My H likes to play online games. Has found a new friend to chat with. Has spent 2-3 hours today chatting with this woman. That is what he is doing now.

I know this is nothing compared to his affair, but it is something to me. If he had spent 2 hours talking with me today, I might not care.

But all I get is that he doesn't know what he wants, doesn't have feelings for me, etc.

We are 6 months past d-day. My anger is just growing now. I have put with with 10 years of porn use, then an affair, now the new thing is internet chat.

I don't want to destroy my children's lives. I am trying to keep hope, because he is in MC and IC, and he is staying here to give the marriage a chance.

But right now I feel so much anger I just don't know what to do.

How can I calm down?

Do you have two computers? Get game. Play while he plays and chat with him.

Calm down-breathe. Go by yourself and create a really unique laugh (OUT LOUD) and keep at it (OUT LOUD) until you perfect it.

Strangely this may work.

want,

What if the thing it takes to SAVE your marriage....is to stop putting up with his failure to re-invest in your marriage? Plan B isn't designed to end marriages....it's designed to end entrenched destructive behavior like affairs, neglect, abuse, addiction. I think that's your next logical step because quite obviously.....your husband doesn't respect you or love you as he should.

To calm down....talk a walk, meditate, call a girlfriend, take a break from the house.

Start looking realistically about what a life with someone who doesn't respect you or invests his energy outside of the marriage is going to look like. You're going to have to <UP> the ante. The only way to have power....is to take it. Why sit and wait for him to decide whether to treat you badly today or not? Why not decide what kind of marriage you want.....and be willing to take a greater risk to get it?

Call the Harleys....get your husband into counseling if he'll go....but stop waiting for him to change....and change your own stars.

Thor and Star,

I like the laugh idea. It would be a distraction from what I am feeling.

I have tried the online games with him. I'm not new so I'm not interesting. He likes to play with strangers.

I don't know how to plan B. Since he lives here, it seems impossible.

I know our counselor keeps telling me it takes time to change behavior......

He just doesn't see anything wrong with what he is doing. He thinks I am crazy when stuff bothers me.

Homestly, I don't think I want to plan B to save the marriage. I think I need to plan B for my own happiness.

I'm just very stressed today. I'm sure I'll feel stronger tomorrow.

I have a timeline planned, I just need to avoid LB's and see it through.

Thanks for your quick responses. It was better for me to vent here. Better to talk with him tomorrow at MC.

I appreciate your help.

Go to Search and look for 2 poster's names: [H] & Knewjie.

[H] is the Xws who left his wife to meet up with a fellow gamer. He told the gamer he was indepentantly weathly. He took his family's only car (new one) and drove off from 1 state to the west coast. The WS stayed with the OW for a while. The funny thing is the EA started right under his wife's nose. Both of them played the online games together. The A got sooo bad, even his own pets rejected him.

[H] finally got his head out of the fog and I was able to meet both he and his W when he left that state and came to visit his mom near my town.

Their M recovered and occasionly Knewjie posts here.

Don't treat it lightly. The adventure can lead to the destruction of a M.

L.

Let me give you a few more examples of affairs that started with online gaming.

First, my own situation, where my wife began an online affair with a man she met in an MMORPG. She was all set to leave me and go live with him...EVEN THO' THEY HAD NEVER MET IN PERSON.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

And then a thread from another guy who was in my exact same kind of situation...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...art=79&vc=1

And finally a thread with a couple of ladies who posted on here who were the ones who'd gotten into an online affair themselves.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

This is becoming pretty commonplace. Don't underestimate the danger to your marriage because it's 'only online'.

I agree with all of the advice you've been given. Your H hasn't started working on the marriage yet...he's just transferred from one 'affair' to another.

Orchid and Owl,

Thank you for the links to other members who have suffered because of online affairs. My H thinks I am crazy to believe this can be a problem!

Owl, he is changing one affair for another.

But it is weird, because it doesn't matter what woman he chats with. A couple of weeks ago, it was a different one. It is the affair mentality and high that he can't seem to get rid of, I think.

I am lost as to how to proceed. He lives here. I can't Plab B with him in our house. And he would probably be thrilled to move out. Then he would be free to do anything he wanted. Honestly, I have been working on this marriage by myself for so long, I can't deal with that. I don't want to save this marriage if he moves out. For my own sanity, I won't be able to.

So what now? The MC doesn't think this is over, wants to give it more time. I think he needs Plan B to give him a real kick in the behind. I don't know what to do next.

I haven't read up on your story. Have you read up on Plan A, Plan B, etc...?

If so, have you done plan A first? For how long? Do you think it's been a GOOD plan A?

Personally, I'd probably cut off the internet in your house before you went to plan B. If you have been fighting to get the online 'activities' to end, but it's not happened, then I'd tell him honestly that enough is enough, and that you had the internet removed so he could break his addicition to these activities. He'll probably throw a fit, but I'd make it clear to him that you don't hand drugs to a junkie, a beer to an alchoholic, so giving him internet access to allow him to continue these behaviors is just as foolish.

Make sure you've got an MC who understands infidelity, and has a solid PLAN on how to recover your marriage from this. Ask him what that plan is. If he doesn't know, or won't tell you...get a new MC. Obviously the Harley's would be ideal...if that route doesn't work, you might contact their office to see if there is an MB based counselor in your area.

Do plan A...but also remember that you don't have to ACCEPT his behavior either. The goal is to END that bad behavior of his.

If you've done all this already, then perhaps plan B makes sense. But only if you've done a GOOD plan A, and feel it's the best chance for YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE.