Thankyou, HS, I am thinking more everyday that I need AD's.

And thanks for these words... You can do this and you won't ever regret doing the right thing! Nobody ever does!

I think I'll put that in my sig line. Hope you don't mind.

You're absolutely right. I just editted that post.





Yes, this is the thought that I cling to. I'm so glad God included David's sins and his Psalms in the Bible. It does give me hope.



I wish time would just 'hurry up' and help. LOL

Thankyou for your post. It encourages me greatly. Just knowing you've been in my place and have made it safely through w/drawals helps tremendously.



He really hasn't said much at all about this. He asked his questions and seems to be ok w/ what I told him. It is sort of disturbing to me, b/c I don't think he realizes how serious this was. I think he thinks that since it wasn't a PA, and that since I ended it, and told him about it, that he doesn't have to worry about it.

I'd like to share alot of what's going on in my head w/ him, but don't want to hurt him. However, I will say this, he knows I'm in pain on some level, b/c he is reaching out to me w/ much more affection than he normally does.

We really have a good marriage. Neither of us love bust each other much. The one thing I wish would be that he'd talk to me more...but it seems at this stage of our lives that EN for me will have to take a back seat to RL needs.

I've been working hard at meeting his needs though.

Oh, MM, do the AD's. THey help soooo much. My BH is totally against them, but I dont' know if I could have functioned without them. It's not like you have to be on them forever, or will need them even very long. Trust me, they're helpful!

I'm glad to hear that you are getting back to "normal" activities with your family. Look at your children and husband- if you really want to make it work, you will have to be the one working. It's hard- but it is just fantasy. Just "what ifs" that would never really come true.

have you and your BH talked more? How is he feeling about things?

Yes, meeting your BH's needs comes first now. Soon, maybe he'll be receptive to more MB principles, especially if he sees how they're working for you.

I know about the sharing- sometimes I just want to say to my BH, "Don't you know what the OM did that you just aren't doing? Dont' you even care that I felt I needed to get emotional support and affetion from someone else? How could you let that happen? And now that you know, do you even care? Or do you just want to punish me because you're pride is hurt, not becasue you really care for me. Why cant' you see what I need? Why can't you do for me what I need you to do?"

Re-read that paragraph and see how pathetic and awful it is. Obviously the product of a marriage that was not great- and I should have been working on making a great marriage instead of and EA with someone else.

I have spoken to my BH about eventually making our marriage good, and he says that if and when he heals that will be what he wants, too, but until he is "over it- however long that takes" then his being there is all I get. It will be good enough for now.

Be grateful that your BH is not "worrying about it." Be glad you have this chance to make it right and make your marriage wonderful.

My EA didn't turn into a PA just by the grace of God and the fact that he was a couple of states away. he always said he could travel here for business, if I wanted him too. Thank goodness for you that yours wasn't a PA on top of the EA. EA's are hard to get over, I think, especially for women, because we need the emotional connection, but if it had progressed to a PA it would be harder for you to overcome, and you would have hurt your BH even more than you have. My BH feels that I might as well have had a PA, and calls me awful names, which dont help. So while I know what you mean that you are kind of disturbed by his reaction- believe me, it's not that he doesnt' care, it's that he doesn't know he dodged a bullet by a millimeter!!

continue your fight..........love your gifts (H and children) from God.

MM,
Honored of course...
HS

Marshmallow, did/do you find that thread helpfull? While many BS's has told me in the past that this guide was helpfull to them and gave them insight into this process, I'm not so sure if the same always apply to FWS's who are still struggling with withdrawal. The reason I say this - long ago a FWW who was still in early and intense withdrawal, told me that the guidelines I've put in my withdrawal thread to FWS's (on how to help themselves getting through withdrawl), did not really help her and was not effective in her case.

I just made an appointment w/ a counselor for next week...which just happens to fall on OM's birthday. So, we'll see about my getting some AD's.

I've never seen a counselor before. I'm not even sure how to talk to one. I don't want to get into my childhood junk...I want to talk about moving forward and taking steps to improve myself and my life now.

Mrs. Rob, (or anybody) know what kinds of things I can expect or for that matter what kinds of things should I hope for? I like the idea of having a 'coach'...someone who will set goals for me and give me a gentle shove to accomplish them.

Ok, well, maybe it's just that I'm still in a fog, but I don't think that paragraph you wrote IS pathetic. I understood exactly your frustrations.




Maybe if he'd meet some of your EN's and study here at MB's, he'd be able to heal and get over the hurt more quickly.



I am glad in one way. I'm glad he's not angry at me....but I do wish he'd take this a little more seriously.

Yes, it was extremely helpful to me, Suzet*. When I found MB I was in dire need of understanding what I was going through. I needed to know that I will be OK. I was so relieved to find I was not alone in the things I did, nor the pain and conflicts I was going through. I was relieved to read your post, b/c it gave me hope that I will in all likelihood follow the same pattern that other's who have been in my sitch have. And I do thankyou for your post.

^^Bumping up for Marshmallow^^

Marshmallow,
I haven't posted in a good while and was just catching up on your thread. How are you? How is NC going? I see you've been busy posting lots of advice but I haven't been able to find an upate on how you are doing. Fill us in...it's been less than a month since final contact right?

Yes, it'll be a month this Friday. I'm definitely doing much better.

I'm getting lots of good advice from LovingAnyway (off the boards), and Mrs. W has been helpful to me as well.

These boards have really saved me.

Thanks for asking, 2B. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

MM good to see you doing so much better. bet you in another month that you will be even better.

thanks for giving us hope in our WW when the road seems dark.

Nuff Luv.

Just hailing you up.

Good to hear that you are doing better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Hope that things continue to move foward and that all is well with you and your husband too!

Thanks, NC

Everyone here kept saying give it time...and they were definitely right.

Hang in there.

Thank you.

Yes, things are moving in the right direction for both of us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

catch you tomorrow MM pray 4 me

MM, How long did this EA last?

How long have you been married? Children?

Done.

We went 1 month w/NC last month but as you may recall OM broke that with an email and it just put me back to square one :-( I am trying so hard now.... it has been over a week since we last spoke. BH does not want to send a NC letter for fear that it will infuriate OM so I sit here waiting to see what happens. I've blocked his email addresses. I've changed my phone numbers. But we have so many friends in common, I know someone will slip one day and tell me something about him.... is that considered Contact? I don't know.... but I need to prepare myself for that. I don't want to make any more mistakes!

I am so glad you are doing well in the NC department!!! keep up the good work. How is your BH doing??

Becca