FF (and others that have been both BS and WS)--

Mine goes a little more like this:

BS- BS - WS - BS...and hopefully that is the end of that vicious cycle!! I would love for us to become RWSs....

So are you and your husband (and or spouses to others that may answer this...)still together?? And are you both now FWSs?? If so, what advise can you give to assure the 'Recovered' part of that equation??

Kiwi,

I wasn't honestly trying to take a pot shot at FF. It was just a statement about, although we can feel a certain way, what matters most is what our spouse feels. That is where the we part becomes me. I'm sorry I posted in a rush, and didn't fully expand upon that... but I think FF got the point I was making.

For instance, my wife could come on here and say those things, but if I didn't feel that she was that far along, our relationship wouldn't be that far either. I hope that makes sense.

-ooops!---

FF, you could start a hat store! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I am happy to read that you have arrived at a peaceful place in your life. I am kind of a newbie around here so I don't know your sitch that well, but if Jen says you are good people, then FF, you are good people.

Congratulations and continued good graces.

I am so new at this, I am still in the "fog" and some days are worse than others. Today is a bad day. All the memories just don't seem to go anywhere.... how do you stop "remembering"? not only birthdays but things said, things lived, etc...

I am only on week #2 of NC so I guess I have quite a while to go yet.

Any words of encouragement?? why today? why do I have a huge urge to know how he is doing when in all honesty I shouldn't give a rip??

:-(
McB not sure what category I fit in yet...

fullofdoubt, yes we are still together. The OC factor and a very determined OW kept my H in A #2 2.5 years. He has been in NC for a couple months now. I do believe he has earned his F but since we went through so many false recoveries I am a bit leary. He has changed. He is working on our M WITH me now. He is quite remorseful. I don't really have any advice on how to achieve the "recovered" part of my RWS title except to say that when my A was finally disclosed and all was out in the open I began to personally recover. Throughout our false recoveries I continued to work on myself, worked to own what I had done and why. I had a great deal of guidance and help from people here on MB. I just bumped a thread a couple days ago by my friend kyellow4 you may want to read about owning your own affair. It is good stuff. She has been quite an example to me.

As for my H, I assume at some point if he continues on this path he will come to the realization that the person he was during the A's was not who he is any longer.

McBecca, I am happy you are around and reading. There is much to be gained from the experience of others who have walked in your shoes. AD ie a wonderful example of just that. It took me a long time to stop "caring" what the OM was doing. About6 months I would guess. By then, thankfully I was pregnant with my DS (by my H) and xOM had moved on to another R. I am forever thankful that temptation was removed from me. I did end the A. I wanted to be with my H, but it was still hard to initially to let go. The more time went on the more I realized what I nearly lost. You will get there sweetie, one day at a time ok? If you are tempted to break NC come here and post or call someone you can trust, possibly even your H.

Hi McBecca,

As a BS, I can tell you that it matters not what your thoughts are. You cannot control them, at least not now. What matters to your BH are your actions. Learn to gauge your success by your actions, or lack thereof, and you will be fine.

FF, I've just realised that people are probably reading your title with a sinking feeling. Not another one who's regressed, they'll be thinking.

McBecca, if you'd asked me in March I would have said, and so would my H, that I was a RWW. Unfortunately, in April of this year I renewed contact with the OM and became a WW again for a week. Not a PA but definitely the start of an EA although I refused to see it at the time despite many, many posts from MBers pointing out that I was back in the fog. BTW, people can you forgive me for being such an a**.

Anyway, NC has been firmly in place since April and I now proudly bear the title FWW again. I would say RWW but, as Rook pointed out, I may call myself that but I doubt my H would just yet. I'm working on that by becoming the person I want to be and who my H wants me to be. A person of integrity and with the A and the OM firmly out of our lives forever.

NC will work McBecca. You need to give it time and ACTIVELY work on your marriage and removing the OM when he comes into your thoughts. We believe what we think.

My story is A from Feb 2002 to June 2003. Ended by OM. D-day Oct 2003. Found MB Feb 2004. H exposed to OM's wife April 2004. Bumped into OM April 2006 and renewed contact for a week. Ended contact by me. Didn't tell H about renewed contact. Contact exposed to my H by fellow MBer (because I was gutless and foggy and couldn't do it). I hasten to point out that my fellow MBer knew how to contact me because of private e-mail between us, the board is completely anonymous and always has been.

I forgive you Kiwi.

I'm glad you are back to your old self again.

So am I, Plank, so am I.

Thank you. If it hadn't been for a poster called Evil Mean Nasty and another poster called God Bless Texas <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> who knew when to do the right thing, I don't think I'd be where I am now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Oh good,
What a happy thread to read.
Makes one gush !!

SS