LMAO...this is typical stuff in our family! The kids don't get to visit with my family, just not in our nature...mine work, don't make time, don't have the funds, etc.

H's family have always taken the kids...doesn't bother either one of us...TRUTH...

LMAO...it was spur of the moment...within an hour we werre out the door to meet them...I woke H up and let him know what was going on...

The only thing H said was he wished I had someone to ride with me for the two hours...he kissed L bye and told him to be good...then talked to him this morning...

B/c they live so far away we don't deny them when they call...L just happens to be going to school during his stay...he would be up there anyway...instead of the IL's taking both kids at a time...they do one at a time...

Step FIL is in his 70s and can only handle one at a time! LOL he can only handle two for maybe a week...

No, I would have POJAed...this is just a long standing agreement with us all! LOL

Sorry, I didn't mean to scare anyone...this is a good thing! For all of us...

Nothing but LOVE on this!

Phew! Ok, thanks .... had me a little worried there! I was brought up with super-strict ideas about school, so it shocked the heck out of me that he'd be going somewhere else while he's in school .... that's what got me all worried. Totally my own hang-up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think it's outstanding that your in-laws take such an interest in the kids and make the time to build a good realationship with them even though they are far away. That's priceless!

We used to go to my grandparents farm for weeks and weeks in the summers ... some of my best memories as a kid! I'm sure your kiddo will have a great time, and it will be so good for him! He'll come home with all kinds of great stuff to tell you all about. Very fun!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I want to be 4 and going to my grandparents house for a few weeks again .....!!!!

-AmI.

I'll try not to lean too much. Things have been very rough on me the past couple days. I don't know why, either... I was doing so well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I did read that post. It helps, but I'm still just so lost in my own head. Anyway, I'll keep my mess to my own threade. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(((((Rin)))))

Me Too!LOL Let me get the magic dust.

Yes, I sure do love the IL's. I was very blessed to get them!

I tried to get L in the pre-K program down here but only 38 opening, 60 kids applied, and b/f we walked out we knew he was too smart, per the teacher and didn't have a chance.

Since attendance doesn't count in pre-K, L can go up there, benefit from it, visit with the grands and the rest of the fam, get spoiled by everyone, then come back!

I agree it's priceless! I have SOOO many great memories of visiting my grandparents. H and I wish we could move there, but the job market is not what it is down here.

And of course, H's family is all teachers and principles...comes from a long line of them...education is a huge value in our family...MY kids will be brainwashed into going to college! That's a family joke! Now, remember, my family's not like that, I was the first to go to college. MIL almost has her Ph.D., and FIl has his Master's if I'm not mistaken. H's aunt just retired as head of Parks and recreation for the U.S., moved from washington D.C. to her hometown!

You just don't deny an opportunity when it presents itself.

LOL, Mu kids have seen more of the country at their young ages then I have in all my years! We joke about that alot too! LOL

I am jealous.

My mom and dad are booked up through the end of October.

With baseball and soccer I am swamped. LOL.

I want to ditch my kids. LOL.

LMAO- HAHA, HL! I'm sorry that you're stuck with them! I guess you'll just have to deal with it!

Hi, everybody! I called and talked to L tonight! He rode the bus, my baby rode the BUS! MIL took pics, she said that she would be emailing them to me. She said that he looked so CUTE with his backpack. L's 4 but in 3T clothes!

I asked him how his first day of school was and he said "great, he got to go outside!" To cute, like he doesn't get to go outside when he's here!

I was joking with MIL and telling her I see him staying about three weeks, ahe agreed! Watch him surprise us! She did say that three weeks would probably be enoough time for him to be singing his ABC's. Of course, L had to talk to his bubba, and then wanted to talk to his dad, but we told him he would have to call his dad b/c he was as work.

We got off the phone with L and F and I went get H something to eat. Then bought it to him, F's in my bed, just happy to be sleeping with mom. So, please pray that I make it through the night and don't get a black eye or something! LOL

LA- I HAVE to thank you again for showing me the light earlier today. LOL, I'm not kicking myself I'm just very grateful for having someone like you in my life! What a blessing you are!

Oh I am not stuck. I am lucky to have them.

Last night I played Kickball, Football and cards with them. I didn't win one darn game at cards. They both won twice. LOL. Little card sharks.

Be careful with the kid sleeping with you. It is not an easy habit to break.

I don't let them anywhere near my room. LOL.

When YS was young the fWW decided to start laying down with him at night. I objected. 3 months later he will not go to sleep without one of us laying down with him. Six months later every time he woke up at night he came in and got us. So at 8-8:30 every night one of us was in there sometimes until almost 9:30-10pm. Ouch. Then my FWW had an A because I didn't spend any time with her at night. Every time I wanted to break the habit and let him cry she said no and went in and laid down. LOL.

I would say that if you let it happen when FWH stops working nights you may have a problem on your hands.

Not only that but then there may be some resentment toward your H when he comes home because he is displasing you child in his bed. LOL.

Be careful.

Oh, NO! Not in my house, the kids have ALWAYS slept in their own beds, unless they were sick or it was a special thing like now. Mama likes her time with Papa, meaning NO KIDS ALLOWED!

And Sick, means they sleep on the sofa! Special occasion...dad being gone usually...in my bed...

I like to lay down the rules b/f we do something!

I had heard to many horrible stories about the kids sleeping with parents. I trained my two either 2nd or 3rd month to slept in their own bed ay night. I remember alot of nights after they were born the urge to sleep with them just to have them close, to feel PG again, I guess, that I had to resist.

Now, I would stand beside the bed when they were infants and pat and rub their backs until they were asleep, then it was until they were almost asleep.

LOL, I was the one that would rock them during feeding! That was my down fall, but I loved being so close to them, smelling that soft clean baby smell, playing with their hair. I spoiled with with the rocker! LOL

Oh, I miss those days!

I promise to be careful! Yes, Sir! LMAO

Good for you.

Those rules are important.

I do the same thing. Call them pre-emptive strikes. Yes you can stay up until 10pm tonight(friday) however this is a one time thing. Do not start bugging me to stay up everynight until that time or it will be the last time.

Works great.

Now, that's what I'm talking about. Like sometimes when H is away we'll do movie night in the living room...only time they are allowed to eat in there (on a blanket).

We'll do candy, popcorn...really junk it out but it WILL NOT be even a once a week thing.

Only problem I'm having now, is the little one sneaks eating food in their room and I find the paper or cereal on the floor. Drives me crazy! he's a hard- headed one! Sneaky little devil! LMAO

OMG.

For a while my YS was shoving his wrappers under the cushions of the couch. Sneaking stuff and hiding the evidence. One time I found so many wrappers in there.

LMAO as well.

And it's not just candy...it's anything...he's the picky eater...so before he can have something he wants, he has to eat something that's good for him!

I get sooo mad when I find wrappers and food in the room. Last night, I found pop tart wrapper and frosted flakes! LOL

Consequence of sleeping in mom's bed, I went in their room and clean up. They didn't lose ALL of the legos, because I wasn't picking them up, but they did lose the container full! And NOW, there are two piles of stuff, which I swept to the middle of the room that has to be cleaned! Food, wrapped, legos, cars, everything!

LMAO

Okay, I'm confused! Who took the H I once knew?

I asked two days ago if he would be so kind to get the freezer that his grandma gave us years ago outside so that it would defrost. Last night, I moved everything out of it, and today...OMG, it was outside...

Who does Red Fox call out to in heaven when he thinks he having a heart attack? oh, Elizabeth, I'm coming to see you! LMAO

No, waiting until Christmas for it to get done...no asking again...DONE, first time! When I walked into the house and saw it was outside, I came bouncing into the house, planted a big kiss on him and said thank you!

He asked for what. I said for getting the freezer outside. he had the ON, not HN or GN, help him. I was so excited!

So, I decided since OS is at religion, it was perfect time to move so things out of the way and mop everything! I got the water hose and cleaner the freezer really good and I'll wait for it to come back in the house!

What the heck did I do? LOL

Wait, I don't even want to know, I'll just keep doing what I've been doing!

This morning, since OS was sleeping in our bed, H made me coffee, and I pulled him into the spare room. Then, he napped while I showered. I got out and instead of doing the whole makeup thing I cooked him and OS breakfast. While they ate I got dressed, it wasn't one of those days to look nice at work. LOL

I had alot of physical stuff to do.

I guess when I'm looking for the things he's doing instead of not doing it makes a world of differnt. Huh, go figure! LOL

I'm really excited and overjoyed! Well, I have to go get F and come back and finish a little cleaning.

Seems like I'm an Acts of Service kinda gal! LOL

LA- I have a few questions...

Let me mention first, that I was going to go to an Al-Anon meeting tonight but come to find out today it's not for friends and family...that's Tues. and Thurs.

I was reading something on the net and the question popped up "did you grown up with a problem drinker?" Well, I clicked on that and the new question is " Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?" So, my questionof course is:

What do you see specifically that Al-Anon can help me with? I'm trying to read up on it because I am go fearful. I was actually relieved that it wasn't tonight!

To be honest I don't think it would make a difference what night it is, I'm still nervous!

Morning, Rin!

I read where you were going to go...and am not surprised you didn't. I had the sensation of running towards a hurtle, having not jumped before, and turning away, going back to run at it again...until you jump it, you don't find out what it feels like.

I get that. You're human, Rin...now who woulda thought?

Al-Anon...premise is that alcohol affects everyone touched by it...your great grandparents may have had the addiction...your grandparents didn't, nor your parents...yet the behaviors, the dance, is handed down, isn't it? Even though we attempt to rear our children the opposite way we were (in many ways), doesn't that have an affect? The urge to BE opposite?

So, if you look like it as an addiction...no matter the substance...the echoes continue...very simliar...and Al-Anon is about those echoes...

Do you fear being judged by Al-Anon attendees? Like they know what you don't? Do you fear being judged defective, wrong or damaged? Would that be reasonable given those humans are attending...felt terrified, kept running at the hurtle until they went over it...and through the door to a meeting? Would it help to know that it is key to the process entirely?

First act of self-care...getting ourselves to a meeting. Essential, terrifying...and in retrospect...laughable, afterwards...because that hurtle, looking four feet high and risky, wasn't but a few inches...only get to see that after you go...and you don't have to choose that one group...they advise you attend several different ones with a week or so, to find the group you feel most connected with...and then you will have jumped the same hurtle five or six times, huh?

I found the more I stopped judging, the less I felt judged.

The more I looked inside my questing, lovable self, the less I feared an unknown group, choosing to believe they were the same way.

And they were.

You might want to look at Al-Anon meetings as O&H time...no cross talk, you sharing yours, each of them sharing their own...that's it.

Reading the 12 steps, choosing to believe in them, then acting on that belief...find out what you fear, it's true size, hold it, and go anyway.

Rin...do you think I saw something in you that said, "Oh, she needs Al-Anon!"? Something different? I think I've recommended it to every BS at one time or another. From my experience, learning what we control and what we cannot changes lives. One at a time.

There's no timeshare, no signing bonus...no profiting except internally from me saying, "Hey, this is an awesome self-care resource!" I just know that not doing something because of our fear teaches us we are controlled by our fear, and therefore, can be controlled through fear.

Yucky way to live...very much a fantasy, I think. Not in God's design...pure human choice.

LA

Rinderella, I know LA will have an answer that's more specific to you, but in more in general, Alanon helps us with all the distorted thinking we get trying to live a normal life when there is an alcoholic in the house. We get angry and feel helpless, when the reality is there are ways that we can protect ourselves. The family disease of alcoholism teaches us that we don't take care of ourselves, only others, where Alanon teaches us to care for ourselves, and how to help others in healthy ways instead of damaging ones. In ways that empower our loved ones instead of ways that make them feel helpless.

It teaches us to be honest about our shortcomings, to work with them and on them instead of beating ourselves up about them. You're going to really fly, you already have learned a lot about self-sufficiency.

We learn how there is a Higher Power who can restore us to Sanity. We learn to trust this, to give up our need to control or judge others' thoughts and actions.

I encourage you to go and try. Nothing will change in a way that you don't make happen. I was afraid to go because I thought I was afraid of what I'd learn, like with the Villager's thread. The reality is that we all take steps that we are ready to take, and only those steps. You control the pace and direction, it just seves as support, like here on the boards.

Thank you both for your replies. I'm not going tonight because the meeting is AA Easy does it club. A co-worker bought in yesterday's paper and I looking at the community calendar and the friends and family meeting are on Tues and Thurs in a completely different location and time.

So, I do plan to go but I'm nervous about doing this on my own. I was just on about.com and was reading about the content of the program...this is one of the things I wanted to know...just seems like a reinforcer of what I have been learning here...which I think is wonderful and really makes me feel better.

Also, my SF was an alcoholic. I knew I was in trouble when I came home from school and saw four or five beer cans on the coffee table. I was hit occassional but the abuse was more mental and sexual. So, I do see alot of benefits after reading some of the material. I also feel that I learned the PA behavior from him.

I do feel that this will be a wonderful thing for me, so some of my nervousness is decreasing. I'm feeling a little more confident about walking into the unknown. It is the fear of the unknown...that's where my anxiety is rooted.

LA-No, I haven't thought that you saw something in me that would have offered the suggestion. I believe that's just you being you...wanting to add to my resources to be all I can be.

Sometimes, I avoid places or doing things becaause I haven't done them before and I don't know what to expect. Fear of the unknown!

H and I talked about it. I said that there was a meeting Wed. night and I would like to go...LOL...he asked for what, I'm not an alcoholic...I said no, but my SF was...

So, we POJA on what to do with F, and agreed that he's responsible enough and old enough to be a latch key kid for an hour or so. I've also talked to F about it and he's fine with it. He already has a plan of what he's going to do while I'm gone.

H and I have left him alone before for an hour or so, but we wouldn't do it when L was around. we just think that's unfair to F, and a higher responsiblity then he's capable of right now.

So, everything's a go! I just need to get there!

This is where I was reading that made me feel more comfortable with going.
Al-Anon Beginners Meeting

I'm still nervous about walking into a place I haven't gone and meeting new people. Fear of being judged...yeah, I guess...when asked why are you here...well, my H cheated on me and a friend recommended me coming here, also my SF was an alcoholic.

Makes me want to laugh to be honest...just sounds funny!
Thank you EO! You are wonderful! I appreciate you saying so!



I think it's some of this too! But I'm really starting to like who I am becoming...I REALLY AM! So, it's really walking through that door! I have the opportunity and I don't like running from opportunities.

So, I WILL be there and it's close to home! Another positive!

So, let me know what you think of the site I'm reading on.

Thanks sooooo much again!

"I'm still nervous about walking into a place I haven't gone and meeting new people. Fear of being judged...yeah, I guess...when asked why are you here...well, my H cheated on me and a friend recommended me coming here, also my SF was an alcoholic."

The rooms of Alanon were the first place (this was before I met LA) that I felt totally unjudged. And I made a bunch of friends who I can trust not to judge me. It's encouraged me to step out and talk to my old friends about my weak points, and come to find they aren't judging, either!

They don't ask why you're here outside of the beginner's meeting, and even then, you don't need to answer with something you feel shame about. The shame will subside faster than you think, because like LA says, we're all human, not defined by our actions.

My H is starting to go out with my Alanon friends. Nothing I've said is discussed or held against him, he is just as whole and complete and wonderful and lovable as anyone else. There will be other people there who have cheated and been cheated on, too. There is a distinction made between the person and the illness. Just like there is a distinction between the WS and the person the BS married. The person is still in there.

Hey, Rin

I don't know anything about alanon, so I can't comment.

But I did want to drop in to tell you ... It's so nice to have you in my corner. Thank you so much!! And thanks for the compliments about the kids.

My kids are quite a bit older, and it's a little easier to relate to them at this age. I still remember all the destruction and chaos from when they were smaller. There was a time -- almost two months -- when DD wasn't allowed anywhere near the kitchen ... but now she and I have treat nights, where we make sweets "for the boys" (DS and WH).

We had to repaint the ceiling in our old house when we moved out because of exploding soda stains, spaghetti sauce, red and green glitter hair color spray (used to kill a spider), nail polish, WD-40 ... and who knows what else. The carpets and the walls I can't even comment on.

Those are the things I look back on now and laugh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You will, too, if you aren't already laughing through it right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-AmI.

EO- Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I really to appreciate your support on the issue. I feel much better about it, more confident.

I'm not sure if you know but this started out because I want to find a group to join to make friends of my own, and just having something to do outside of H and the kids.

H said to me once when he was fog induced (only a few months ago) that I wouldn't have any friends had it not been for him. Now, I know that's not the truth, we just hang out with his friends. It hurt when he said it and I know better now, but this is about me branching out and it's VERY important to me.

See I don't really have a problem with it being H, the kids, and me. I was raised as an only child and with the abuse we didn't have alot of people around us. So, I learned to entertain myself and when I have had "friends," I find they will stab you in the back, like HN.

Maybe this will help me with my trust issues and be able to open up.

AmI- OMG, killing spiders! LMAO

I can laugh about some of the stuff now! I am liking my time with F, being 8, I can really talk to him. before the gas price started coming down, F said to me one day "The president is working on lowing the gas price." I said ok and blew if off. Well, the other day, F says "Didn't I tell you that the President was trying to lower the gas price?"

I laughed and of course had to agree with him. Then I had to tell him Daddy, which reminded us of when he was 4 and told my dad and SM that the guy on TV (they were watching the news) was Saddam and he was a bad man. Of course, they were in shock and I had to explain to them that F and I talk about anything. He asks, I explain to the best of my ability.

Needless to say, I'm really enjoying the quiet time with him. Now, L wasn't to happy after I talked to him Monday night come to find out. He told his grandma that it was time for him to return home, that he didn't want to go to school anymore, but he did want to wear his new clothes. LOL

I got that in an email this morning along with pics of him getting on the bus for the first time and a really mean face, in his new clothes! Too cute! I'm assuming that he's fine because I haven't gotten a call. The three of us enjoyed the pics first thing this morning!

Oh, F is extremely enjoying "being the man of the house!" LMAO And taking care of mom per dad's request! So, we are all doing well!

This morning I kissed H and said thank you! As usual he asked for what, and I said just for being you and left for work! I really GET what my part was now! Lesson: There's no day better than today!