You might find this interesting....

years ago (maybe 4?)
there was a female poster who was not married, but living with her boyfriend, and he cheated ...

she directly asked me for my opinion ...

I gave it .. she did not like what I had to say ... because, in part, I said I did not consider her relationship equivalent to a marriage

of course there are/were similarities to a marriage .... but it is NOT actually marriage until it is a marriage

but for me

my boundary of marriage means marriage ... not live in, not years of going together, not even co-parenting

so....... I told her I had given her my personal best and I would not be replying to her further as if she were married ...

and what happened was ... she reapplied to MB under a new screen name and posted as "married" ... so she could get me to help her more ...

in other words

she stole my time under false pretenses

it was more important for her to get my advice than it was for her to be honest with me ...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Pep

... by the way .... my original advice to HER as an UNmarried woman was that in my opinion he was "not a keeper" ... his track record was poor risk for future investment. Eventually, even after posing as a married woman here ... she came to realize that he was "not a keeper" ... and she got rid of him ... it was at that time she fessed up and revealed she'd been lying to me for about a year!

LOL

That is interesting...

There is still a poster over on EN that did exactly this...slimjim.

He was outed fairly quickly.

There's no doubt that MB principles will work in relationships other than marriages.

Where things get sticky is when people begin expecting, yea, demanding marital behavior from the other...

An example:
Married or engaged people should be RADICALLY HONEST and TRANSPARENT with each other. I don't think this same level of transparency should apply to dating relationships

Low

I like you

even tho you sometimes irritate me a great deal ... something about you I have always liked....

You're a good man ... I wish you the best... and, I hope we can continue fight with each other now and then, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Pep

It's worth noting that we're not advocating deception and dishonesty in dating relationships...I think that's just plain wrong.

If I were single, I'd compete with another man for a woman ABOVE BOARD...on my own merit...let her choose....there is nothing dishonest about that.

But...anytime there is sneaking and subterfuge...something's gone terribly wrong.

In the other post, I'm sorry that TA's daughter got hurt...but it was through no fault of her own, other than making the bad choice to become involved with someone who was not being above board.

She will learn to deal with the hurt...it's part of becoming an adult...and she will be stronger and wiser for it.

Low....that's true about slimjim....but for some reason, folks still reply to him as IF he's married anyway....even the ones who know he's not. At one time, they were living together and both posted....now I think his gf has possibly moved out. Every now and then when slim starts venting about her behavior and how she doesn't follow the POJA, I pop in a say "now slim, she's not your wife.....she's not even a very good girlfriend". LOL

<mimics Cowardly Lion> Put'em up...PUT'EM UP....OWwwww...she pulled my tail .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

.........of course you don't have to be married to practice POJA, right?

I do it everyday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You can do it with anyone who agrees to do it with you - in many cases prolly better than married folks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

POJA applied to dating situations ... argh .... boggles the mind ... sounds like a set-up for people-pleasing instead ...

Pep

Of course not....that's why I said she wasn't even a very good girlfriend LOL!

LOW

no matter what ... I can whup yer azz 6 ways till Tuesday

I'm smarter and faster ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

and I kick to the groin unexpectedly !! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Pep

But WAT...wouldn't you think that POJA works best when both parties can bring their Takers to the table without fear of losing the other person?

I think the Taker/Giver balance required for an effective POJA may call for a level of trust and security not found in most dating relationships.

I see your point though...you can POJA with good friends and family...because you have trust and security...

Ok...forget all that "above board" crap...looks like sneaky subterfuge is the order of the day <as he grabs his tail and slinks out... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />>

I'd agree that's where it needs to work the most effectively.

Shouldn't Takers always have to fear losing something? - well, the smart ones, that is. Being married has no bearing on this.

And in my case, I'm not in a dating relationship. I'm in a commited relationship. It seems to me that POJA most effectively ought to already be a habit by the time a couple ends "dating" and enters a mutual, long term monogamous relationship. IMHO, being married is an artificial prerequisite for this.

WAT

Good questions make strange bedfellows, no?

Are you still pregnant?

Yep..due Sept 10...still needing names.

how about

"Orbit"

?????

how about

"Harley"

????

Middle name must be "Noodle" regardless of the first name !

I know someone who named their son "Norbert"

Little Norb. Norby.