Good! you still have your sense of humor intact!!!

your husband is not about to give that up.

We H are as i said before fragile and dont understand how to most of the time how to express our feelings axcept after SF or in emotional outburst.

In any case you have been forewarned.

Your true gift will lie in deciphering when and how to help him "help" you.

For some demented reason we wwant to be superman and rescue the girl.

You need to be that girl at the appropriate times. admire again and verbally express it (NOT TOO OFTEN) what you appreciate i what he does.

"i love the way you play with the kids.Youre a good father" for example.

like i said not too often. We feel good about validation from you guys too.

just my 2 cents.

P.S. ...a man of mystry?.........aahhhhhhhh i dont know......wouldnt that open up room for her to go indulge more in this sick "relationship" with old BF?

Well now, THAT's a good piece of intell that I'm not sure I ever realized before. Very interesting. Thanks.


I'm not sure ALL men feel like this. But, I wish they all did.


Why not do this often? You only want to be appreciated a little bit? Otherwise it gets old?





Sounds to me like that A may have already come to an end. But, in answer to your question, No, it would make you more desirable to your wife. She knows you love her....you show her that by having stood by her through all this. But, if you add just a little bit of mystery it will throw her off balance and she'll begin to worry that another woman may be pursuing YOU since you have become so interesting to her. Let her worry a little bit. She needs to. Her worry will not make her want the OM, it will make her want YOU.

funny enough she said if i have a woman outside i should let her know.....we all have emotional needs to meet.

that drew an inside laugh from me.

this was over 3 weeks ago.

i hope she still feel that way whenever i go to councilling.
going out tonite again too.

MM remember that you will NEVER KNOW what he is thinking. Not unless he says it.

However there are clues abound.

Sometimes if we bring EA with you, we may reach a crossroads in our "cave" and cant process it. How it comes out of your mouth should be careful, but do not hide the truth.

there is a difference in saying.." you stink" and "you dont smell all that fresh"

one offensive and one not. look at his face now and again and gauge the facial features as you tell him sometimes.

please remember fragile egos.

Its like trying to get your baby to take not so sweet tasting medicine. bit by bit yes. eventually they get better, not the whole enchilada at once. you could kill him.

just enough as he can handle without sacrificing truth.

you can do this.

i know you can.

thanks for your encouraging words.

Please advise on my post.

So what happened today?

Need to hear from you how things are going.

Still trying to plug along. I'm reading alot here, and did write out my wish list for the things I want for my marriage, myself, and family. It was actually a very good excercise. Helped to give me some goals to strive for.

Sick thoughts: The other night, I had a couple of drinks and I actually thought it would be OK if I sent the OM a birthday wish in a few weeks. The next morning I called myself an idiot, and promised myself not to drink again untill I'm over him. I see that I can't let my guard down for a min.

H seems to be more attentive to me in an affectionate way. IT REALLY HELPS. But, I know we aren't spending enough alone time together, like we should be. We have six children and a family that size demands alot of attention. Still, I wish we could spend more time together.

Thankyou for asking, NC.

any superman moments?

MM, I know what you mean, my EA broke up about a month before OM's b-day and I wanted to do something for it- thought about him on that day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Stay strong, now I really see (and it hasnt' really taken all that long) that I was bamboozled by my emotions for OM and perceptions (erroneous) about my BH. Now I just feel so sad that I hurt my BH. He didnt' deserve any of this cr*p that I have given him. But he's still here.

And yes, stop drinking!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

do you know that when you drink you got to ask yourself the question: Whats the occassion?

because if it is just to get a buzz then there is a problem that you need to hit the first time it surface.
just my 2 cents.

superman moments meaning any encouragement given to him (if ever so slightly)

P.S. really good SF can rock anyones world.

maybe i am just talking from absence in my life. lol.

anyway just prayed for you guys. keep the faith. You both are already noble women in my book.

OW actually DID send a b-card to my WH.
It turned my stomach.
I just thought she'd have more sense than that.
(just throwing a few cigs in the trash can for you girls)

I had two drinks w/ my husband. I hardly ever drink...I'm such a light weight.

WOW!! Great SF is a Superman moment? Well, that's a pretty easy thing to do.

LMAO.........wooooopieeeee ride me cowgirl!!!!!!

My OM is not married.

listen the mere fact that your H stuck around shows the kind of character that any woman would desire in a husband.

your OM trust me on this....WILL replace you i a heartbeat if he spots someone better. You cant be serious about him when you realize that he has no principles. To go after a married woman .who has children...for his personal enjoyment(E/A or P/A).

That is so WRONG!!!! damn it!!!!!!!!!

sorry to chew your [censored] off. I am thinking about my WW. ireally love her and she just doesnt see that now. and most of my friends are saying leave her.

I am sorry i cant.

Do not let this OM destroy somthing special in your life. It may not give you a rush.....but that is not the reason you got married. you did because you saw a genuine character in him, one of love and commitment.

stand be him and see the friuts of your labour in a few years. trust me you wont regret it.

please pray for me too. Really feeling down today.

I just want to hold her.

Nope.. but YOU are.
It would turn your BH's stomach if you did.
Get the picture?
You need to switch your mindset about this.
Otherwise you'll keep unintentionally hurting your BH.

The OM in my EA was also not married. But I can only imagine, Brownhair, what you must have been put through. Is your M in recovery? It is embarrassing in retrospect to see what an idiot I was. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

007, you are right, no principles to go after a married man. "You're right, MrsRob, MrRob doesnt' understand you. Let me come visit you so we can have sex." What was it he wanted???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Just for clarification, there was NO sex at ALL, I never even met him. But it just goes to show how he really (sarcastic) cared for me and how I belittled my M.

I am ashamed now. And so remorseful for what I put BH through. 007, hopefully your WW's fog will lift. Plan A your heart out! But also, remember plan A is for you to improve yourself. If you sit around like a wet blanket, you'll just be- a lonely wet blanket. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> So DO something for YOURSELF!!!! Just for you. Now. Go- seriously, I don't want to see you at this computer one more second!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Even if it's just for a walk.

I gotcha. I agree, it would be a cruel thing to do to my husband. I was very foolish to have even thought about it.

Yes, NC, you and all the husbands who stick it out for their marriages are HEROS.

Like Mrs. Rob said, Plan A her like crazy. Hang in there. I'll be praying for both.

It's XWH now. Or rather, X. I will reserve the "H" for someone worthy of it, hopefully at some later point in my life.

He had an PA with my best friend (well, I thought she was at least) for 1 year+.
He also went to prostitutes for 2 years+.
I thought we were in recovery...
He ended the PA with my BF immediately but continued other stuff (dating sites) without me knowing at that time and when I found out 1 year after the initial D-Day that he went to P's AGAIN I drew the line.
He certainly didn't lack any SF with me..
But he said "he thought I only did it to please him, not because I really wanted it" - well, I can only say that if we had had neighbors that could hear me, they'd disagree.
There's just no pleasing some people.
(I'm glad I can laugh about it now, somewhat green maybe, but still <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

He also refused to get into counseling for what I think really is an addiction to sex (as it was all no emotional attachments, just sex).