I just found out that my children were told that I had an PA with my SIL. They were told by wife.

It is not true and now they are lashing out at me from time to time and I know why now. She has poisoned them.

What a low blow?

How to handle this??????

Can u give a brief recap? How old are the children? What is the reason for such a lie to one's own children?

L.

If you want to read all my post some are under "Neverenuff" and others on "nevergivinup".

My daughters are 17 & 16.

she said she has not proof of a PA but hanging out with SIL was sneaky and her calling me on my cell was too. It forced her to fall out of love with me and also because my daughters wanted to know how come i was hanging with my SIL.

ngu,

You have admitted to your wife and this board that you had a long term EA with your SIL. In fact, the conflict over that relationship was pivotal in the conflict and destruction of your marriage. Is it really a surprise to you that your wife suspects that it was PA? If I were you.....I'd be honest with my daughters and SUPPORT your wife: "Daughters, I can certainly see why your mother is suspicious that the relationship with SIL went farther than it did. I had an inappropriate and time consuming friendship with SIL that was cruel and unfair to your mother. I'm sorry for that. It never became physical....that much is true (only say that if it IS true) but I neglected your mother and her anger is justified. Even though it never became physical....it took energy and time from my relationship with your mother.....and that was wrong of me....and I regret it."

star*bump

Star,

I have said that to my children, well not exactly in your words but very similar. I have to deal with more....

Last night she told me she is moving the children out in two weeks.....

Now what???? is there a chance?????

Confess the truth to them. Tell them, "yes, I did a terrible thing. I had an affair with your aunt and drove your mother out of our marriage by my continued refusal to end the affair."

Just try the truth, never, it will work wonders. They don't need to hear if it was physical or not, an affair is an affair. But they have a right to know what broke up their family and that they cannnot trust their aunt.

Already done, not i have to wait and see the fall out.....

Well, you can't realistically expect to get roses and big kisses for this news. Your children will naturally be upset at what you have done to their family.

Instead of worrying about yourself, why not focus on the pain they are feeling? How are your kids dealing with all this?

Well they are all moving out, not because of the news of what my WW said but because she needs to be with thme and I will not leave.

She left two months ago, again not on any suspicion but because she said she does not love me any more.

I have been plan Aing for 5 months now.

I had an EA with SIL and not a PA.

I have told the children but WW is poisoning the and making them lie.

I know that she tells them things that are not true, she also has them check up on me, looking at what I do and check my cell phones etc. Try to listen to my phone calls.

Is this normal?

I have to say, NGU, that it would be normal for your BW to not trust you and to want others to check up on you.. YOU did this. What she did is not right, but it's a direct consequence of your actions. You don't like it? Too bad. And I'm saying this as a FWW. I know full well what it's like to not be trusted and to be checked up on. Get used to it, if you really want your marriage to work, because it's only what you have earned.

So the kids are moving out but not your wife? and they're moving out because you won't? Is this right? Or is your wife moving also?

Anyway, it's too bad your BW is involving the children, I don't think that's good for them, but I do see why she doesnt' trust you. Are you doing things to earn her trust back?

I agree with being truthful to all your family all the time.