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#1733816 08/19/06 10:01 PM
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sorry to bother anyone with this but i sure could use some words of encouragement. last night i finalized a break up with someone i've been seeing since the end of feb. i knew a long time ago that i needed to but every time he came running back to me i kept hoping things would change. i finally had to accept that they wouldn't. his views about God and mine don't line up at all and that has caused a lot of conflict in our opinions about what behaviors are acceptable and what are not. i'm done fighting. my beliefs in God and Christ won't change - he died for me, i owe him my life and try to live according to the Bible. even though i fail sometimes i keep focusing back on my relationship with the Lord and trying to live according to his will. david believes that God forgives us for our weakneses and if it feels good - do it. that's just not always true. sometimes, even if it hurts, you have to do what is right.

i started off crying today, then managed to get strong enough reading through everybody's posts that i could put it away for a while. but it's time to go to bed now and it all hurts to let go of something you kept wishing would work and kept working on it so hard that it actually started dragging me down.

Any positive words anyone has to say would be greatly appreciated. There's no one in my family i can talk to, they're too wrapped up in other things.

RMW #1733817 08/19/06 10:18 PM
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((RMW))

It does hurt. It hurts to let go of something you wished for. The death of dreams is painful. And being brave enough to do the right thing doesn't always feel good. Sometimes it breaks your heart.

Here's some verses that have carried me through.

Lam 3:21-24
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions neverl fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

The waiting is the hardest part.


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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I know it's tough. Sends you back through lots of memories, probably, and lots of hopes. But, there is peace to be found in God.

Maybe this relationship was meant as practice for the next one - one that will be even better.

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thanks johnstwin, you're right waiting is the hardest part. i waited the first time for 10 yrs before i remarried, focusing on healing from my past and the best interest of my children. i was 23 when all that started. then i remarried without getting to know the other person well enough only to find out that because of previous circumstances he would let his daughter get away with anything and never let her face any consequences for her actions. but only after dr. h's advice that he would never have a healthy relationship with anyone if he wasn't willing to work on certain behaviors of his own did i finally give up and let that relationship go.

now two & 1/2 yrs later i'm having to let once go again. there's got to be something wrong with me that i keep on letting myself in for such trouble. i just have to figure it all out. dr. h told me with this one to get out of it, it was a relationsip doomed for abuse and control. i finally got up the guts for once to do it. but it's hard to hang on to.

you're right cinderella; i'm sure it must be a stepping stone in some way. it really makes me look back to when my kids were younger and the things they must have gone through in relationships. i never had a chance to learn all of that back when i was young. due to unusual circumstances ( i wasn't preg.) i ended up married to the first man i dated, so i never had a chance back then to date and learn to deal with the emotions involved with the support of friends and relatives. IT'S TOUGH! God bless our teenagers!

But you are right! i just hope it doesn't take too many more before i learn to get it right.

pray for me - God knows what i need even when i don't.

THANK YOU BOTH, VERY MUCH!

RMW #1733820 08/19/06 11:35 PM
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(((RMW))) Finding myself in the same boat as you I totally can relate to what you are feeling. Since you have mentioned that in addition to religious differences there were also issues of abuse and control this really is a blessing in disguise. Unfortunately that doesn't make it hurt any less. Trust your instincts. This wasn't right and you are making the right decision. Although this is tough, you will get through it and be a stronger person who is ready for real love when it comes along.

I really feel for you. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

Take care and God bless!
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I'm sorry you had to give up on a relationship you had hoped for with this man. (((RMW)))

Does sound like it's for the best though.

It's interesting, I've been stuggling a bit lately with what I tell potential relationship men about my feelings regarding my D. I KNOW that for me personally I'm far better off without ex. However, I fought for my marriage, would have worked more & harder had ex been willing. I told two men this & both ass u med I hadn't gotten over ex. Hmmm, them or me or both? Sorry to unload on your thread.


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RmW,
I sympathise, and I am sorry you're going through this. I think we purposely have to have several relationships as stepping stones before we get to the "one". It hurts many times, but each time it gets a little easier. Keep in mind it is for the best, and try to figure out what lesson you should have learned from it. Allow yourself to grieve over it, and then keep an open mind about new relationships. It is bound to get better for us! Hang in there!
KK


Me, 49
Divorced 3-13-03
son 21, daughter 18, daughter 16
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new
thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland” (Isa. 43:18, 19).

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Thanks to all of you for the support! Affirmation is very important at a time like this. In fact, he just called about 40min ago. We talked for a little while and then he said he missed me. I told him I just didn't believe it would work - I had to have somebody that had the same values I do. (I am firm in my beliefs about God and what is proper behavior for before and after marriage - he's way too loose) Things I see that I've said I've done wrong he says I didn't, but there is scripture to back it up.

He said he was going back to his house to watch movies but I bet before the night is over he'll be down at the bar drinking and singing karaoke.

Maybe God just intended for me to back off and see where I was and what I needed to do to get my life back straight with him. If he really does "believe in God" then maybe he'll get his life straight too. But I can't let myself suffer for his waywardness. He has to figure all that out for himself.

Again, thanks. Please keep praying for me to stand firm and not let it drag me back down again. Each time I have to tell him - no - it does get a little easier if I know someone is there to back me up!

Nams, sorry about all the ****s you've come across in dating. Maybe it'll get better soon.

RMW #1733824 08/21/06 12:37 PM
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SR,
I was glad to see you on this thread because when I read "stepping stone" I thought of you. Whatever you are going through with BF/XBF is likely a stepping stone to put you in a better place.
Believe that in trying and putting yourself out there that you are moving on. Life takes risks, for which you are rewarded in the long run.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*

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