Well, today was a tough one...but for a change I held up.

The court gave me 30 days to pay the last "chunk" of the settlement, plus WW...now X was to have her belongings gone, but she was here 2 weeks ago and crying, loving me and generally tearing my heart out.

So....today I was off work and loaded it all in a trailer...wrwpped and taken care of same as my own...and with class took it there and gave her my goodbyes and her belongings along with photos and all the cards that was still here.

One of the hardest things I've ever done was watching her cry, sob and I held her as she apoloized and kissed me goodbye and I turned from her and walked away.

I'm seeming to be better here at home now that I've staeted re docorating and there is'nt many reminders of her.

man-decorating

should be interesting ...
velvet paintings of Elvis?

So sorry you have to go through this. Stay strong.

(((((((welderboy))))))))

--Sarah

No the "King" is in the garage....I preferr the card playing dogs....don't you know.

The strangest thing about WW was that she kind of blamed our small town and the gossip? She is truly hurting.

and how are you felling?

Let her hurt welder...do not protect the WS from their actions! A la Dr. Phil...let her OWN HER OWN ACTIONS...and her adultery and affairs. SHE IS WHY this divorce happened ok?

if she hurts? It is xmrs. Welderboy's fault. NOT Welderboy
!

She is hurting? Not really. she can't eat the cake anymore. sheis relegated to eating just ONE FLAVOR now....and she don't like it!

But welder...she is a WS. WS's will lie.

how to tell if a WS is lying? THEY ARE BREATHING!

Only believe her when she is a 100 percent co mmitted to recovery and 100 percent commited person period to OWNING HER ACTIONS before WELDERBOY EVEN GIVES HER THE TIME OF DAY.

she hasn't earned anything yet from you. too nice in fact bringing her the belongings imho...she needs some distance...FAR FAR AWAY...tough love...from a vast distance...from you.

YOU'RE SINGLE...do not hate the fact you don't have to carry the burden of the WS anymore as it's not your deal and not your burden anymore. thank God you're done with this drama!

Don't even speak to her unless she's made a 100 percent turnaround and is willing to go to mc, do 100 percent committed MB work and shows it in her ACTIONS...NOT HER VILE WS WORDS!

How am I feeling....well, sad but after everything has been moved and cleaned out....no longer is there a robe hanging on bathroom door etc...I'm a bit more at ease here at home. I also found a few interesting books she had but did'nt finish reading. I'm headed to work right now and will check in tonight.

Pep, naaaa....more like Nascar. Still driving, still in control of the horsepower, riding on the edge of losing the grip on the track, and still dependent upon outside help because the driver can only drive "so far" on his own and then needs a helping hand from the pit crew, to say nothing of the "Crew Chief" who is watching and directing everything that the driver needs, even when the driver doesn't need it. And then there are the "spotters," those fellows watching for trouble ahead. A team effort all designed to get the driver safely to the finish line.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If my husband decorated this house....there would be stuffed animal heads and huge fish hanging in every room....the "lodge" look. Probably one of those wagon wheel coffee tables too like in "When Harry Met Sally".

The man I'm dating is an interior decorator and a gardner/landscaper on the side...and he loves to shop at antique stores.

Can you believe it? He will spend hours looking at tiles and paint and appholstery fabric with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And he rides a Harley!!!

Oh my gosh, I couldn't have designed him better if I designed him myself!

Learn how to garden, cook and lay tile Welder...believe me you will have the girls eating out of your hand. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Oh and pick up some cool and relatively inexpensive items at an antique store...blue glass mason jars, old wooden spoons, cast iron skillets... in other words find a passion you can share with women.

A great way to kill a Sat. afternoon while out on a date or while you are alone before you start dating (too soon to start dating but never too soon to become passionate about the more artistic aspects of life).

Hey Weaver, I ride a Harley, always could cook, have in the past with WW andstill continue to shop farm auctions and antique stores.

Funny waht you said about the Mason jars....my garage had a large collection of them...that got the wash and wax, and now reside in the house.

I love lanterns and oil lamps and have a pretty nice bunch of old bottles and crocks.

In the past 2 and 1/2 yrs.I've pretty well been on my own...have a huge yard, and live in the country where I can't see my neighbors home.

Then there is the Hosta's the tree's....heck I'm beginning to either sound gay or perfect?

The scary part is...I even have learned to fold fitted sheets!!!

Thanks for your posts....as I write this I see I'm not just too bad off...by myself.

"The scary part is...I even have learned to fold fitted sheets!!!"

Holy freaking cow, WB. That is really scary.

Now just maintain total NC with her. You will get better and better.

She will not be able to NC, you know. She can't do it on her own. She can't protect you and she can't help you. And you cannot help her. So stay strong and stay NC.


With prayers,

Want to earn a little $ on the side? Conduct classes in Fitted Sheet Folding 101.

Please send me a sign-up sheet.

Ap....your'e right, she knows my cell phone has caller ID but the home one does'nt and she called on her way home from work.

She said after her little breakdown last night that she wanted NC....so I reminded her of that and her voice was a little broken....she said she only wanted to hear my voice.

I didn't say much other than I was busy.

Something I found during the clean out of her belongings was a book on "Ending the Guilt that Binds You" and another which had some very personal notes and high lighted lines in it titled "Adult Children of Abusive Parents."

Wow! You're 30 day post D update has really given me some hope. Hope in that I'll be okay and can get past it all and will be alright and hope that there really are guys out there who like Harleys, antique stores, cooking, etc.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I guess life does go on. It's up to us how well we live it.

I'm kind of excited about moving on and starting over.

LOL Welder, that is funny.

My little brother is always going on and on about his lemon trees and wine strainers (or some other strange item he is shopping for), heck he doesn't even ride a motorcycle...

and he is not gay, he is perfect!

Seriously, the girls always loved that guy from the time he was little and he never even played sports (heluva horn player though).

You are going to be fine and as Ap reiterated, no contact with her, it's important to keep reminding yourself why too, so you don't forget and think it's okay now...six months before you can look at things clearly when dealing with this type of long-term, unhealthy, addictive, cycle type R.

Life2short, you sound really good too! It's so nice to see people healing and looking forward to life again on here.

Sorry to say....but she called me Tuesday evening and sent me a e mail Wed,

I'm late heading to work but will update later.

WB,

Of course she did. And she will.

How about just plain telling her to go away? Not be mean or anything, but just remind her you are now x’s and not friends. Tell her you need her to leave you alone so you can move on, as she herself said she wants you to.

You know, she just wants to have an affair with you (and with other men) but not be married to you.

And that would be very bad for you. I can see you stuck in this neverland forever. Worse, you would be trapped in he11.

The next woman you get seriously involved with, and you will, will not think well of it.

Do what it takes to get her to stay away from you.

It’s how you will recover. You have all the necessary personal assets. You are a pretty cool dude. You will thrive – once she is definitely part of your past.

It will be a struggle – both for you and for her.

She obviously needs the drama.

You don’t.

With prayer

I know this is way after the fact... but did you have an effective plan b? Did you actually go NC with her? It doesn't sound like it.. I mean gosh.. you can't even maintain NC divorced! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Nope....my plan B was never at all effestive...I love this lady a bunch and I think the longest she ever went without contact was about 5 days.

In the letter last night she mentioned that she herself can not understand why she feels the need to still have me in her life....she said she was sorry if I felt as if she was trying to make "hangon" as I had asked her....she said she only wants me to be happy and feels I need more than her, but also said this is the first she had started grieving the lose of her marriage and was missing her "best freind."

It's a shame but I somehow knew that she would start learning a little too late. Her thanking me for "everything" I had ever done for her...as she put it actually made me feel really good.

She also mentionrd the guilt...she can't seem to shake and that she knows she needs to learn to love herself....she said, before she could love me.

I just don't understand what took so long?

How what took so long? Seems exactly the same as it has for as long as I've been reading your sitch.

What's changed?

You are divorced, but the dance remains the same.