Wife has come around greatly. She hasn't contact OM is over a month. However, he keeps e-mailing her. I put a filter on his e-mails so that they go to trash, so I find them there unread. I have written this guy and asked him nicely to stop emailing and contacting my wife. But he doesn't listen. How can I get this guy out of our lives? He lives across the country, but I feel every little thing he says to her sets us back. Our marriage may not survive if this home wrecker doesn't stop. Any suggestions, besides flying out there and giving him what he deserves?

Thanks in advance for any non-violent solutions!

Sounds like he's playing games. It's easy for him, because it doesn't cost him anything.

Can you have your ISP filter it out before it ever gets to you?

It would probably cost less than $100.00 to have a lawyer in his state write him a letter stating that if he continues you intend to file a harassment suite against him.

If he's nuts, it won't make any difference to him.

Stating your intent to file doesn't mean you can afford to file, or that you ever will actually file.

SS

Why not change the email address?

where does he live?

Had your wife sent a firm NO CONTACT letter?

My wife emailed hers (cc to me) and told OM all future emails would be forwarded (unread) to me and I'd respond. He immediately responded to her, FWW forwarded it to me and I got to shoot him a verbally harsh email back. A couple of those and he should stop.

Beyond that deactivate the email address or block it completely somehow.

Change home phone numbers so he can't call...maybe turn off the home hard line and switch to Vonage and an unlisted number.

Disappear...and intercept all mail, return to sended indicating yourself that the recipient is no longer at that address (make it appear the post office marked it that way).

A few more weeks of withdrawal and WW won't care anymore anyway.

Mr. Wondering

She doesn't know that I filtered her e-mail. I am afraid that if I tell her she will change her password, account, etc. I am thinking about contacting one of his professor, if not all of them. As many people as I can. Just to let them know what he is doing. He lives in California.

Keep the inputs coming

Thanks,

do you know how to get a hold of him?

Write him a NO CONTACT letter as if written by your wife and CC your own (new) email account.

Be brief and formal. Use the MB No Contact letter form and indicate that any and all future emails sent by him will be forwarded UNREAD to YOU for your response. CC yourself as well (not your main email account but a new Yahoo address that appears legit...you don't want him harassing you continually on a known address your wife might see or access someday or that you want to keep once this is over)

Then when he writes again you forward the email to your new yahoo address and YOU respond harshly and hope that's it. Post it on MB and get input.

OM will think your wife did it all and hopefully disappear.

If your wife finds out you immediately show her the emails and come clean with full apologies indicating your best intentions.

The above is ONE suggestions; however, I think it would be best to be honest with your wife. Draft the response email as indicated above and have it ready to go. Tell your wife exactly what you are doing and why. Hope she is willing to go along with it. Ultimately, ending the affair completely is her responsibility. Currently the OM is getting no responses. How long until he finds another way to contact her and she's likely going to KNOW you were snooping her email. You'll get busted eventually anyway. Sure she can change her password and carry-on but without her commitment to end things with OM (and OM not giving up) what have you got anyway. At some point, it's worth the risk to TOGETHER end the affair once and for all.

Mr. Wondering

Excellent advice Mr. Wondering. I think I will give it a try. I just feel so bad breaking up our good streak. Everything has been going so great for us recently. I truely feel that she wants everything back on track and I feel us stronger than ever. I'm just affraid that if she contacts him. Things could turn.

What to do....what to do? Life just can't be simple can it!

Thanks again all!

Here is what I wrote to OM after he emailed back my wife to ask further questions about why she told his Ex-wife about the affair back in September, 2005. She emailed him a short response (with my input and consent) and CC'ed me telling him to have no further contact. He didn't respect her request and thus I got my chance to put him in his place.

This all occurred in February of this year though the affair had ended in June, 2005.

Here's what I wrote:


"Your Ex-wife, XXX does not have any documentation from us...only what Mrs. W told her last fall. If she inquired further she would get only the truth, despite the consequences. I wouldn't offer any old documentation as that information has long been dead and buried. I can't see how she can use this against you when she did the same thing with her new man. It is very obvious she, at the very least, had an "emotional affair" with him previous to her exit from your marriage, which is EQUALLY as immoral, sinful and unjustified as what you did to me. I can only surmise your continued resentment and lack of respect for your ex-wife has primarily put you in your current predicament. It has nothing to do with us and your involvement of us is a further indication of your lack of development, selfishness, and immaturity.

You and Your Exwife need to resolve your issues for the sake of your daughter. Having an affair with my wife and exposing your daughter to Mrs. W last spring were VERY bad choices and you may, in fact, suffer consequences as a result, however, coming to peace with your ex-wife, surrendering to her, offering her your complete respect as your ex-wife and mother of your child, without DRAMA, without court interference may behoove you more in the long run than continued childish "fighting" with her.

Grow up. Take it like a man. You messed up your own bed, now lay in it.

Fortunately for you, I sat back last spring and allowed the chips to fall as they may. There was no sense in confronting you just as there is no sense in calling a retarded person a "retard" or pounding the mentally insane. I don't do battle with juvenile imbeciles, because to do so would have only taken me to your level (where you evidentally have more experience). You don't deserve my respect and will never get it. Further, do not delude yourself that you did our marriage any favors. We're great now, IN SPITE OF YOU.

Again, our family requests "no contact" with you, ever. However, if somehow that does not register in your feeble mind and you have more questions then direct the same to ONLY me. DO NOT contact my wife again.

Mr. Wondering"



Good luck Dan,
Mr. Wondering

I think you may be best off indicating to OM that your wife forwarded the email to YOU for your response. Don't draft a response from her as that may be seen as going over the top by your wife should she discover it.

Go into her account and forward the email to your new yahoo email address. From there YOU write a email like mine above merely indicating that your wife forwarded his email to you for your response. She does not want to anything to do with him. Thus it's a No Contact Letter written and signed by YOU on behalf of both of you.

Doing this may give you are better argument that you were being protective of your wife and marriage and not as dishonest forging an email from her.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. Wondering

What part of California?

What is his area code?

far