I just got served with the D papers at work today. WH gave me no forewarning. Then again, WH gave me no forewarning on the A so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. But- I was. I had to get some fresh air and sob/ vent to a co-worker. Ironically, I'm preparing for trial myself. We begin tomorrow.

Sigh, this journey has been so difficult. I don't know if I'll ever get over the shock.

I just made an appt with my IC for this Friday. Waiting until Sept. would have been too grueling.

Does life get any easier?

I'm having a tough day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

There are no QUICK FIXES

Take it one day at a time, you will get through this.

It won't be easy ... Hang in there.

You need to accept responsibilty for what has happened,
and then get on with your life.

You had a life before the marriage, and will have a life
after the divorce.

I will tell you what worked for me Married 13 years, divorced SUPRISE/ THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.

Trying times lay ahead.

BUT YOU'LL BE OKAY!!!

Relationship Advice

hi ready,

Keep your chin up. If it makes you feel any less alone, my wife just came by yesterday and collected papers for our divorce. She will be serving me shortly.

Do you still feel guilty? What have you learned through all this? Will you be able to share that with others when the time comes?

Concentrate on what and where you can give to others over the next couple months, because I believe that is where your healing lies.

I believe things will get better for you, ready. I know because your faith is in Christ. Keep Him first and no matter the ups and downs of life you will always be in His grace. You know what I mean, because you've felt it all along and Jesus has been ministering to your heart. Let the waves roll you over a few times, don't fight it, feel it all and take it to Christ. Read Philippians. Paul considers his sufferings all joy because he knows it makes him a better, more faithful man in the long run.

You're all about the long run, ready. And you will outlast these hard times.

Hi BC and Corinth,

Thank you for your kind words and support. Aside from d-day, today was probably the hardest day of my life. Yes, I still feel guilty, even today. It's hard not to blame myself for a lot of WH's unhappiness in our M. I never knew that WH was unhappy enough to leave me.

I've have gained a wealth of knowledge since April. I've learned that the H that I married is no longer the H that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've learned that I've been deceived by him. His core values are non-existent. Though the tears have been plenty, I have gained a lot of wisdom that will make me a better wife to my next husband. I've learned that God's plan is far better than mine. I've learned to rely on God to carry me through some of life's darkest moments. I've learned that true friends are priceless. I've learned that I deserve better. Most importantly, I've learned to let go.

I keep reminding myself that things will have to get better because they certainly can't get any worse. This is the worse I've ever felt.

The trials of my M have strengthened my faith in Christ. My WH might have let me down but I know that God will not.

Corinth,
I'm sorry that you're in the same phase I am. Our WS' are so lost. You are so much stronger than me at this stage.

God Bless,

hello ready,

boy, I wish I were further along. You should see my other post. haha. I'm just trying to make some sense of things as I go along, with God's grace.

Strangely, I had a dream last night that my wife realized she could not be with this other man any longer. She was talking to me and it was as if her spirit wasn't as heavy anymore. I can't explain it. The place was light, too, not sunset, but the kind of light just before that when everything is gleaming and reflective but the light is also fading. Between her and I was nothing like now, all the walls had been broken down somehow. There wasn't the animosity that currently hangs over us. I simply listened as she talked about her mistake, she wasn't exactly apologizing but she was aware. It was a good dream.

I don't know why I'm writing this, just something I thought of, I guess. Maybe someday our WS's will come to their own realization about what they are doing. I'm sorry to hear this is such a hard time for you. Take care.

Thanks, Corinth.

I've been so busy at work that I haven't been checking MB as often as I did before. I just found your other post. I've posted my response.

I had a dream about a month ago where I awoke with a lighter feeling. In my dream, WH finally came to realization of what he had done. He didn't repent of his sin but he acknowledged his wrong-doing. Immediately following the dream, I felt like the weight of the A had been lifted from me. The dream seemed so real, so tangible. I felt such a huge wave of relief wash over me. Unfortunately, that feeling was temporary.

For a BS, it's hard to fathom how our WS would have the capability to treat M like nothing by committing adultery and choosing the OW/OM over their spouse. That's pathetic.

I guess I had too much faith in my H. I thought I married a man that would be quick to admit his faults and mistakes. WH has never admitted nor apologized for all the hurt he's caused me. All I want is a sincere apology.

I know what you mean about an apology. Such a simple thing. But I guess that would mean admitting guilt, and then the world of entitlement comes crashing down. It will be interesting to see how things shake out for our WS's. I won't hold my breath for anything, it's her life now, but I truly wonder how people like her can live with themselves. I mean, gimme a break, it's not like stealing a pack of gum or something, this is adultery. Heavy stuff, my friend.

How hard is it to say "I'm sorry?" That's all I want to hear. Obviously, it's too difficult for our WS'. They are too prideful.

I am puzzled how WH can look in the mirror everyday after choosing this path. How WH can go to work everyday and face his boss who knows about the ongoing A? I am confused how WH can worship on Sundays at his "new" church. It's a sick life he's leading.

Adultery is huge. It's serious. How can a WS continue down this path? It's been my question since d-day.

Never expect to see remorse or hear "I'm sorry". You may get it someday but count that as a blessing not an expectation. You see, if they say I am sorry. They have to reflect and wonder what they are sorry about?
About betraying someone that loved them unconditionally, about breaking their vows to that person and Almight God, about sinning, about hurting children and forever changing their lives due to their selfish entitlement, about destroying friendships and families, about financially destroying the family, about forsaking everything for a person they barley know, who is a fantasy (they will find out), about becoming immoral, losing integrity, reputation, about becoming a pathological liar, about, about, about..

So, you see, to say I am sorry means looking in the mirror at this person they have become. They can't do this. There is too much guilt and reality associated with that and their fantasy bubble may burst. So, never expect to hear I am sorry or anything else along the lines of remorse. You may get it someday (if they get it!) but don't wait on it. You will likely be disappointed.

Ready2wait....I too was in your position. I am divorced....and happily moving on my way. We have been divorced for 4 years and I too wanted a sincere apology, a heartfelt sorry. My ex would (ALWAYS) say after I am sorry a statement such as: the affair, it was biology. The lies, that is what you do in an affair. Stealing money, I was using my money the way I wanted to. ETC. My marriage was 25 years.

Getting over the shock, does come in time. There is going to be much pain, when you go to the courts. To see all the other couples there dividing up. I looked at each one and their eyes. My ex didn't look at anyone, just kept reading his book. I tried to have contact with his eyes, but he was DONE!!!

You are quite young, and you can start over. It is going to take determination on your part, and the best thing to do is look okay. Don't go into the whoes is me sort of thingy. Keep yourself on track by working, working out is great during this time ( walked 3-5 miles a day with my dog) I lost 20#s and was in great shape, my dog was in great shape. I took this time to talk to God. If I had the sense I would of had a walkman and listened to christian music to sing to. I walked in rain, cold, snow, & thunderstorms, I didn't care what the weather was, I WALKED!!!! It helped me, for when I got back I would take a long hot shower and suds up really well, wash my hair and relax in PJ's and I felt okay. I knew I was doing this for my health, and my body was in fantastic shape.

Make sure you have a good lawyer. I went on the advice of some people to use this lawyer, and he was a jerk. I ended up sueing him, for his conduct with my bank and my kids bank accounts...and I won. Anyways, if I could do it over, I would of went with the gut instinct of the female lawyer I went to during the divorce. That is written in books, to go with your gut instinct.

You will make it and you will be proud of yourself. It takes time, determination and relization that your husband is wanting out.

Goodluck....Blessings.

Ready,

You will get through this and in the end, you will be a stronger person. I promise you that.

Keith

Thank you, Corinth, Hopeandpray, LoveInHim, and Keith,

I want off this rollercoaster- now! I discovered some info today that has tied my stomach into knots. I posted in the Gen Ques.

I just want to get through this chapter of my life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />