I am planning to marry after being a widow for more than three years. My children think I am moving too fast. I have known this man for 6 months and know that we have a wonderful relationship. we plan to live together before marrying. My teenage daughter is not dealing with this well. I need some advice.

Listen to your daughter.... How old is she? How old are you other children? The absolute quickest way to END a relationship or have a miserable existance is not to have the support and cooperation of your children. They will make your and your fiance's life miserable.

I, personally, think that 6 months is a little quick. That being said I think your daughter is telling you one of two things:

1. That she see's some not so good things in Mr Wonderful and she thinks you are moving too fast to see them.

2. That you are moving too fast for her. And afterall isn't your first obligation to raising your children...?

Heck, if'n your kids are all teenagers then what is the rush anyway. Enjoy the latter years that they are with you and then move forward with your marriage.

That all being said, have you and Mr Wonderful read many books and came to an understanding on what his LIMITED role is as a step-parent to a teenager?

Thanks for your post on my question.
I do want you to know that being in your 50's and having faced the death of a spouse makes you see things differently.
But, I am trying to talk to the spoiled teen that I have. she has had all my attention and I have bought her just about anything she wanted during the last three years and I have to think that is one of the reasons that she is reacting like she is.
But any advice is always appreciated. Sometimes it is hard to see things from a different view.

PK..... You are correct in that we have faced different obstacles in life however some things are pretty universal. For example, HIS limited role as a step-parent to your spoiled teen. I do hope that you don't intend to bring him in to lasso her or whatever. His role is limited. Please please do your research on this and read up on step parenting, otherwise you are going to make the situation worse.

Now let's look at this from the childs perspective. Spoiled or not, she lost her father. She lost her security blanket in that. As a coping skill you replaced that security with you and chose to spoil her in the process. Now, in her eyes, you are taking that security away as well. The thinking may not sound logical to you but to her this compares to the death of her father, she may feel that now she is loosing her mother or that her mother is trying to replace her father with someone she's only known for 6 months. Further, if she's acting out about it, it's probably out of fear. Fear of loosing you, fear of the unknown (she does not know this man), and fear of how she is going to be treated. Calming those fears should be a priority for you.

Some of that calming will come through time as she gets to know the new guy. Some of it can come from y'alls interaction while he is around. And some of it can come from a clear understanding of what things will be like. She needs some assurances of what this new guys role is in HER life....... And at her teenage age, his role should be a distant watcher and not a disciplinarian or not a father.