I Looked ALL over the bakery...NO Onion RollS! I honestly didn't know they made so many types of breads, hawaii bread, wheat bread, and several other I couldn't even say!

I do accept packages in the mail! My address can be made available! LMAO

Now, I did come home with angel food cake, and blueberry bagels! LMao

HEY BS, where's the recipe?

You live in a screwed up part of the world if you can't get onion rolls. What the heck is that about. I would move.

I do not bake. I cook. Chicken Cordon Blue is one of my signature dishes along with some wonderful pasta dishes. I am also a master BBQer.

The dishes I cook are not for the faint of heart or cooking skills. LOL.

I do have a very easy dish. A whole chicken, snow peas, potatoes and onions. Use one of the baking bags. Chop potatoes and onions and throw it all in the bag. Two cloves of garlic. One minced one whole. The whole one and a quarter of the onion go inside the chicken. The rest go in the bag. 1/4 cup of butter. 1/4 cup of white wine. and a little water. Use some basil if you like and if you do put some inside the chicken as well. Then bake at 350 until chicken is done. Depending on size of chicken depends on cooking time.

Almost forgot Salt and pepper the chicken. I like using Garlic salt on it as well.

Open bag and serve. Easy to do and it also is easy to clean cause it is all in one pan and in a bag.

Oh take garlic basil and onion out of the chicken. By putting it inside the cavity it gives it flavor throughout.

UM UM UM. And again very easy.

I used that dish every time I brought a girl home to cook for her. I could use the cooking time to get pretty for her. LOL.

YOU NUT! Thanks for the recipe! I'll have to try it!

Hey, I had to ask DH this morning if he knew what an Onion roll was...Nope, never heard of it...that's okay I'm going to do an internet search and see what I find.

We had a good morning together. We ran some errands and F and I had the utility trailer hooked up to the truck to return it. Wehad to borrow a friend's b/c another friend has our's. So, after running the errands, we dropped it off and came home.

F and I were right back out the door though. I was invited to a jewerly party. I NEVER attended stuff like this when invited just didn't have the courage to go and should wouldn't have spent money on myself. I DID, primarily b/c my b-day's coming up and DH's grandma always said there are two times of the year that you do for yourself: your b-day and Christmas.

Well, I didn't do that very often, actually rarely, but today, I purchased two pieces, and have two pieces on order. LOL...I spent enough on me for my b-day as far as I'm concerned. LOL

Also, I have been invited to a b-day party tonight for a friend of mine's daughter. Again, typically I wouldn't go but F and I will be attenting tonight.

I was fearful about going to the party earlier, and about the one tonight, but a gal's got to start somewhere! I'm growing my wings and setting sail into the horizon!

I'm just not expecting anything and just trying to go with the flow. I can tell you why too...b/c I feel stronger!

HL- Like you said the other day, seems like I'm liking myself. I am! i feel comfortable in my own skin...LOL...even with the few extra pounds...which by the way, I picked up some snacks at the store yesterday that are more friendly to the scale verses what I've been letting myself eat.

Given my past record, I should have the weight off in a month to six weeks. This weekend I'm trying to watch what I eat but typically my weekend is my reward no eat some things I don't during the week, say a big breakfast or a piece of candy. So, five day of six small meals, two days because I'm not on a schedule of be conservative but not as strict.

DH said one time he's amazed at how quickly I can lose weight...says he never worries about me keeping it on. Probably because I don't sit down! LOL

Oh, let me tell you what else happened this morning...when DH got in, we talked for a little while and he said he wanted to take a nap. He wanted to get up around 8:30 and do what we needed to do. Well, he asked for SF...I said oh, I'm not in the mood this morning!

He said oh, well! When I cralwed into bed next to him, I made a point of letting him know that I just would need help getting in the mood and I was just turning him down. He said oh, I was wondering. I told him that I had been in the mood alot here lately and that I've needed no help but today was different.

So, I fell asleep and next thing I know DH is rubbing my back and helping out. I thought that was way cool!

So, I'm living for the moment, opening my mouth, speaking my truth, and reaping the rewards. Just for today, just in the present.

The past two days have been amazing for me! Thanks to all of YOU, without YOU ALL, I sure would NOT be where I AM today!

Rin ... I'm mising something here .... your title says NC broken and a new OW?????

But I don't see a post ??????

What's going on?????

I'm here!!!!


-AmI.

Hello, I hope that everyone is doing well.

Today, WH gets a TM from new OW saying "Hello". I heard it and went into the other room to get his phone with intentions of reading the TM. There were 4, harmless content...no doubt...The number was shown with no name...

I called the number from the house phone...OW answers and I ask who it was...she identified herself, then I identified myself as WH's W. She hung up! I woke up WH and asked who she is...WH identified her as ___ that works at the store.

I said Great, I have another one to content with. WH said no, it wasn't what it seemed. I said 4 TMs and I call the number and after identifying myself...she hangs up...What am I suppose to think?

I walked out the room saying great, here we go again. I gathered my things, went to "the store", and asked the cashier when OW worked. She said no today, I said please pass on a message for me...Do you know WH? Well, I'm his wife, please tell OW to stop TMing my H. After payig for my purchase, I calmly walked out.

I came home and WH got up. I was furious when I got home. I was going to post then, but decided not too. Instead, I went to clean my bike and polish it. Deciding that something to do was better in the long run.

WH comes outside to clean his bike. I started a conversation by asking How is this not what it seems? Didn't your other A start the same way?

Of course, he tried turning it around and talking about me checking the cell phone. WHY, etc? I said your are trying to turn this around on me. I had to direct the conversation back to his choices several times. I told him that if he wanted to continue to destroy his M and family that was his choice. I tried several times when I noticed that I was refuting to stop and listen and repeat.

WH feels that I am jealous and he is doing nothing wrong in regards to talking to this W. He threated and I made sure that I heard this correctly to give up his cell phone to me. He also threaten that if I continued to accuse him of doing things that he was going to do it again.

There were some other things said, I don't remember all but later, after about ten minutes. I walked over to him and said you know if I didn't believe in you and our M, I would not waste my energy and walked into the house.

After WH left, I pulled up the cell phone record...NC was broken two days ago...OW called him and they talked for 20 minutes. I called WH and asked if there was anything else he had to tell me. He said NO, and like what? I said you tell me. No answer, So I said you didn't want to tell me that NC was broken. He said what did you do after I left you pulled up the cell phone record? I said yes, he said she called me.

I repeated "NC MEANS NC." I asked what they talked about WH said she called to see how we were doing? I said NC MEANS NC. I said this is how your A begin in the first place...you started talking to her about us...

He said that was all she wanted to know...I said for 20 minutes...WH said no, that they talked about her son and football...I said NC MEANS NC. NC has been broken, and as far as I'm concerned the A is continuing. WH asked How did I figure that? I said she is still meeting your emotional needs...it's still a EA...the PA may have stopped but the EA continues. WH said "you've got to be joking me!"

Of course, I'm the one with the problem b/c I'm jealous and he's a grown man, and his parents didn't even treat him this way. I said I wasn't his parents, this was a M, and he was hurting me by continueing to make bad choices.

I said that we will never start to recover if he continues to have C with OW and new W. I was told that he will do whatever he wants to do. (I was listening and repeating, some refuting but I stopped myself.)

Some friends of his came along and he started talking to them, I got his attention and said that until he realized that his bad decisions were affecting our M, that we would not recover. he said that he would have to call me back.

He had hung up on me twice. I called him back the first time, and he called me back the second. Oh, shot, I forgot what I wanted to say.

It was important too. OH, I told him that he had decided to do NC his way, which still did not settle my insecurities. We were talking about new OW at this point. I'm hoping that she'll back off from me being so direct today. We'll see!

Oh, I'm always looking for things to be unhappy about...last week it was porn...this week it's checking the cell record and finding that he's talked to OW. I don't know, I do know I was calm enough to realize I was refuting, stop and listen and repeat.

Okay, I need a plan...here we are last C was 8/17, then two days ago...9/28... I did a wonderful job of reapeating and inforcing my boundaries...I probably asked to many question...so, he may have felt attacked...I said several times that "had I not thought he or the M was worth it, I would not waste my energy." We know that WH "does not get it."

He said that he's been doing great...staying home...not going anywhere...and this is what he gets.

I repeated "So, I hear you saying that this is all mu fault and it has nothing to do with your bad choices." I think I got a yes, but not really, you know!

I don't know, I'm sure he will call later, maybe not...I'm going to a friend's b-day party and will be back later.
Oh, in the mist of the conversation at home...we worked on his biker vest...gluing some new patchs, and me sewing them on...just to let you know the frame of mind I was/am in.

I was typing! Sorry!

(((((((((((((RIN)))))))))))))

I don't know what to say .... do you think that it's time for a pro? I know you guys quit going to MC a while ago .... but could you start back up? Or call Steve?

I think your H wants to do the right thing, just really doesn't know what it is. I think he's on the verge of recovery, but doesn't know how to get there, and anything YOU tell him is not going to sink in as well as a professional saying it. Or would he read SAA? Or HN/HN?

You've been doing the "no R talk" thing for a while .... maybe it's time for some serious R talk, and a specific plan, agreements between both of you about what is or isn't ok .... ?

I don't know, I'm just tossing out the ideas here .... but it almost seems like you're setting expectations for your H without him really understanding or buying in to why they are important. It seems like a pro could help with that.

I'm thinking of you!!! Sending you lots of hugs.

-AmI.

Oh, also .... try to breathe and think, first, and stop calling him until you are collected and have a plan. Caling him just to fight and confront him with the next thing isn't going to get you anywhere.

So .... do the hardest thing of all right now ... NOTHING. Think and breathe and yell at the wall if you have to .... but don't keep calling him. K?

(((((more hugs)))))

-AmI.

Checking in on you, girl.

How are you doing?

I'm thinking about you!!!!


-AmI.

Hi, AmI...not yet and we never made it to MC...H canceled before going to the first session...of course, he was still having C with OW.

SH unfortunately, is not an option right now, with finances...

I think we've almost there too...He's stubborn and digs his heels in too...not to mention his PA behavior. I'm not ready for a Plan B yet...I see hope...

I think you're right about the plan..."I" need a plan...

Well, I went to the party...had a good time...this friend is like an adoptive mother to me...she said before I left the next Sat. I have with no kids, plan it for her and I. I told her she had a deal.

LOL...She also sent me home with four beers, so, I'm enjoying one.I'm not feeling stressed at all...MOF, very level headed. I've said want I wanted to say. WH said he would call me back...when and if he calls I'll listen and repeat. Stand firm to my boundaries, but listen and repeat. If I have to I will reverse babble him.

I have no intentions on wasting energy fighting...this is about him and not me! I can't change him but I can let him know I will NOT be a doormat.

Oh, my friend tonight was overjoyed when she found out I was going to al-anon! She going to get me the blue book for my b-day present. I'm so excited! SHe did al-anon before she left her crack-head H. She said it's probably the best thing I can do right now, I agreed!

I told her about me moving forward and that no matter what happens with H and I it will be for the best. She hugged me sooo tight, and kept her arm around me. I felt proud b/c of her response to me.

Another thing, reading this PA book is helping...at first I was having alot of emotions popping up, but now, I'm reading and even though I'm relating and seeing the dynamics b/t WH and I it's not bad. It's actually pretty easy going.

I'm not going to make any moves right now...I do plan to stand still...do nothing more than what has been done today. I need time to sit back and see what's going on. I could very easily plan B with him in the house, being that he's working for 6-6am. I COULD stop getting off early that one day a week, I COULD make sure that I get home after he leaves in the afternoons, and I COULD not be here on the weekends.

I COULD stop bring him lunch, the only problem I see is the mornings. However, for the time being, I'm choosing to love...

I feel very strong right now, and that's because I have been doing SO much for me and I will continue.

Unlike the comments that WH said, I know they are not true...I thought I detected some fog the other day, but I was stirred from it. That's okay, whether it was the day it happened or today makes no different.

I will continue my education, protect myself, and the kids, and do whatever I have to in order to protect my love for him. I don't have to tell him he's in deep [censored], he knows it, and he sees the changes I've made. He also tried to scare me with the "I'm going to cheat on you if you don't stop pushing me and checking on me." That's his fear, not mine...he knows I've been to a laywer and I'm capable of going back should I need to in the future.

For the time being, day is almost over and tomorrow is a new one!

Oh, LA, after I came inside from talking with WH today...I read "Just for Today" and the prayer that goes with it, like three times. Just as a reminder...it helped.

I feel focused and centered. I feel strong. I am. I saw tonight that I am loved and I am loving! I can do this and will.

So, my beer and I will be back later. I'm going run a bath and turning on the jacuzzi! Then, sometime tonight I am going to finish sewing WH's patchs on his vest...then he can kiss my...oops! LOL

((((AmI)))) Thanks for being YOU and being so concerned...it means the world to me.

You know I really don't feel like sleeping in our bed. I feel like sleeping in the spare room...I feel like I must prove a point, and get I know I can't do that...I would be withdrawing...

Moving forward is not withdrawing...I'm going to vent...

This is what I would have wanted to happen...C made DH tells me...I once again ask for NC letter!

WH chose not to tell me! WH chose to start talking to another W.

I just erased what I wrote...I was starting to DJ and didn't even want to go there.

I would be EXTREMELY excited if WH read SAA.

I'm done...I'm choice not to rant and I guess it wasn't much of a vent without the DJs!

{{{{{{RIN}}}}}}

Hugs coming your way.

your have a beautiful soul. i was so worried about you when I read what happened. But you are strong and awesome. keep being the best you that you can be.

Peace be with you

Thanks MF! I greatly appreciate the compliments! I'm not sure that I'm doing the right thing or not, but I have come to understand that it's not about me. IT is about HIM, and there's nothing I can do about that.

Sure I'm scared, I'm scared that I WILL have to take further actions, but the different now is I will work through that fear.

I haven't heard from WH, but you know the alien did a cop out when he said that he would call me back. I'm sure not expecting it. I can only pray for guidance for him and for me.

I skipped on on the jaccuzi, and showered instead. All the while thinking about ways I can become more active as a person. You know something that F and I can do tomorrow. I have some woodworking stuff here that I need to finish but I need a kick in the butt to get started again.

MF, I was a long way from being strong and brave a month ago. I think I've made alot of positive moves for me, and that's the more important part. I feel good about me now...I'm not scared if WH leaves me now. I will survive...I will love again...and I will not allow someone to treat me disrespectfully.

Right now, I have to break that cycle, make a stand for myself, know who I am, not who WH is. I realize my problem areas...listen and repeat not refute...communication of MY feelings, using feelings words...and still knowing my part.

I am very grateful for your concern and should YOU think of anything that would help...I WOULD love to hear it...best wishes in your sitch...I'll try to read up on it!

Rin,

This is why we predetermine our boundary enforcements. When the boundary is crossed, it is very difficult to think clearly--the rollercoaster begins and we're off.

What was your predetermined enforcement if NC was breached?

This is about you, not him.

Plan B is not "done"...it is a plan to save your marriage. It is step two...not Plan D. May include that, but doesn't necessitate it. You know this.

My heart is with you...I need to pull it back over here...to think clearly. You were aware of your choices, to listen and repeat...not reactive all over the place...you went out to wipe down the bike instead of launch...you are seeing your excellence in your choices.

You KNOW you are changed...because you change your choices.

You got sucked over to focus on him...when it isn't about him...it's you and your choices, isn't it?

Write up a separation plan...selling and splitting property, write down estimated lawyers fees, kids schedules, etc. Do all of it on paper...and give it to him. This doesn't mean you're doing this right now, it means you are looking at what NC really means. Your belief is valid...NC continues the A. Don't reiterate. This is about his choice to ANSWER the phone...give out the number...not change his number...all his choices, not yours.

In hindsight...don't ask what they talked about...doesn't matter, does it? At all? Answering the call was what matter...everything after that obscures that choice. Rationalizations enter and mess up that choice. The choice was what mattered.

Make your choices right now about what you allow in your marriage...not because you hurt, but because what he did damaged the marriage.

Stay calm, speak less...keep to O&H drive bys...only listen and repeat...and jam that hopper onto your head. This isn't you reacting emotionally...you choosing to act to your own standards, what you promised yourself...predetermined. Remember what you promised inside yourself...listen to those...know that this is part of saving your marriage...

Honoring your marriage, from his allowing a third party back into it. Defending the boundary of your marriage...not with rancor or retaliation...predetermined progressive boundary enforcements.

You know you are loved and loving...this is part of love...loving well does not mean giving in, buying into what is damaging; it is healthy. Love must be tough...love must be true. Know your intent and purify it. Let go his stuff...it is all his.

And choose to know he loves you...he does. Doesn't change boundary enforcements, does it? Don't equate one with the other. Honor his choice...it was his. Yours is yours.

You're not alone. You don't have to perform or be perfect...your perfectionist is going to try to kidnap and control your body, soul and mind...tell her it's okay. Hug her...keep her child sized, 'k?

(((((Rin))))) As is, marvelously made...you are!

LA

All means of contact have to be blocked.

Right away..in order to avoid contact..CHANGE THE CELL PHONE NUMBER...

I must have missed why this did not happen right away when you began Recovery...

Remember, it's an ADDICTION...

I surely can't have M&Ms on the kitchen counter when I go on a diet...

Thank you LA! I'm very solemn right now. I will work on it tomorrow. I will use the information that I got from my laywer's office.

"This doesn't mean you're doing this right now, it means you are looking at what NC really means."

Do you mean the lack of NC?

And what in the world am I suppose to say when I give it to him...something like...If you continue to have C with OW and create new other women, I will be forced to protect my love and our children by separating until you decide to commit to recovering this M 100%.

Of course, I have fear but I will deal with that...I guess we can work on what to say after I get the paperwork together. I've proven that I can fear and still survive.

...I don't know what the estimated laywer's fees would be...I think, but am not sure that no contest (?) is like $400. I have to be wrong on that! Anybody got any ideas on those fees...a ballpark...

...it's late and I need to try to sleep.

Hi, mimi...I asked him to do it...and I had to ask...our account is in his name...he's the only one that can do it...I will request it again!

I'm concerned that you have not done some of the basics of Recovery..thereby, not really giving Recovery a chance.

I'm an authorized user on my H's account..in fact, all accounts that require this..

I can look at the cellphone bill and make changes...

So, on the first day of our Recovery, my H, too, did not want to change the number..still probably wanting to leave access open to her..

I became authorized to change the number and that is exactly what I did...

Of course, he can still contact her...

But the act of you standing up about this is KEY...

The FWH remains FOGGY and vulnerable for a long time...

My H was only ALMOST normal after 6 months...

So I'm unclear about why you are talking D...

RECOVERY IS HARD AS HECK..For me, it was the HARDEST PART...

Sleep, Rin...nourish yourself...up your self-care greatly...stay pondering, nonreactive...like Mimi says...she remembers...

Don't request it again. State what you know. "I know you can choose to honor the marriage in many ways...like changing your cell number and not giving it out to women."

Same thing for the OW call..."Is there something you have to tell me?" is a game. Don't play games. State what you know. "I know you broke NC. I know you chose to talk with your adultery partner, which puts her ahead of our marriage."

State...don't ask.

Tomorrow...spend time remembering what you promised yourself after last NC was broken. Then tell us what you promised.

Sleep well...give it into God's hands, pray for clarity, stay focused...for you, solemn is a huge thing...you are a burst of energy...know that you are still that energy...and stop with the patches!! I'm triggering to the last NC break and there was patches!!! We don't need no stinkin' patches! (From the movie...Humphrey Bogart one...Sierra Madre?)

Smile to yourself, Rin. You're worth it.

LA

I'm ashamed to say that I didn't have a consquence to crossing my boundary and I'm ashamed to say that I just started enforcing my boundary of the way he talks to me.

I have nothing, and need something quick.

I didn't ask for the number change this time it was last NC broken. I also do not have a NC letter.

I was so focused on him being O&H for telling me he requested no contact ...I didn't do anything futher.

This is what I want:
1)NC letter
2) cell phone number changed
3)Total transparency

oh, I screwed up...where do I go from here?

I have a boundary set with no consequence and don't even know what the consequences should be...

Mimi- I was mention D b/c there is no LSA here. I don't know what my choices are...That's why I mentioned it...


I don't know what to do right now...this time I'm going to bed and clearing my head....it will be really hard to face WH tomorrow...I don't want to talk to him, be around him...I want to be.

Hey, I'll stay up and hold vigil over your worries tonight, Rin...go sleep and dream, 'k? Refresh your body and soul.

I don't believe you screwed up at all...I KNOW you made promises to yourself...not boundary enforcements.

Getting some good sleep and you'll remember them tomorrow. There's time. No limit...not quick needed. And what you listed as what you want was what you wanted the first time, ending the affair, and the following NC break...and this one.

Don't focus on what you want...sleep and know what you promised yourself you would choose if he broke NC.

LA