She's coming over from another forum.

I hope you can get in.

How can I help you?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />Thank you mimi1254

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />I'm a little embarrassed

I feel so funny kinda now...Help!, Help! hee hee...but things at MB have been so true and have helped me so much..on a day to day basis...that sure...anyone want to help join in....and give your 2 cents that would be great...

For months folks here have suggested I post on GQII...only I didn't know how...

I've gotten so much help from MB already,
...Yeah I guess I'm looking for help because I've certainly come this far...might as well keep going because it helps and I feel good about myself and what I'm becoming...

Presently just starting this thread was terrific MIMI1254!!...I would like to just keep posting

WS is trying to seperate from me to be with OW now... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I'm taking a lot of Larousse's advice presently...it's getting me through..and giving me hope...

It's so nice to be in the big room. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If anyone wants to they can read my old posts...

It is late and I must sleep...but I'll be back tomm.

Goodnight to all these wonderful people here trying to help save marraiges...

LWP36

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hooray <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I borrowed this post of yours from the other board.

As others said, you probably don't want to tell WH this information you obtained about. However, using it to play with his and OW's insecurities can result in some affair love busting. I also know communicating with your WH much has been difficult but thought you might use some of the following:

1. Mention in passing you read an article about affair relationships that stated statistically that affair partners after 2 years are something like 80% likely to be back with their betrayed spouse. It then goes on to state that 15% end up divorced and single and only 5% end up married to their affair partner. After 5 years, only 2% of them are still together. Then tell him "If I were you I'd be keeping a close eye on OW's Husband".

2. If he says anything about OW's H not wanting anything to do with OW and he wants a divorce ask him where did he hear that, from OW, mmmmmm. (then give a crap eating grin like you know something he doesn't know).

3. If he says OM told him he can have her...say, "interesting strategy", I want to save our marrigae too...will you tell OW that she can have you too?

I don't know...just some fun mind games I thought may help.

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- Has your lawyer looked over my earlier posts??? Was I in the ballpark??

Mr. Wondering,

Thanks for your suggestions. I like them.

I'll try them...keeping to my thoughts and my plan...and not getting sucked into his...that's key here!

I'm not seeing him much these days...he hasn't been coming home until after I'm asleep and leaves before I get up.

I believe...he has coffee with OW in next town every morning before she goes to work.

HOW PUBLIC!!!

He is unbelievable...well he isn't married anymore, at all in his mind...he is just doing what he wants...sees me as stonewalling so he is just going to do what he wants anyway. silly.

Mr. Wondering,

p.s.- Has your lawyer looked over my earlier posts??? Was I in the ballpark??

I'm sorry, she hasn't looked at the post, however I explained your post...she agrees with your take.

My WS laughed. However he never did come back to me (after consulting with FIL...I'm sure) to attempt to debunk the arguement.

When the time is right, I'll whip out the paper with the numbers...next time I see attorney I'll give them to her also.

He is willing to give me $100,000.00 cash if I move out and then some reduction in spousal support then he would give me CS...and my car. He would absorb our debt...$60,000 loan from dad (doubt he'll have to pay it), $140,000. home equity loan, $24,000 college loan.

I must admit I really like this idea...I could live in a manageable home "in the black" for the first time in my life.

I won't have all the "prestige" the big house brings my WS...nor will I have the headache of it.

I really feel like letting him go and moving on. This will be my topic today with my IC.

It is like I'm doing a balancing act between getting on with my life, getting over the old life, starting a new one...going down punching?? Fighting until the end...It is a funny dance in the heart...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Hey, LW, you look good on GFII !

How are you doing?

xx

The biggest mistake most wives make is taking the house they can't afford in lieu of all or most of the other assets. You can't eat and/or sleep in prestige.

It appears already your husband is being more reasonable. His desparation for a quick and easy split is coming in handy. The switch from alimony to more CS is great too as alimony is usually taxable to you whereas CS is not. If you ever do come to an agreement and actually divorce try to have your attorney sneak in a provision which states that your alimony payments must be continued to be paid to your estate even if you die during the alimoney payment period. If you can sneak that by him and his attorney I believe the IRS will NOT consider it true "alimony" which you have to then pay taxes on. It is then viewed more as a property settlement payment despite it being termed "alimony". Your STBXH can't deduct it and you don't have to pay taxes on it.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - I still hope you can bust up the affair with some advice here on GQII and THEN find your real husband somewhere in that alien infected body of his.

Bonjour larousse- I'm doing really well today for the most part...

Hi Mr. Wondering...I agree...I'm ready to let go of the "big house."

HUSBAND JUST DRAINED BANK ACCOUNT...

I asked him if he would agree to rehiring our cleaning lady because in the "big house" we always had one until last year when I offered to clean to save money...hoping to please him to meet a Emotional Need.

Didn't matter...still is annoyed...and now that I'm going to student teach...well it is too much!!!

He said NO...absolutely not...I called later and told him I got a gift of cash and so not to worry I will be able to afford a cleaning lady for a little while.

OH...he freaked...he called leaving a msg. better not be coming out of our acct. or your school loan...big trouble...also he said....give me a budget for your vacation so we can agree or you'll have nothing.

A little later I got home and HE DRAINED OUR CHECKING ACCT.!!!!!!!! He then said now you have to ask me for money for everything and you'll be forced to negotiatie with me for a settlement...he just wants me to make a quick deal.

He said he is under a lot of pressure making a lot of people upset...I told him "I'm fine."

Found out I can get a court order to pay me and children $.

Yikes.

Oh dear, I'm sorry. What a shock.

Just some comments while the veterans chim in*.

Keep calm.

Do you thing he's testing you? Indeed!

You can pass this examination.

This money control is typical WS behavior.

It may be not that bad to have to negotiate with
him if in the process you can show your new skills to comunicate your needs, to listen to his and to avoid love busters.

Nevertheless, I bet it could end not just draining the money account but your love bank.

Do you think you could read again some of the articles of the page to help you focus?

This thread about fog talk is starting here in GFII, you may find it helpfull.

[color:"green"]Link to Fog Talk thread [/color]

Feel confident, you have much more tools to deal with this.

((((LWP))))

I want to add...

Based on the information you got yesterday from OWS about OW crying and regreting her LS...

You can bet she's pressing him to acelerate the separation.

That may explain a lot of your WS increased bad mood and tantrums.

LWP, let OW cry, demand, acuse, make selfish demands.

Be the graceful, kind, honest and controled one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Bonjour larousse!

Oui, oui! Je comprends!

I'm getting it. I was calm...he was waiting to see me freak instead he tried to get me going and I didn't go <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I started doing a little babble back! I saw his face flush! I was getting to him. This is amazing!!

I'm feeling an incredible power...I didn't plug my ears, I stayed calm, nothing he said bothered me..hardly...we even had a few laughs in there...it was kinda fun...I was kinda even like come on...give me something good...something I can work with...yet my voice is calm, collected, sincere, not accepting blame...I put the one back in his court...AND he said later.."you wanted me to take control of the $ (actually work with me on a budget that kept us in the black) and that is what I'm doing...this ought to be a good learning experience for him...

can anyone say

BACKFIRE <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

hee, hee, hee...he is hiding out and his mom and dad's until late..cough...oh boy...this is going to be fun kinda...I'll have to be careful not to be cocky or proud or superior...I'm just NOT accepting "his story"..."his take" on our relationship..

Anybody remember the song on Sesame St. about 13 years ago...three pigs on stage signing...~~~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> [color:"orange"]I got a new kinda walk, walk, walk, I got a new kinda walk, walk, walk, I got a new kinda walk...and it shows I'm feeling fine [/color] .~~~~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Merci, Merci Beaucoup!
[color:"purple"]Vous êtes doux [/color]

You rock girl !!!!






<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

[color:"purple"]Dear Mimi1254,

Thank you for changing my Subject VERY MUCH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I appreciate all you've done for me! I'm happy to be in GQII now.

[/color]

Hi to all the wonderful MB folks,

OW walked by my house tonight. My WS must have told her I was out for the evening, which I was going to be, but I got caught up talking with a neighbor...

Low and behold...here she comes walking down the street with her three children an hour after my WS left for his parents house to hide out or whatever he does.

She didn't even know I could see her because I was on my neighbor's porch until ...she was staring at the "big house" no doubt fantasizing about her possible future there with my WS. Then she saw me and looked straight ahead according to my neighbor...I didn't look or say anything as she passed by.

Yuck. My WS seemed uncomfortable when he got home at 11:45pm...could hardly say anything. I'm sure he was hoping I was in bed already. I know he must be spending so much time at his folks proving to OW that he isn't spending time with me.

Anyway...annoying. It looks real messy. It lacks class...don't you think??

It's so obvious then it isn't just about my WS it is about her envisioning herself here in the "big house."

That is why my WS was flushed probably...she was giving away big time their hope to be here together.

In the end I WILL NOT BE GOING 2nd CLASS SO THAT OW and WS CAN CONTINUE BEING 1ST...that is after I move out...when will that be...let me see...hmmmmmmm...really can't say...

Feeling anxious are we??

So howz this sound? :

BS: Did you see that note from the police?

Ws: What note?

BS: The one about peeping Tom's in this neighborhood. Seems there's this lady street walking and staring at people's homes. Creepy isn't it? (try hard NOT to laugh).

Ws: I didn't hear about that.

BS: Oh yea, several in the neighborhood saw her. Not sure how many homes she has hit in the last few weeks. They say she tries to pretend she is walking her children but then she stops, galks into people's homes. Imagine that?!?!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

WS: She sounds creepy.

BS: Yea, that's what the police wanted to know.

Ws: Oh, did you talk with them?

BS: Not yet but I will.....soon.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks Orchid,

I called and said exactly what you said.

He wanted me to read the note.

He said I think your talking about OW and your making a complete a** out of yourself.

Anyway I did say I would contact them...soon.

He was just laughing.

I know he was having coffee with her when I called.

Fools.

WS just stopped by...

Not feeling quite so tough. My little lie didn't hold up. I told him it is insensitive for her to walk by. I told him the two of them can continue to be insensitive and selfish and think of no body else and ignore my feelings...that is their choice.

He exhausts me a little. He just sees things as he sees them and is like a wall. I just keep saying what I say. He is quick and witty and it is exhausting talking with him.

I did open up and tell him how I accept responsibility for our marraige being in need of repair prior to the A. I also told him that the A was his choice and not because the marraige was in need of repair. He did agree that the A was his choice but that he was vunerable to one. He still sees himself as giving our marraige his all right up until that point...accept he had started to stop all together trying to care for my emotional needs at all. This is when I was getting my bipolar illness under control. He said my emotional neediness was a bottomless pit that no man on Earth could ever fullfill. He may be right. I didn't refute that. I just said I've learned to manage and care for my own emotional wellness.

Huh...he keeps saying...after the agreement and seperation do you think you can be civil to me?

"Can you keep the kids out of this...I can," he says

I'm leaving for vacation tomm. morn.

I'm a little flat right now...going to work on getting ready and getting excited...focusing on my trip.

WS just visited...wanted to give me $ for vacation...wanted to lecture me first and make me ask for it...I wouldn't...told him it's coercin and I don't recognize that as power and I think it is a desperate attempt by a desperate man.

I still don't have $ for vacation yet. HMM.

Babble, Babble...ahhh he loves to yank my chain about he is saving himself and the children from my bipolar, alcoholic, unkempt home...and he has our old housekeeper "ready to testify."

Brother.

Anyway...really do WS's every come back...he is GONE, GONE, GONE.

He says he will give me $ because he wants me to go away for the week...hmm...things aren't working out right for him.

Still though this is rough.

I don't know that I'm getting anywhere.

He said, "we've spent $2,400.- now in mediation and we have nothing to show for it. It was just to watch you have "mental masturbation."

I said, "I have come a long way since our first meeting."

He said "I just want to talk numbers and custody...hammer out the terms...our mediator is not your psych."

I continue to remind him all this pressure he feels to hurry up and not deal with me as a whole person who has feelings and emotions and just do a down and dirty quick settlment is not my idea of divorce.

He accused me of being passive aggressive and trying to hang on.

I said "I'm not...but as I walk towards the path of separation I'll be making sure that I have all my bases covered for myself, by myself, and he will have to get used to the idea that there are two people in this relationship until there isn't!!"

He said "well I'm happy for you and your little empowerment grove, but hurry up and get there."

I said "I'll get there, but I will make dam* sure I've taken care of myself."

Hmpf!!

He followed me...ask me for the $, ask me for the $...

I said "ha.., no."

he left.

yuck...feels a lot like spinning wheels.

I cashed a check for $1,000.-...I called and let him know...that I did...he wasn't happy at all!!!

Called back angry. He kept trying to say how my $ is still limited and I don't have my bank/credit card...I said...it doesn't matter I have the number. The money is a finite amount. I said your upset because I recognize your false sense of power or control. He said "I'm trying to bring to your attention that the $ is an issue and that we need to talk now about an agreement."

I should ask him why I didn't think to do that all those years he would refuse to try a budget plan with me so we could live in the black. It is conveinent now to claim he cares more about the money and debt we've incurred than me...because he wants out...prior to OW...he was Mr. spend, spend, spend!!!

Oh, God is interesting...his song has done a 180...can't he hear his own self contradiction?? He keeps saying you keep spending with this sense of entitlement that got us in this trouble...ha...he only wants a team player now???

Oh this is a little too much...and hard to believe he can believe himself!!!!!!