My answers:<P>No. 1) no, I would never even think about leaving, never have... I am not a/the quiter, and I feel there is nothing that can`t be concured between two people... all it takes is total openess and honesty from the very beginning.. you loose that, then you loose everythihng...<P>No. 2) no, again, never would I have, or will ever cheat on any one... (being my stbx did to me, and this being his second time doing so, married twice, and he *is* now gone, and not coming back) even my future (whom ever) SO, will be treated as always, with total openess and honesty and loyalty.. I pride my self on this, and live by it... It is a/the quality, I now look for in a person... <P>No. 3)I don`t have to think about having an affair.. My stbx is gone, and as far as it goes, there is no sign of reconciling.. so my answer to this one is, no... I would never do that, could never do that and will never do that.. but!, Having had it done to me, YES you do **think** about it, while the pain is there, and it is happening to you but, for me, I could only think about it, doing it is another thing, and playing games I feel only confuses/screws up, the mind even more so, making things wourse... <P>No. 4) this one is hard for me... I want to say absoluty yes.. but knowing my stbx as it stands, I`d have to say no... I do love this man, erternally.. in side my heart, for all I *knew* him for, (past tence) but now, knowing after living it/this with him, and (had already) known his past, I was blinded by his lust for life.. and didn`t see then, his inabilities for emotional support... lack of abilities for any real and meaningful communication... and could never trust or know in my heart what real true honesty is with him any longer.. as I said in NO.1) you loose the ability to talk, you loose everything..<P>it seems now, any thing *I* have to say, any more, is being bounced off his wall.. and I now do not matter to him any more..<BR>That is the unfortunate reality for me.. <BR>what a nice feeling after 15 yrs teogether... knowing I would have done anything to have had this all trun around for us..<P>AV

good qestions Pod, I wouldn't leave my spouse, i do not wish to have an affair, I would do things differently, and yes i would marry her all over again. I hope she only gives me another chance. I do so love her...and am afraid of not finding another like her. we could grow together if only she would like to try. right now she is involved with another married man- she deserves so much better than some second hand love.I only wish she could recongnize that.<BR>

I agree with covenent, they are good questions, fist I would NEVER cheat on my husband, I made the vows and was never once tempted to do otherwise and can't see myself cheating, just not my style. I don't think I would go back either, my head wasn't in a good place then, either. I was in the midst of a terrible depression and suicide had crossed my thoughts too many times. The stickler question in all of this is would I marry him again? I just don't know. It has nothing to do with my life with him, it has more to do with me as a person. I think I was just beginning to become an independent person when I met him and that I didn't have enough time to know me. The fact that I was just learning to stand on my own two feet again after my first really horrible marriage and that I wasn't completely together didn't help our marriage when things started to get strained again. I love him very much and would marry him all over again, but I don't think I would do so quickly as I did. I think I would be myself a little more and let me be independent for awhile!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>