My story continues....we are going on almost three months of plan A. He tells me he's glad we are giving our marriage another chance, he tells me he loves me, we are making genuine progress. A few days ago he even handed me the other phone he was using to occasionally contact OW. That doesn't mean that he won't still occasionally contact her, or she him for that matter, but I can at least check to see when on our cell phone records, that is if he doesn't use another phone. I have checked the cell phone records and compared them with my journal writings. The days that I knew he was in touch with her(my intuitions are very strong) are the days that he lied to me about contact. I have proof that he was lying while I asked him if he had contacted her during such and such a day and hour. He lied!

I have made it clear that contact with OW is non-negotiable in my book and crosses a very firm boundary that I will not tolerate if we are to continue rebuilding our marriage.

So my reason for today's post is to ask if I should let WS know that I have a timeline before we begin plan B? We are half way there and, although I see progress in our marriage, I cannot and will not tolerate being lied to. Should I tell him that we will move on to plan B in three months if he hasn't proven to me that he has ceased lying?

BTW....He doesn't see her, because we moved away, but the phone contact is still something that happens occasionally. Thank you for any and all feedback.

Timeline aside, how are you going to get him to leave so that you can implement Plan B? If your date comes and he's still there, your date is meaningless.

Also, did you ever contact the OW's H to verify exposure?

WAT

I will ask him to leave and find another place to stay. He may end up letting OW know and she may move in with him.....who knows? I suppose they deserve each other if they both can't stop lying to their spouses.

Plan B should come out of nowhere as far as the WS is concerned ... a flash point of sudden consequences...

don't discuss timelines

Pep

Have you prepared for Plan B?

If you have, what have you done?

Pep

WAT....no, not yet. Confrontation terrifies me and I was hoping that since contact with OW is beginning to deminish that I wouldn't be forced to contact OW's H. Call me a coward. I'm still reeling from Dday and am trying to just get through each day hoping to move forward in my marriage.

Pep....no, plan B is something I am just beginning to explore, because quite honestly I didn't think I've have to look at it as an option. So now I will try to come up with a solid plan to protect myself in all ways I can and should.

Life is such a bowl of cherries, isn't it? The pits sometimes!!

Thanks for the responses.

A recovered marriage has no room for cowards!

Recovery is HARD.

really
REALLY HARD

if you can't muster the courage to expose an ongoing affair ... you might not see the value in radical honesty that real recovery demands.

Your old marriage is DEAD.
It's never going to be the same.


Your recovered marriage, should you get there, requires you to be a new woman. With new marriage skills.

Better start now... by feeling like a coward, but doing the task anyway.

Pep

Yes, you're right. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and many things I've dealt with up to this point in my life have been so very challenging, which have helped me to become stronger. Perhaps all leading to this current challenge.

I have exposed the affair to a few others, family members and friends, both of OW and WS. OW husband knows of affair and quite possibly knows that there is still occasional contact between the two. So I will muster up more courage to call him.....I actually dialed the number I have to be sure it was a working number...it is.

I think I'm gonna' go throw up now!

throw up

and then make the call

it's NOT easy

it's UGLY

but

just like changing poopy diapers

someone's got to do it or else the room is going to stink!

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

watching and praying with you. Do what is right.

if you still believe then it matters.

Plan A has to include exposure in order to be effective. If you don't expose the affair, you are aiding and abetting the affair. Exposure is simply the most effective weapon you have against this affair and there is not much hope here if you don't tell her H. Why are you helping the OW hide the affair like this?

Plan B should not be approached until you have done a proper Plan A, which includes exposure.

Confrontation might "terrify" you, but do you really have the luxury right now to entertain your fears when your marriage is headed for the rocks because of an uninterrupted affair? I am surprised you aren't as afraid of divorce because that is where you are headed if you don't bust up this little harem.


ummmmmmmm, but you ARE tolerating it. So I am confused about what you mean here.

Good girl! Hopefully, you got through to him and gave him the evidence. He can be a valuable ally in busting up this affair. If this doesn't stop it, I would start calling his parents, her parents, and possibly employers.

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