued is acceptable.
Showing my emotions means acting them out.

Hey, I sure had that permission! I think I might still have that one...hard to revoke. That's what I heard from my FOO..."I'm tired and I'm angry. Deal with it." Permission didn't extend to me as a child, but I took it up when I thought I'd become an adult. I think it's common.

I know I don't make good decisions when I'm tired. You haven't been sleeping...hmmm...physical fatigue may give you permission for emotional release...as if your emotions take too much energy...not saying this is bad or wrong...just not that healthy. Kids take a lot of all energy...mental, emotional, physical and I swear, spiritual.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I put swear and spiritual right next to each other.

However...love is energy...it's an emotion...so maybe the ones we view as negative seem to take effort?

Hmmm.

I didn't comment on the bathroom debacle...because I didn't see where you heard why your YS did that...was he trying to blow up the plumbing? Did he think some really cool explosion might take place, worth the price of the experiment? Was he inventing or what?

My experience wasn't much...even with three sons. My middle one used crayons on the walls and a wastebasket once...and I felt incredible regret when I launched into the bathroom and saw that (it was relatively new), and realized he'd used my makeup to do it...so I threw him out of the bathroom, grabbed papertowels, AOing all the way, and two big swipes into it I realized how beautiful he'd made it...sincerely...and I had ruined it. I realized in that one minute I would have treasured that trash basket for years had I not ruined it in my fury and umbrage.

As for money...that was my Achilles heel...oh, boy! How I LB'd...with full permissions...to fret, worry, etc. over money. You're not doing that, it seems. Not having the sitter money would be a concern for UA time...which was mostly with others, as I recall. Might be a blessing in disguise...it's temporary...money will come back...maybe this break from what you didn't feel was UA time will help, in the end...hard to see from the present, I know. However, creative UA time at home...might give you both a way to enjoy something and make it a habit before the money comes back up to include sitting.

As for fatiguing yourself because of all you aren't doing...the groups, self-focus, etc...heck, Rin, that's all you! LOL If you don't have sitters for UA time, you don't for you time, either, do you? Think you could use family for that...the Al-Anon times? Might be the break you seek the one hour of me-time you're craving...only you'll have to leave your power tools at home. It's a rule.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

How much love and understanding are you directing towards yourself? Sitting with yourself at night, for half an hour...no radio, kids or tv? Sitting where you can curl your calves under your knees on a soft spot and watch moonlight? Listen to wind or see clouds move? Loving yourself is listening inward, accepting, not judging, and knowing yourself from where your thoughts roam...connecting to your heart, mind, body and soul...can be prayerful, has to be not doing...just being.

And your sleep as a high priority would be healthy, too. Maybe this self-hour before bed? Being gentle with yourself?

After three nights of doing this, tell me on the fourth afternoon...how are you feeling now?

(LMAO at you trying to control my drug injection...after giving me one!!)

Is this where you said your feelings?

"I'm craving FWH attention, a small gift, something...anything...

Yesterday, organizing the workshop, I ran across a lot of old cards, letter, some from the first OW...I threw them away and did my best to let go of those feelings...i made the mistake of reading two... this was from 8 years ago...flirty...sexual references...just put them in the garage without a word said...

They should be gone by the time I get home...

I'm not feeling overwhelmed today just a little down...I was doing good after my nap but I had to run the post office and heard this darn song causing me to think of FWH and OW... FWH's Christmas party...a phone call he made on his cell while sitting outside...just a flood...

I'm trying to just face them...chose how I react to them and not allow them to bring me down...

It's just rough...we're on our 8th day of working nights...soon enough...I feel like I've been slapped today! "

I read all your posts, Rin...I do! Gotta have my fix. Let me know if this was the post you referred to above. You might say I want us to be on the same page before I reply.

I crack me up.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Al-Anon is where I learned about living a respectful life.

When I finally got the human condition...the limit and the freedom...the responsibility of what I could control and all that I couldn't...then practicing being respectful...listen and repeat...to listen and repeat with filter...to everyone, not just DH, then my new belief got into my belief system through my deepest desire. I made it my intention, stayed aware of it and each time I acted on it, I praised myself...appreciated my effort. And because I do not allow myself to beat up others, I don't allow myself to kick my own butt when I screw it up. I do my amends; acknowledge, apologize and tell myself, "I don't want that. I won't do it."

And forgive myself.

My plate isn't too full for you, Rin. I was intimating, and not directly saying, I've been typing posts to others a lot about it and felt overwhelmed typing it again to you at the time.

Your nudge today signalled me that maybe I need a simply way of saying it...you've already gotten my wordy best efforts...maybe what you were asking for was a reminder? Simple is a challenge for me...you asking reminded me it really isn't a lot of effort, just seems like it because I fear I can't be simple and direct. I fear and act from that fear at times, hearing that people have to reread my posts so many times to understand them. I deeply appreciate THEIR effort and sometimes have that twinge of shame, of not being clear enough for a one-time grasp. Like I'm making them do all the work.

I'm in a process, too...thanks for the reminder. Only way through is to practice, eh?

LA

I'm sorry LA I was referring to when you asked for me to write about me feelings working on the workshop.

It began: "Re: Ready to use the R word! [Re: LovingAnyway]
#3102482 - 09/17/06 06:33 PM
HAHA...Since you asked to know more about my project I think I can manage to get more insight..."

LOL...I did ask YS...I failed to mention it b/c I was so mad at the time...LOL...He was trying to make a rocket! LOL

"LOL If you don't have sitters for UA time, you don't for you time, either, do you? Think you could use family for that...the Al-Anon times? Might be the break you seek the one hour of me-time you're craving...only you'll have to leave your power tools at home. It's a rule."

NO FAIR, NO POWERTOOLS! Man, what a bummer! LMAO

No, unfortunately, no family for that...the one's I could have asked just moved. The sitter I was using is my 16 year old cousin...If would definitly be the break I'm looking for!

HAHA...LOL...You got the meditation time...I haven't done any! Shame to say...I have been trying to get some sleep...I've been taking naps at lunch, quickly grabbing something to eat and out the door back to work...

Tues., I dropped OS off at regilion and came back to the house...had YS lay on the sofa with me...set me alarm...and napped until it was time to go...two nights I've done the benadrly thing and instead of (well one night) staying up until 12 or 1, I was in bed for 10.

I know FWH would perfer that I "wake" him up on my lunch hour but I'm using that time for me.

The money thing should be resolved tomorrow and Fri., with the hours that he's working and being 7 days a week, we should be able to get our ducks back in a row soon enough. I have faith in us!

I admire you...I find that I enjoyed reading your posts several times...not that I didn't understand but b/c I felt like you challegne me to dig deep within me for the answers...for me to think...much to the same way I felt about my Latin teacher in HS.

MR. R changelled us to be all we could be...he was the first person that touched me...if you cheated he didn't say anything to you...b/c you knew...on Friday's we would have discussion day...anything the class had questions on...HE taught me a lot about life...in much the same regard that I find you do.

I guess if you are shooting for simplier posts than I was have to learn to get my fix in smaller doses...LMAO

Your YS was trying to make a rocket by tying a hand towel around the faucet? He was trying to make a rocket of THE HOUSE???

ROFLMAO...what an adventurous, creative little destuctor! Oh, a story for a lifetime, Rin.

What about sitter = GN? Once a week for an hour...and your DS's promise no experiments while she's there.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey, you're already doing some good self-care...napping at lunch (something I do when stress goes high)...and I was going to suggest it (hogging clairvoyant credit) but I DJ'd you in my head thinking erroneously that no, that was DH time...the shared lunches...forgetting he was SNOOZING away, too.

LOL

I think I'm a little tired.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"MR. R changelled us to be all we could be...he was the first person that touched me..."

Did you report him?

:::ducking:::

That was me ducking a compliment...an authentic one from you...what a comparison. I'm really honored, Rin. Thank you. <--that's me owning, not ducking.

Now for the emotions...

"Funny I was able to get out alot of emotions when I tore the wall down...I think it was really healthy because of the fact that FWH was going nights...I was scared. I'm not sure if I was scared of the A rekindling or if it was just those darn emotions creeping in of the night that I found out the A was partial taking place when he worked nights. (During the day when I was at work, ow, scary!)"

So the emotion you stated was fear? One emotion?

"All in all I, feel that this has been great therapy for me...see when I was working I didn't think about any of that stuff...I was/am concentrating on the task at hand and my abilities to get it done. Not only do I feel better able my talents but me as a whole, it's funny how something like that can boost your self-esteem."

I miss the emotion here...can you help me out? Feeling better isn't an emotion to me. I want more.

"All the years of wondering whether I was good enough...I have proven to myself..."

Not an emotion...but a belief...and you are addressing those often and well...I'm getting them.

"When it came to building my first set of shelves, I was nervous and actually got mad because I tried to use the tablesaw without any instruction and cut it wrong. I walked into the house, said "I told you I needed you (FWH) to show me how to use it." Talk about great communication on my part...needless to say I was shown and from there the best was yet to come."

Nervous...fear-based anxiety from the unknown...and then anger...usually follows fear, btw...fear proved right...failure...lots of self-kicking...which I'm bashing you for (because you missed me bashing)...and then from your fear and anger you DJ'd? You blamed FWH? Do I have that correct? What emotion came then? Relief he showed you? Him making right what he'd neglected to do, or relief from you attributing your fear-anger-pain to him?

"Looking back I can compare it to post D-day...I exposed, I had a blow up, things calmed down, and now I'm working on my part. I have learned great things about myself while Plan Aing and continue to learn new things about myself."

Blow up and calmed down don't communicate or identify what emotions you have or had...gimme the scoop, Rin.

"Anyway, while repairing the side walls I was nervous about my abilities to cut clean lines from the old wood I was recycling and making something that was worthy of my skills. I knew I was able but my question was can I make it look like I want to without screwing it up...LOL ...sure I questioned myself the entire way through and as I went along, I got more confident! Not once did I get frustrated or angry with myself..."

Got nervous again...you being aware of your nervousness, where it was coming from (the belief you'd screw up without knowing you would) and this nervousness fading away as you proved your fear (this time) groundless. Because you did, no frustration or anger followed the fear. So you're saying you know it's okay when you fear screwing up to be angry and frustrated (proving your fear correct) and that you don't experience frustration or anger when you don't prove it correct?

"Ideas started coming to mind...saying to myself "Well, I can do this and this, no I'm not going to do that.""

And when you aren't experiencing fear, frustration or angry, you know your creativity comes through more fully, like a widened valve? (Not unlike the experiment your YS performed?) Sounds like you really experienced conscious choice, strong awareness and the peace that comes from not reacting to fear but holding it and acting anyway, to the best of your ability (which seems to be a WHOLE lot!)

"It really feels great to start with nothing, not know where you're going to end up...much less if you can even do what you are setting out to do...and accomplish what you never thought you could!"

Feels great isn't an emotion...come on, identify for me. Pretend we're in earth science...you're calling what I handed you a rock and there are no rocks...there are minerals, a lot of them, different kinds, that make the "rock." (Yeah, I was an geonerd. What of it?)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"My remodeling is similar to my journey to recovery from all the pain and hurt...I didn't know if I could recover or even if I wanted to...but I've managed to find the energy...even when hot and tired to keep going...I've accomplished things within me that I didn't even know I could..."

Sounds like you changed your perceptions about others and yourself...and you're appreciating and admiring making those new choices, experiencing the rewards of them immediately, and love being centered and loving yourself...and a dab of earning love...but I'll let that go. Sounds like you blew your own expectations out of the water because life is...instead of living in shoulds.

"I feel wonder...like I'm on cloud nine...this week long project has made me feel strong. For a long time I had felt like I had lost myself...nothing I did made me feel good...but working with wood...creating something, anything...now that's a passion I have always had. For me it's a tiny miracle..."

You feel wonder...the emotion of awe? I'll buy that. You just widened my emotions list...I feel wonder like my chest and mind opening at the same time, taking in what I didn't know could exist. Feeling on cloud nine...you're a shyster you are..would that be elation, delight, joy, celebration, a mix of all of them? Tell me what your cloud nine feels like, 'k? And throw in what feeling strong feels like to you...'cuz that's not on my emotions list...it's on my belief list. And that feeling good...on the belief list...good is a judgment, a belief...not an emotion to me...help me out, 'k? I'm impaired in my own perception.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Passion is a merging of belief and emotion to me...it really goes on both lists...you are a creator, in God's image, and you have a passion for creating...AWESOME awareness and thank you for sharing that with us.

"My feet would start moving and being alone, I could really let loose and act silly...LOL ...try some things I've seen on videos...connect with that inner child who loves to come out and play...Smiling the entire time...even now as I think at it (your huge smiley was here)"

Fantastic self-care...I think I already kudo'd you for it...inspiring and delightful to me...emotions represented in words? Let loose...uhm, Rin? Silly? (A judgment)...doesn't negate a thing you said...I could feel a lot of my emotions as I danced with you and sang...I don't know yours, though. Smiling...a thousand smiles...describe your emotions within that smile that time...please?

See, that's where I missed the sharing of feelings...and this isn't you doing it wrong...this is me now used to identifying emotions, which I'm still learning to do...by name, taste, smell and feel inside me. Come along and learn how much we deny what is ours, what is valid, because we do not have the tools to look directly at them, glean the important information and know disinformation, to trace them back to our beliefs...you're a lumper. I was a lumper.

Power is in the process...all yours...discovering it in every step...no perfection at the end...more process.

LA

WOW, I totally missed that ...no emotions...okay, what one?

Could be a fear of intimacy? LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

NOPE, didn't report it! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Do you want another great laugh? OS was maybe two or three, I told him to go put his clothes in the dirty clothes. Well, I found them a few hours later...in the toilet! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> LMAO still to this day on that one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OKay, I'll get back to you on the emotions...I have to think what emotions are. I know frustration, happy, proud, angry, sad...I have forgotten about joy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

HUH? How do I expect anyone to understand me if I can describe what I feel?

Funny, OS came home with a chart of emotions one time...I should have kept it...made some smiley faces and changed them out as the emotions in me changed! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

OKay, I'm confused but I will describe my emotions in my next post. I think I'm going to mediate on it! Do you like that? huh,huh, huh? LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

This is going to be an adventure! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Okay, after having sat in the workshop just looking around and remember all the sweat and thought I put into the project. I remember feeling scared, because I haven't done anything like that before and didn't know if I could, but as the same time excitment because it was something new.

I was very calm and proud during the construction of the walls. They went fairly easy and I felt reallt confident after I finished them. Next, I decised to try my hand at buildinga worktable since I had to remove the worn cabinet with the wall. I was extremely skeptical about my ability to build something like that.

I mean it had to be level, which I was fearful that I wouldn't be able to do. I was apprehensive about being able to add the doors that I wanted; however, even feeling scared and apprehensive, I was inspired to keep going. Not knowing where to start, I started with the top.

I was a little disappointed when my measurements on the height was to tall, but relieved that it could be easily resolved. Once I fliped it over I was feeling confident as I pushed it up against the wall and checked to see if it was level.

Finding that the table was level, I felt a surge of pride because I built it without any help from anyone. I felt worthy of showing off what I had done. I was very eager to continue and added the shelves to the top.

It seemed that as the project went on, I accepted that I was able to do something so difficult. I had added to my self-esteem, feel satisfied and pleased with myself. Who knew I was able to accomplish something like this?

Since I still had some wood remaining, I attacked a floor to ceiling shelving unit on one side of the table. At this point I was elated with myself. I was in awe of what "I" had done, all by myself, without anyone's help! There was a termendous sense of peace, delight and wonder.

I thought I was clever in the construction because I recycled old material, and was turning something old and run down into something I felt was beautiful, that came from me!

I had taken the task on because I wanted to do something nice for FWH, something I had wanted to do for years. I would not have imagined the benefits I was reap.

Several times, a song on the radio would touch my soul, and I was so relaxed that my feet would just start moving. My excitement was overwhelming, it was lke talking to the boy that you were in love with in junior high, and when he walked off a shrill scream erupted from deep down within you.

Overall, I was very skeptical at the beginning but half way through I had proved to myself what I was capable of. I am in love with my workshop, and it has become a place that I want to be in. I can just sit in the quiet, looking around, amazed that "I" did all of this.

I will be very honored to show my family and friends the finished product, especially those that knew what it looked like before. It just showed my that if you are determined enough, you can overcome any challenge put before you.

This is who I am, I'm determined, confident, capable, and adequate. This is what I bring to the table...this is now what I have to offer my M. Before I worried, and had to ask FWH before I did something, second guessing myself.

I don't feel that way anymore, I'm sure of myself. I may make a mistake or bad choice along the way, just like the height of those legs, but with a little more work it can be easily solved.

I am more resolved now than I was before to make my M work!

Rin,

Yes when you are tired and emotionally spent it becomes very difficult to hold your emotions in check.

So what to do. LOL.

First count to ten before reacting or yelling.
Second walk away if you still feel like yelling.
Third if those don't work walk over and give them a big hug and an I love you. Then discuss the situation.

I have found it is harder to yell at my kids when I have done that. I am just affirming to myself how much I love them. They are no longer the object of my frustration or whatever. They are the kids that I adore. Even though they can frustrate the heck outta me.

I also can take my kids out of the "VICTIM" state of mind. OH OS is good at getting there quickly. Wonder where he learned that from? When I figure it out I will let you know. LIGHTBULB MOMENT. My FWW. LOL.

I am making a very concentrated effort not to yell at my kids. They actually don't like not being yelled at. Because now instead of yelling I take away priveledges.

HMMM different way of enforcing my boundries with them. It was kinda funny last night my FWW told them to turn off the Gamecube and get into bed. They didn't. She asked again they didn't. She raised her voice they didn't. She walks in mumbling they just don't listen to me. Can you go take care of it. I said sure. I walked in and said you have 2 minutes to have this game off and to get into your beds to watch some TV. If I come back and you are not you will get no TV tonight and no gamecube tomorrow. I have never seen two kids move so fast. Would that have worked for FWW? Nope because she wouldn't have followed through and they know it. They also know I would.

I don't have to yell anymore. The old way of trying to enforce my boundries didn't work. Because it didn't work I just got more upset. When walking into the situation predisposed to knowing I will have to get angry with them to show that I am serious, I go there sooner.

Now I walk in tell them what is what and they listen. New way. Better way for everyone involved.

OS had a project due on Weds. He got it on friday. Chose to start on Tuesday night. FWW is complaining about how much work they gave him. FWW had to go to the store. I asked YS when he got project. Friday he says. Why didn't you start on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or Monday. He was up late finishing. I told the FWW that he has no gaming this whole weekend. He chose not to work on his project last weekend so he could game now he loses it.

He actually said I understand why and I diserve it. No fighting from him. Why because he knows if he fights he will lose it for longer.

Well that was kinda long but it shows how even with the kids if you figure out a way to enforce boundries that effect them they will learn to respect those boundries.

[q]Rin, Rin, BoBin, FeeFiFoFin....RIN...

Just sharing what's in my head....good morning!

What if humans can't be sure of going in the right direction? What if we can only know our desire, know what we know, and give it our best shot?

And what if all the times we believe (in hindsight) we went in the wrong direction...but it was the right one to get us to the place where we learned more? Wouldn't the wrong be right?

I smell a perfectionist villager...do you?

Can you tell me the difference you see between "On Guard" and "Aware"?

LA [/q]

Sorry I completely missed you're post! Oh, I feel so bad...okay, I'm better! LOL

Understood loud and clear...It's the journey...not the path! Yes, that perfectionist...loves tormenting me! LOL

I think the different between being on guard and aware is that on guard you're taking a defensive position, and being aware, you're not!

HL- If I was as good at setting boundaries with H as I am with the kids, I would have no problems; however, I do have a tendency not to follow through some time. A situation will come up and either the kids or me can't follow through. OH...I got lightbulb moment...thank you...I just figure out the problem I'm having with tub time!

You are wonderful! Now, what would I do without you? LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I must have given myself permission to yell that day (those days)...I was extremely tired...because yesterday was good and like I said I've been trying to get a little sleep.

Oh, LA, we have 3 AL-Anon meeting on different days...I would only be able to attend one with my schedule. I'm checking into it, and trying to work up the courage. HL- Do you attend these or have attended these?

I read a little bit about them, but really am nervous! I mean really scared to walk into a place that I don't know anyone. I'm getting there...I'm working on it! Kind of like IC...scary!

Thanks you guys/gals! Oh, LA...I sing that song sometimes too! RMFAO...to the kids...just in my head...now that's strange!

Oh, what's a flagship post? And do I do that or does OP do that?

Rin,

I do not attend Al Anon meetings. I do not want to get bashed but they are really not my cup of tea. I tried a few times and it wasn't something I felt was going to help me personally. I do think it can help though.

I tried three different groups and came to my conclusion. Maybe it was just the meetings I attended, I don't know. I had a limited amount of nights I could go and the nights I could I didn't click.

It is really just a personal choice on my part.

With the kids it is easy once you find perspective. Like I said OS is kinda like the FWW. He doesn't do his homework, then he gets an attituded with me when I try to help him, then I get mad, then he gets upset and then he doesn't do his homework. LOL. The starting objective which was not to do the homework could eventually be achieved if I get mad. LOL. So now I don't get mad. I get up and walk away and tell him he is doing his homework.

Last night he asked for help. I helped him. He asked if I could stay and help more. With math I want the problems written out on scratch paper neatly so the teacher can see his work. He didn't want to do it like that in the past. He took out scratch paper did his work neatly and completed the assignment in record time. LOL. Not only that he appreciated the help.

In the back of his mind I knew he was thinking that if he gave me a hard time he would lose some priveledges. Because dad doesn't seem to handle it the way he used too. Now there is no arguing to get out of it, as a matter of fact dad walks away and takes my game cube away. I finally figured out how to be smarter then an 11 year old.

"Sorry I completely missed you're post! Oh, I feel so bad...okay, I'm better! LOL"

ROFLMAO!!!

About Al-Anon...was it any different when you first posted here? You knew no one...and you were seeking information, understanding and knowledge...and you're anonymous.

You could say...it's the place where no one knows anyone.

In person, you are still that way...and later you will learn and understand that every person who walks through that door is loved, before they speak a word or take an action.

I promise.

It's the place of "I already loved you"...no earning...existing required. Attendance (so you guys can all share presence) required. Once a week...shows self how brave and true you are...oh, she-who-creates...hold your fear and act anyway. It's how you got your workshop, isn't it?

Just like here...people sharing who they are, using "I" statements...and NO crosstalk...

And yes to the difference between being on guard and awareness...and to be defensive, there must be an assumption present...that you will be attacked...correct? With awareness...you are experiencing, not controlling...you are present and can hear your own thoughts, understand your assumptions and where they are coming from and divine truth.

Can't do that on guard, can we?

I sing that song around the office with coworker names...LOL.

And I went to Al-Anon.

ROFL...

As for the flagship post...my opinion that one post would be of great service tacked (however they do that...stickied?) to the top of the Plan A/B forum posts...and no, I have no idea how to do that...I'm guessing only moderators have the power.

You could bookmark it and add it to your sigline, though...with "Best Metaphor for Plan A, Click Here!"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Want to look at a list of emotions ?

LA

"Re: Ready to use the R word! [Re: Rinderella]
#3104664 - 09/21/06 09:30 AM "

I used a list of emotions...thank you very much, Mrs. Grandma LA! LOL

And Thanks for the info about AL-Anon! Both of you! Ph, HL, it's legos, I think we had that discussion and the PS2, well, that's dad's. It resides in the living room, so that's a reward thingie along with Ice cream right now!

As a matter of fact, they get to play PS2 today for doing a great job on cleaning their room together. YS usually doesn't help, but he just started!! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You know I used to hate PS2 and Game cube. Now they are my best friends. You lose them if you don't.....

Oh yes tell them they will lose it if the room isn't clean then boom done.

I could tell them they each get five bucks if the room is clean and it takes a while. NO games then it is done.

LOL. These kids now a days. I didn't have any of this stuff. My parents didn't let me see the light of day for a week if I messed up. LOL.

And god forbid if I tried to make their lives miserable because I was stuck inside. I would be scrubbing floors. You don't have anything better to do then bug me? Here is a broom and a toothbrush clean the floor. LOL.

OH< I hear you...anytime I got punished, it was child labor...cut the grass, do the dishes, pick up the rocks in the yard (Presents from my dogs), pick up the branches, weed the flower beds...I could go on!

I was grounded on my 14th b-day (for getting drunk at a friend's) and I had to work all day! LOL

LMAO...maybe that's why I don't look at stuff like that as work...I was make myself enjoy it so it wasn't a punishment!

LMAO