Here's the skinny:
My wife and I have been married for just over a year and have been living together for over three years. I am 25 years of age and she is 24.
I didn't see anything wrong in our relationship - we NEVER fight and when there were disagreements, we would work them out amicably through discussion. I do all the laundry, cleaning, dishes, trash collection – basically all of the housework so she doesn’t have to lift a finger.
Long story short, one night she tells me that she's not in love with me anymore and has felt this way for about two years (even before the wedding). After asking her several questions regarding why, what happened, where is this coming from, etc. (she dodged them all), I finally asked her if she was in love with someone else, to which she replied "no." I then asked her if she had been cheating on me, and she owned up to it. She had cheated on me twice (she says) with a co-worker; once while I was home on a Saturday and two weeks later when I was out of town. She eventually told me his name, age (32) and where he lives (not the street address, just the suburb).
We had been planning on going on vacation with her family that next week, and she was still dead-set on going. I told her I wasn’t going anywhere and that it was up to her whether or not she wanted to go. She went, leaving me at home alone to think about all that was happening in our marriage, all while she was lounging on the beach. That week was the worst for me – I had no one to talk to and would bounce back and forth between severe depression and blinding rage.
When she got back, I asked her all the questions I had been hoarding in my brain during my week of solitude. She still said she felt no love for me as a husband anymore and that she considered me to be more of a best-friend relation. I told her I would NEVER do to a best-friend what she did to me; ergo I did not accept her explanation.
She is willing to give marriage counseling a shot. We have our first session scheduled for next week.
But questions still wrack my brain, and every time I bring up the adultery and start scrutinizing, she gets angry and asks when I’m going to let it go. FOR PETE’S SAKE, IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN TWO WEEKS.
What really bites is that we are still under the same roof – and I’m sleeping on the couch. She says she “doesn’t mind” if I sleep in the bed with her, but I don’t want to go back until she WANTS me there. She also trolls around the apartment as if nothing has changed, still calling me the pet names she uses. It hurts every time she does that, because it makes me realize what a fraud she has been during our whole marriage and how I’ve been played for a fool.
Today she told me she confronted the OM and told him it was over, that we were working things out, and not to contact her anymore unless it's work-related. I find this gesture on her part unacceptable and lacking concreteness. I need something more tangible.
I still have more questions for her regarding her infidelity. Mostly I want to find out the true identity of the OM, because I have pretty good evidence it was a 47-year old co-worker of hers instead of the 32-year old. I found a cell phone number in her phone belonging to this 47-year old, whom she happened to call on the days she was sleeping around, as well as the two days prior (I corroborated this by checking her cell phone bill).
I want to confront her about OM’s true identity and present the potentially incriminating evidence to reveal her further deceit, but I don’t want to jeopardize anything prior to the counseling. I feel like I have a right to know, but I don’t know if my sifter is big enough for all the bull she’s probably been throwing my way. I suspect she lied to me about his true identity to protect him for whatever reason, but I have to know the truth. I won’t be at peace until I know for sure.
Any feedback would be swell. I apologize if I haven’t been clear enough in my post – I just need an open ear and some sound advice to assuage the tempest raging in my head.
Thanks in advance.
