Background:
Wife recently diagnosed with Bi-polar (8/10-8/14 in psych/rehab ward of hospital) after police involved suicide threat (while drunk). She has a history of depression since teenager. Alcohol abuse is an issue. Her analyst said she is not technically an alcoholic (but an alcohol abuser), since she had no physical withdrawal symptoms. She is currently chatting with other men in adult chat lines. Since she has been back, she drank on nights of 8/14 and 8/19, she has agreed to stop and says there is no alcohol currently hidden in house, she has looked to start AA, but has not yet gone to any meeting. Before rehab was having phone sex with other men, not sure, but she says it has stopped. I have noticed she continues to go to the adult chat site every day and has sent emails with a picture of her (and our daughters) to other men (three or four).


Two days ago she got upset with me and said she cannot trust me to be there when she needs it.

Story behind above statement: I working in the front yard when she said she wanted to go upstairs and lie-down, I said after I’d be in after I finished. Our youngest was in the back yard, so since there is a small pool there she could not be left alone. 10-15 minutes later I went back there to throw away some stuff and she said she was feeling embarrassed about the police incident, did not want to be seen and wanted to go upstairs. I said I’d clean up let her go upstairs. I got pissed that I couldn’t finish what I started and this showed as I was cleaning up the stuff, I was behaving a little child-like slamming the gate, throwing the yard waste away in forceful manner, etc. By the time I finished cleaning up (10Mins), I had calmed down. At that time she wouldn’t go because she knew she upset me and was now upset with me.

She said that I should be more understanding and left the work right away when she told me she wanted to upstairs. We talked later in the evening and I apologized for not doing that and getting angry about ten times). She said that she had just got out of the hospital and I should be looking to help her and be there for her. A day and half later she is not as upset with me.

It’s been years that incidents like this have been happing. I feel like I’m near the end of my rope. I’ve been trying plan A (without the exposure, no PA and it would be real hard to find OM and their BSs since it’s via cell phones and internet) for about a month, with just a few LBs. I know we both still love each other, but I am beginning to feel tired of trying to work things out. Am I being too impatient? I want her to work out her issues, but I’m just not holding it together as well I would like too. I obsessing over this and it’s affecting my work.


Should I hold out hope for and continue plan A?

Should I confront her now (again) on the chat room and emails? Or should I start collecting evidence on the chats/emails, put key-logger snoop program on computers and save it? I have got the feeling that she is ripe for a PA, even though I’m sure this hasn’t happened yet, and she says she would never do that.

We plan on MC, we haven’t set an appointment yet though. She is going to IC once a week now (going to try different meds after today’s appointment.). Would you recommend I see IC also?

Thanks,
jmm

JMM....I feel for you. 7 year vet of BP here.

Doesn't seem to get much better, especially when alcohol is involved.

Will write more later when I have a chance....

I also have a BP spouse (H). It is a very tough illness to live with. My H is newly diagnosed as well and is not yet properly medicated. At times it can feel like you're beating your head against a wall when dealing with him. I guess the main suggestion that I would have is to try to wait it out until your W is properly medicated. Until that happens, I would say that you're in for much more of the same behavior. H's diagnosis is only about 4 months old and he's still not properly medicated. What he is taking is helping, but it's not the night and day difference that I'd hoped for or was lead to believe that it would be. Until she is properly medicated, I would try to hang tight. Hopefully meds will somewhat stabilize her behavior.

hangin,
Thanks for the reply. I've through read some of your posts, looks like you've had a real tough time. You look like you're still hanging in there. Why do you think all your Ws rehabs failed? Are you seeing IC?

callie,
Thanks for the encouragement. Yesterday they decided to keep with the same medicine as prescribed in the rehab.
So you think I should hold off on confrontation about the chat room/email until meds seem to have been settled?

JMM.....BP is a tough illness to deal with. Combine it with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and OCD (obsessive-compulsive) and it's a volitile mix. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. If there are other extenuating issues involved it can make treatment rough.

What I mean by extenuating issues is things that happened in the person's past. While today everything in life might be grand on the surface, trauma from childhood, teen years and early adult years might have left scars and the BP may need to deal with those before a pill will fully help.

In our case, sexual abuse as a child and teen seems to be a large issue. That lead to destructive patterns in her early adult years. Now she's late 30's, a Mother and has a stable environment. The unresolved issues are creeping in. Since current life is good she cannot push down the bad stuff anymore thus depression and mania are becoming harder to control.

In a controlled setting such as rehab or the psych hospital things are fine. Once back out on their own and dealing with independence the need to improve gets shoved down again. Essentially, once my W gets to a point of breakthrough, the pain and guilt she feels is too much and she quits and starts self-medicating again.

For us, depression is the worst. Sometimes lasts for months thus her need to self-medicate. Right now her choice is alcohol which actually makes the depression worse in the long run. When unstable, BP's blurt out words that they don't mean but they can't take it back increasing guilt. In addition to what is said on this board, The "I Love you, but not in Love with you" is a classic BP-Depression line.

I do not know where this road will lead us. I do know that I am committed to her and plan to still be there. I have gone to IC to get some balance in life but I cannot be her baby-sitter. She needs to improve for herself, I'll be there for support when needed. If you search the internet, there are BP support groups and plenty of websites devoted to the illness.

I'm not saying hold off on confrontation, but in my case I don't feel like my H and I can make any progress towards repairing anything until he's stabilized on the correct meds. H's doc said it would take 2-3 weeks for meds to stabilize, but it is no guarantee that he's even on the correct meds. The way I understand it, it is basically trial and error with correct meds / dosages. We are almost 5 months into his bpd and he's still not found a decent psych doc. and I don't feel he is on the correct medication or dosages (not sure which yet). HTH some.

good discussion, all.
my WH has been recently diagnosed as BPD after many years of depression. it led to A with OW#2 (she is BPD also). he also has FOO(Family Of Origin) issues and CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) issues. he held things together for 25 of our 27 years and then these unresolved issues became too much for him. we are currently separated & divorcing. he is in IC for the first time, but I am in Plan B and have no idea if it's helping or not. hopefully, it is...
cgw

hangintough,
Thanks for the info. W comes from a dysfunctional family, her Mother has history of mental illness, it led her parent's fighting all the time and not her being supported (no one home) when she was about 12 -18 before her parents D. For her, no sexual or physical abuse, just neglect. W also has mild OCD.

callie,
I went through some of you threads and found reference to crazymed.org. W is currently on Depakote and it looks like it could take 2-6 weeks before it takes effect. On week two, so maybe I'll wait a bit before the confrontation. In your thread KariJean seems to have good advise on BPD, her husband helped through. I hope I can help my W as well.

I'm hoping the Alcohol and Phone Sex have stopped for good and the ChatRooms/emails will stop once the meds are in full effect. I'm hoping somehow plan A and the meds will cause her to no longer feel the need for extra-marital "conversation" with the opposite sex.

cgw,
Hope you WH gets the help that is needed.

Thanks again all,
jmm

My H is on depakote as well. He was told that it would take about 2 weeks to notice something. One thing that he did though - the meds started to leave a bad taste in his mouth so unbeknownst to me, he started taking his whole daily dose only @ night. This alleviated the bad taste, but wreaked havoc on his stability.

I have to say, I was led to believe by IC that meds would make a world of difference for H. They have not. He is a bit calmer maybe, but other than that, nothing has really changed. I was also told that meds would somewhat take away his compulsiveness (gambling, missing work, misspent money in my case - phone sex in your case.) As far as the self medication (drugs in my H's case, alcohol in your W's) from what I read a very high percentage of people with BPD will self medicate.

His next step is to make an appt w/ a psych. doc. He's known that for 2 months, but hasn't done it. Got frustrated w/ making appts., clearing it w/ insurance and "swept it under the rug." I've been on him pretty heavily to get the appt made. I've always done EVERYTHING for him and I am stepping back on this one. I will be his BIGGEST supporter, but he needs to take the reigns.

BPD is a very tough illness to deal with. From what I've learned, marital success is very low. I guess when I said you should hang tight until your W is stabilized, (which could take months - depakote may not be what works for her, from what I understand it is trial and error.) That doesn't mean put your feelings / concerns aside, that just means don't put alot of hope in repair until she is stabilized. THat is true in my case anyway.

Again, my H's diagnosis is only 4 months old - I'll help you in anyway that I can, but at this point I don't know a whole lot myself as this is all pretty much new. In the process of all of this - take care of yourself too.

Unfortunately in our case, the med combos that seemed to work best also caused side effects that she is not pleased with. The best we found was Depakote and Seroquel. Her personality returned and she began sleeping again. W is very into her appearance and the Depakote made her hair start thinning/falling out so she stopped. Some meds make the patient gain weight, some leave them in a fog all day, some cause rashes, etc.

Who knows what concoction will work for your W or H. In our case, we found some that work but she won't stay on them long term due to side effects.

There is a relatively new med called Geodon that has decent results but possibly a few sides. Problem is that it is VERY expensive and insurance may not cover. When she was on it, 30 day supply was about $350. Stopped because of cost and side effects (minor rash for 1 week, small bumps on forehead).

My WH was diagnosed with BPD back in January, after having
been wrongly diagnosed with "just" depression and taking
numerous AD's for the past five years. He also has OCD, and
comes from a very dysfunctional family that has alcoholism
issues. Although WH is not considered an alcoholic, he has
used alcohol to "self medicate", resulting in 3 DUI's in the
past 5-6 years.

I always felt we had a happy and strong marriage and the only signs of depression or any other problems in our early
days together were that WH was always "down", never seemed
content, always viewed things as "negative". I assumed this
was just "how he was", and hoped my more positive outlook
and upbeat mood would "rub off" on him. After the diagnosis
of depression and OCD and resulting trial of a variety of
AD's, his mood and some signs of the OCD did seem to improve
a bit, but never a drastic change. I always tried to be very
supportive and caring, encouraging his Dr visits, helping
make sure he took meds, went with him a few times to IC he
went too, but he still felt "unhappy and discontent" (in his
words) and back in 2001, had a brief EA with a girl he met
on the internet. I discovered it after only about a month,
called her, "burst the bubble" (he had made himself out to
be quite a "knight in shining armor" to her) and she ended
it. Within a month, he was going out more often, going to
the strip club, drinking, and got involved with a recently
widowed, older woman. We seperated for about a month, then
got back together after she broke it off with him and he
asked to reconcile.
The following year he got two DUI within 6 months, resulting
in lots of expense, loss of his license, him having to do a
work release program, counseling, alcohol classes, etc..
but our relationship seemed to improve, and we had some good
times, trips, and made plans for the future.
Then, in early 2005, I noticed WH seemed to be distancing
himself, wasn't interested in SF, spent lots of hours at
work, and was always on the computer and phone. Found he
had been looking at porn and "escort service" sites, as well
as personals. Talked, begged, threatened, but it did no good
and by last summer, he was "head over heels" for a girl he
met on the internet. I didn't know it at the time, but he
was spending tons of time emailing and talking on the phone
with her, and had told her all kinds of false information,
about himself, me, our relationship, etc. Under the guise of
a business trip, he later flew to meet her and then helped
her move here to our town from out of state (she was moving
her for her job previous to their meeting). He moved out of
our house and immediately in with her, demanded I sign D
paperwork, but denied involvment with anyone, always saying
he was "unhappy and discontent" being married, and wanted to
be on his own. By late summer, he had quit taking any meds,
out of frustration that none of them had really helped. Finally, in Oct., the OW called me, telling me the whole
story of how they met, him moving in with her, him saying
he had been in a "long, unhappy marriage, had put in so
much effort, had gone to MC, and been told we should D but
had tried to "stick it out" because he took marriage so
seriously, never really loved me, etc...". OW called on the
premise of finding out the truth because she had her doubts
about much of his story, and after just two months they were
already fighting and fussing. She had even gotten pregnant
and had an abortion. I initially felt some sympathy for OW
thinking she had gotten herself into the situation without
knowing WH was lying, really still married, hadn't been
seperated before they met, wasn't getting D, etc...
but later in the conversation and others a few days later,
I realized she was a very manipulative person who was using
the info I told her against WH as "leverage", and turned it
around to use against me and our M. Even though OW had called me, WH was furious at me, for talking to her and he
filed initial D paperwork the next day.
WH and OW "broke up" for a week or two, and WH moved out to
his own place, but soon they were back seeing each other.
I did Plan A for a long time, doing my absolute best to be
loving, caring, and show changes I had made in myself, but
didn't seem to see any results after months of that, and was
very sad to spend holidays alone, while I knew WH was with
OW.
Then, on Christmas Eve, I got a call from WH in the middle
of the night. He had been stopped for DUI in a town about
40 miles away, and needed a ride (OW was with him !) He has
no family here, and sadly really has no friends, so he had
no one to call for help except me, and I felt bad enough
for him that I did go pick him up. Due to his past DUIs
and knowing the legalities and consquences of his actions,
he was terrified, and had the worst depression and anxiety
I'd ever seen him with. He seemed to come quickly "out of
the fog", said he was ending it with OW and "didn't know
what he'd ever been thinking", and started calling and also
spending time with me again. Went with him to see the family
DR. and a counselor, who got him an emergency appt. with a
psychiatrist, who immediately tested and diagnosed him with
the BPD. He started taking Symbax initially, and within
days there was a huge positive change. WH said he hadn't
felt that good in years, and his whole attitude changed for
the better. Felt so good to finally have an answer to what
had been going on with him for years, and meds that actually
worked. Within a few weeks, however, his mood started to go
downhill and he was having trouble sleeping, so the Dr tried
another med (Geodon). He took it for less than a week and
had to quit because he had adverse side effects ( tingly
legs, restlessness, anxiety) so then was put on Serequel
which he's been on since. Because his mood was still on the
"down" side, he's also on Lexapro. I think his sleeping is
okay now and his mood seems more steady, but I don't think
it seems like he's ever gotten out of the depressed mode and
still needs some medication changes..
He started IC back in Jan and I went with him to each
appt through end of April, but then started feeling like
he was using the IC session to justify the A and blame
things on me, rather than work on his issues, so I stopped
going. He continues to go, as far as I know.
Unfortunately, his being out of the fog, and intention to
end the A didn't last long either. WH moved home, made
some half-hearted effort to reconcile, but continued to
talk to OW, telling her he wasn't getting back with me, but
that he just needed a little time to "find himself", while
telling me he was done with her and committed to me.
(of course, I didn't know this at the time).
WH moved out again at end of March, and into a house he had
been renovating. We continued to talk and see each other
some, but as he got more involved again with OW that got
less and less.
In late April, I found out OW had moved in with WH, and was
furious and devestated. Wh said it was just for a short time
as she was looking for a new place, but she ended up being
there until the end of July. In the meantime, WH had gone
to court over the DUI and was given a fine, had to attend
alcohol classes, has to continue IC, and had to do 45 days
of full time Comm Service instead of jail time. He has also
lost his license for a year.

At end of July, OW moved out of WH's house. He told me they
had broken up, but I have a feeling it's just another of
the "break up/make ups" they have had every few months.
Seems to me that they can't sustain a relationship without
having to make drama. I also think OW plays on her looks,
plays "victim", and plays a lot of games and puts ultimatums
on WH. To me, she comes across as very sleazy acting, talking, and looking, and she's definiely very paranoid,
insecure, and clingy to WH. Throughout the A, she has
called our house, even called my work one time (I don't
answer her calls), which I assume is her either trying to
"check up" on WH, see if I'm out with him, or badmouth me,
which makes her IMO, not very stable herself. I actually
think she also seems very OCD which could actually be the
only thing she has in common with WH !

I went to Plan B at end of May, and because I didn't have
anyone to be a mediator, do have a little contact with WH
over the joint bills, etc. which I do by email. He will
ocassionally leave a phone message for me, as though he has
wanted to keep some contact. He's not asked to see me, or
indicated any desire or willingness to reconcile however,
so I'm sure he is still involved with OW. I also still
get calls that I believe are her on the home phone (I
blocked her home number but get lots of "private caller"
calls).

My IC has said that BPD is a very difficult disorder to
live with and treat, and very hard on a marriage, although
it can be done, and BPD is definitely not an excuse for an
affair. Unfortunately, I feel like my WH has decided that
his unhappiness and discontentment were the fault of me
and/or the marriage, rather than realizing they could have
been (and surely must have been related to) his illnesses.
He seems set on the idea that this makes it "okay" to carry
on with OW and do whatever he wants, and has done all the
usual A behavior, such as rewriting our history and life.

My IC has suggested that a support group for those with BPD
or family members would be a good thing, but since WH was
not interested in going and we now have no contact, I havn't
done this.

Slammed

Slammed....Sucks, huh?

Although she has no DUI's (knock on wood), the bumpers on W's newer SUV are bent, dinged and scratched from all the poles, walls, etc. that she has bumped into. Currently, if I find out where she is at and drinking, either I or a friend makes sure she is picked up so that she doesn't drive anymore.

Some BP's will take responsibility for their actions, some will use it as an excuse and a crutch. Some (like my W) do both. She takes reponsibilty for her indiscrestions, yet blames the outcomes on things such as mania and drunkeness from depression.

Total teenager B.S.

We have a new med in our house today.....Buspar, and an increase in Seroquel. Should help the anxiety as well as help the AD's work better. The Seroquel helps sleep and since it's an anti-psychotic is supposed to keep the voices in her head away.

Any engaged people reading this should realize, the divorce rate for BP's is about 90%. If you are considering marrying a BP, be prepared for things you are not prepared for.

callie,
Thanks for your response. She's been good about going to her IC. They practice uses a nurse practitioner to prescribe meds not psych doc.(worries me a bit) but the original prescription came from pysch doc in hospital.

The problem with myself is that as long as I know she's on the chat line I have a hard time not thinking about it. I'm try to catch her while she's doing it so I don't have to let her know I'm snooping. I don't have a key logger/sniffer on the computer so I don't know what exactly she saying, except for emails (I know her pw) and seeing the url in history.
Until it stops I think I'll continue to have a hard time.


hangingtough,
Thanks for the info.
I don't think my W would like her hair to fall out, how long before this side effect happened?

My wife says she is feeling much better than she has for a long time, she's been on it for 12 days. No major side effects seen yet. I don't think she drank anytime in 6 days now, but still hasn't started AA or BPD support group.

Slammed,
Thanks for sharing your story. I know the BPD is part cause, but not the only cause with my W. I do worry that the chat-phone with eventually turn into a PA, like your WH. My wife switches back from blaming herself to blaming me for not being supportive enough. I have been trying to keep calm, have no LBs and meet her ENs, which I've had to guess at (she hasn't filled out the questionnaire but has verbally told me some info).

Thanks,
jmm

I think the illnesses can't help but have been a big factor
in my WH's feeling unhappy and discontent and seeking to
find relief elsewhere- whether it's been the OW, porn, or
alcohol, however he still insists it's me and the marriage.
Since he said nothing about that at the time and has never
come up with any specifics that he was unhappy about with
either me or the marriage I have to believe much of this
reasoning is the typical WS "rewriting" of history and
convenient memory that forgets all the happy and good times,
but still it's hard not to take it personally.

Since we're in Plan B now I'm not around to see how WH is
doing as far as meds and behavior, but from the insurance
paperwork we receive it appears he is still going to his IC.
Don't know if it's doing any good though, last time I went
with him he appeared to have the IC believing a lot of the
b.s. about him "wanting to be alone, on his own", and on
deflecting all attention from his affair.

From what I could tell, when still around him, I felt like
the Serequel/Lexapro was just not doing that much for him.
His mood was less fluctuating but he was still just as down,
negative and grouchy as always. Can't say his "impulse
control" is necessarily under control either, as he still
makes very poor decisions and spends money on things he
can't afford and doesn't need. Having BPD, OCD, and signs
of mid-life crisis as well are a really bad combination...

I believe WH's alcohol use has been an "escape" mechanism
used when his anxiety and stress or unhappiness are very
high, and because he has little impulse control, he ends
up not realizing when he's had enough, and it's resulted in the DUI's. His IC, his Dr, and the alcohol counselor at the classes he attended have all said he is not actually an alcoholic but does have "alcohol issues". I always thought his behavior strange, as far as drinking, because he'd go months at a time without ever having a drink, despite our having a fully-stocked bar at home, but then go out on
what I'd call a "binge" several nights or weekends in a row.
You'd think he'd know better by now, but I'm not sure that
the whole scary legal situation, costs, and most recently
losing his license for a year are his "hitting rock bottom".

Glad your W is letting you meet some needs, and your being
a calm and supportive "rock" have to be a great help, even
if she doesn't realize it at the time. Hang in there,
Slammed

at home, but then have an isolated incident

I'll have to tell WH toolman to read your thread. He's busy trying to convince everyone that his life is miserable because he's married to me, the non-med-compliant BPD wife.

I still keep waiting to see him explain the rationale for his diagnosis, but he continues to just deflect. I've decided that the successful marriage rate when one spouse THINKS the other is BP, then the "non BP" spouse goes out and screws 20 year olds when he's 44, is nil.

Best of luck to all of you dealing with a BP spouse. I keep trying to read your stories to see myself in them, but it's just not happening.

Bump. I think there are several of us with BPD spouses. Can we help eachother??

Hi....

I have a mild case of BPD with OCD in regard to thoughts. I've been in counseling and on a combination of meds. for about 5 years now.

I know that my BPD has led to problems within our marraige...I do have to say in my own defense when my WS says "let's face it you're the one with the mental illness" that I am a highly functioning BP.

It didn't happen overnight and my marraige certainly suffered because of it. I know when I had my first and only "psychotic episode" it meant the world to me that he was there. The world. I will always, always, always be grateful to him for connecting to me even when I was so incredibly frightened...I had no clue what was happening to me...I thought I was losing my mind...and that it was being taken over by demonic forces to some extent.

Stress is a trigger.
I have learned to be a much much better self manager.
I realize know that I truly can care for my self on all levels and what resposibility my WS had and "role" my WS played.

Today his OW has BP untreated. He hasn't made the connection that he is dependent on being "needed." He wants someone to lean and depend on him...it gives him power as well. Some one who can tend to be emotionally up and down...confused by intense feelings and unable to control them...can easily be manipulated by a dominating, angry person.

I give you all credit for hanging in there with your spouses. I think very highly of you all. I believe that doesn't mean you should consider to suffer as a caretaker of a patient...however...you may reap the benefits of a BP getting healthier and finding their strength threatens a certain "power" within your marital relationship. So as the BP gets healthier...you have to let go of being a caretaker.

Well...my WS just found another BP...and is taking care of her...he is in turmoil presently and on the rollercoaster...I'm calm, stable and not very interesting in some ways compared to the banshee that would show up sometimes.

The "highs" we're fun..for him and me...and he missed them once I didn't get nearly so "high"...(manic)...which can actually become scarry...he needed his relationship fix in a way...the healthier I got...(which he claimed he wanted)...the more difficult it was for him to change...he identified with the role of "caretaker"...it was very satisfying for him.

He has untreated adult ADD. I also think he has NPD...Narcissitic Personality Disorder...but I'm the one with the "mental illness"...let me just say...we all have something.

Self medicating is real...stopping the use of alcohol was very difficult for me...but I have...it took a long time...if I even have one drink...I'm miserable...

Again, I have the upmost respect for those who stand by...be firm though (personal boundries)...you want your marraige to be healthy for you...love yourself as much as you love your spouse.

I'll check in later...I have plenty of opinion and experience...and ask me anything...if I can help...

LWP36 - thanks for posting! Can you tell me of any good forums to go to dealing with BPD? Also, you seem to be in successful in treating your BPD. Can you tell me how long it took to get on the correct meds (did you have to try different ones?). Also, can you tell me how the meds made a difference for you in the way that you act and the way that you feel on a daily basis? Can you tell what your triggers are as far as what causes you to be manic and depressed? H and I were lead to believe that meds would make a world of difference in his thinking / actions / behavior / impulse control. It has not and I'm wondering if I'm expecting too much.

Did meds help with your self medicating or was it just a conscious choice to stop? Do you have a psych doc. and are you in IC? Sorry for the questions, my H was just diagnosed in May. We're still trying to find the answers. If you read any of my posts in another thread you can maybe get a feel for where my H is. Thanks so much for your help! It is interesting to hear from someone who has been successful in treating this. I look forward to hearing from you.

Callie 1-
I hope some of my answers will be helpful. If you would like to start a separate post go ahead...surely I don't want to thread jack...

LWP36 - as a spouse living with someone who is newly diagnosed with BPD, what do you suggest that I do to help him. Pretty much everything dealing with BPD has been somewhat "forced" on him by me, IC and GP. He questions whether he even has it. I am beating my head against a wall daily with him. He does not know himself at all, he really has no interest in learning about this mental illness. He does want to "feel better", but he doesn't want to put the work into it that he needs too for this to successfully happen.

Basically he will take whatever pills someone tells him to take, beyond that he tries to shove everything under the rug to "make it go away."

I've tried specifically pointing out manic / depressive phases that he's in. If I point them out he can see them / agree with them. He can not figure this out on his own and as of now he won't take the time to try.

As his wife, what more can I do? How can I help him? Again, he was just diagnosed about 4 months ago, has been on depakote.