Ive been married for 17yrs and I have made a few mistakes in my marriage that has hurt my wife. I have started internet friendships with several woman, and my wife has found out about this on 2 occassions. I feel terrible that she found out and I hurt her. I never slept with anyone but did have an emotional connection with them. I seem to do this when I do not get the attention I need at home. Is there anyway I can make this marriage work..please help any advice would be great..thanks..

Welcome to marriage builders. I'm glad you found us. Can you tell us more about what your life is like at home?

sure, I have 3 boys 17,15,10 wife works full time as i do..I do work an off shift not home at night. We have worked very hard to get where we are today...started with pretty much nothing, couldnt pay the bills now live in a nice house big yard..money still tight..but ok. Our life is very planned out..same thing everyday. I know my wife doesnt love me as much as i love her she has told me that because of the things i have done. So helppppppp.....

jcna,

Welcome to MB. I have lots of questions....sorry. Did you end your relationship with these women and has all contact stopped? How long did the relationships last? I'm a little concerned because you mention that you feel terrible because "she found out" and you "hurt her"....which kinda sounds like you're more upset about getting caught rather than understanding how destructive it is to your wife, your marriage....and ultimately to you too. Are you sorry....or are you sorry she found out?

Have you explored why this was your coping mechanism for dealing with lack of attention? And what that means to you? What safeguards are in place to help protect your wife if you feel neglected again? How open and honest have you become? Have you revealed everything....and given her access to your passwords, email, messaging, cell phones records etc. Have you devised a plan to use to combat destructive decisions so this is repeated? What could you have done....and what could you do now instead? And finally....could you describe what you mean by "not getting the attention you need at home". What kind of attention are we talking about specifically?

JCNA,
Sounds like you and your wife need to complete the Emotional Needs Questionnaire found on the MBs website. It is VERY enlightening and helped us to understand each other better. Great place to start! Hopefully you have committed to ending all internet relationships and focus on your M. Sounds like your W and your M depend on it.

SS

Thanks for the reply...To answer all your questions now..Yes I have ended all my contact with the woman I have contacted on the internet. I would say the realationships last not that long about a few weeks then I loose intrest and find someone else to give me what im looking for which is aceptance and attention. And no Im not upset I got caught..well let me say I didnt want to get caught but I did...but thats not why Im upset. I think I know why I do this but I dont know how to stop..I never got any attention at home growing up other than negitive comments. Now I have messed up, and lost my wifes trust, I dont know how to get her to give me what I need. The attention Im looking for is kind of two fold, Im looking for an emotional accetance and also a physcial, a hug, a kiss...not just sex.

JCNA,

I also think you should ask your wife to read and sign up on this site.

It may help her.

jcna,

How has your wife reacted to this situation? Do you think she still wants to work on the marriage? Has your wife always withheld affection and attention?