I read a book once where there was a paraphrase of something Augustine said, "To have peace, you must know yourself and, to know yourself, you must be alone."

You were engaged at a young age and broke it off about a year ago. This was apparently your first long-term relationship. Since then, you have dated 5 or 6 other girls. Now you are seeing this girl. She is only 19 and she is living with another guy.

I think you would be smart to seek more peace in your life. You are not in a peaceful place. This girl is causing you all sorts of emotional unrest.

So, what changes in YOUR life would lead you to better know yourself and to have more peace?

Well i did talk to her and i told her that i felt her relationship was failing because of ours and that she had to choose, and she said we have to stop. so we did.

and she called and i said no, and then i called and she said no. then we had time alone and i'm sorry it doesnt stop.

she's with her boyfriend because when ehr and i met he was in jail nad she was moments away from leaving him, when she finally got the courage his mom died and she felt obligated to take care of him cause he had no one else. i would do the same, there were obvious problems in their relationship which are still existant, and from talking to her she realizes that. i do believe she understands now that her relationship with him bf is on borrowed time and should've been over months ago. Shes comfortable and settling and i'm not going to let her do that.

She will be unhappy, unsatisfied and regret her life if she stays with him, no matter how nice a guy he is, he is not the man shes going to spend her life with and she knows it. so maybe it's just dating and figuring things out, because they are not married, it is cheating but its not an A, because there is no commitment, there were no promises made. it's just young kids being young kids and tryign to find the one for them, and i'm sorry but he wasnt it and he needs time to be let down gently.

You can hate me for it i dont care, my heart has been in it and hers is with me, not him, you may not trust your partners because of mistakes they ahve made but i trust mine, even if shes in a akward and morally wrong situation, shes done everything she can for everyone else her whole life, and now that she thinks about pleasing herself...her current boyfriend does fit the bill, and i'm sorry chaps but i do.

So, I guess you are satisfied knowing this woman, with whom you are having an intimate relationship, is having an intimate relationship with another man.

If you are satisfied with this, I suppose we can't stop you but you should be aware that we can't help you very much.

i did that, and what do you want me to say, she was pissed off at me she never wanted to tlak to me again cause i tld her she need to tell him if she was going to spend the rest of her life wit hhim she said ****** you.

3 days later she called, saying she was sorry, i said i wasnt that i dont like lieing about it all. that she should tell him if hes the last man in her life, she said...i dont think he is i just cant right now, what do you want me to say, we hang out as friends very rarely now, no sex no kissing no nothing, her boyfriend knows about it everytime now. and every day she misses being with me as more than a friend ever more, wtf do youwant me to do. i love her too

True love cannot be born in a cradle of lies, dishonesty and deceit.

She demonstrated her "true self" to you when you told her what she needed to do. That should have been more than enough for you to see that this relationship you have with her is likely to only end in tragedy. Why sink more effort into it?

cause i'm not as heartless as you. i've been hurt before too, quite deeply. but i still trust my heart and my feelings.

When i was dumped 2 years ago she said the same thing that needs to be said now, "i love you, but i dont know if we can be together forever if i find myself having similar feelings for other people."

in our age group we arent meeting all the possible sutors of our life in high school we meet our mates in college after a serious relationship in HS maybe. It's a differnt place to find love in. and i jsut think she may love him very much and care about him deeply, but they just arent the perfect match that people are looking for.

i bet any money if she dumped him...
1. he would tell her he was sorry and blame himself tryign to guilt her back.
2. try to say like he doesnt care she cheated on him.
3. threaten stupid ****** as last ditch efforts, all of which make her realize even more profoundly that he really wasnt the last man in her life.
4. he'll cry about it for a couple months.
5. he'll meet some other chick thats too young for him, and work on that.
6. he can knock up some other girl and turn her into his white trashy i'm sure will be a horrible father life style and get married to young and trap someone else.

this woman he is with deserves better, and i can give that too her. i know i can, because i know how we sleep together at night, and how we hold each other, and i know that she wants it jsut as much. maybe i'm blinded and one sided by my own wants thats true, but dont tell me i'm completely insane for trying to love someone.

I found a quote a few weeks ago by Sacha Guitry, it goes:

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."


Best of luck to you Elbarto, you and your girlfriend were made for each other.

I'll bet that most WS and OPs would say the same thing. Unfortunately, when the A ends and the "fog" clears, many of them realize how wrong they were.

What does your MIND tell you? Is it logical to pursue a relationship with someone who is not only involved with someone else, but continues to be involved with that someone else even while enjoying you "on the side"?

A relationship requires three things to be successful: love, trust and commitment. What are you getting from this particular relationship? Do you really think it has any future? Bear in mind that while you continue to pursue an inappropriate relationship with someone else's W, you are denying yourself the possibility of finding and getting involved with someone who can give you the love, trust and commitment that are the true characteristics of a wonderful long term relationship.

This is the last time I will post on this thread, as I think I've said all that needs to be said. I hope that you will eventually make the right decision - and extract yourself from this mess that you've found yourself in.