The EA lasted 5 months.

My H and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary on Valentines Day this year.

We have 6 children.

Four girls and 2 boys.

Presently our DD8 has the chicken pox...so I'm waiting to see if I'll have an outbreak in my home anytime soon, as none of our other children have had them either.

I forgot to mention before that this Bible verse you posted to me earlier helped me to control alot of my fantasy thoughts.



I just re-read through this thread, and can't believe how much better I feel about things today than I did when I first started posting here.

My goodness, do I sound stupid. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

And thanks again for checking in w/ me. That was really very thoughtful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh, Becca,

I have read your story here, and really feel for you. But, really the thing that is the hardest to get through is the fog. So much of our thinking is just so screwy that we really do create our own pain.

Everyone here is right...maintaining NC is critical. Time and reading here really does help. I know your A went on longer than mine and you have a baby too, but you've been given great advice here from so many posters. And now that you are committed to your M, I just know you're going to make it.

LovingAnyway has really helped me alot. When I found her posts I starting printing them out and taking them to bed w/ me. LOL Then I just searched for all her posts and read through them. She was even good enough to let me e-mail her w/ questions I had. I don't know if you've "met' her or not, but she has REALLY helped me alot.

Clarity is what you really need...it's what we all need.

Hang in there...I'm rooting for you. I know you can do it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

PS:How's my DH doing? Much better now that his wife is not a fogged out depressed headcase.

MM,
Hopefully your IC won't give a sh(hoot)t what you WANT and will focus on YOUR NEEDS. Meaning, if you are carrying a bunch of junk in your trunk from your childhood, then that is where you need to focus... if you are simply making bad choices, then you can expect to explore why you make choices that are so damaging and detrimental to things you stand for/belive in... Good counseling isn't about making you feel good... it's about making you well. THe process doesn't always "feel good", but as you approach mental health/wellness you will feel better than ever...

Be honest with yourself and with your counselor. Don't blow smoke up their (((article))) ... but rather embrace the process so that you give yourself the best chance of dealing with your issues/baggage.

Good luck. I also started counseling for the first time in my life as a result of this ordeal and have discovered many life changing things about myself and have used my sessions to overcome my anxiety, controlling behaviors, fear, and insecurities...

Heartsore

Marsh,
Curious, do you find that supporting me and cheering on me helps you to stay focused in your own situation?
HS

MM - I've never posted to you before, but I've been following your thread for awhile now. I even remember one quote that you said you had read my thread and it made you sick to your stomach - wow! Really?

I was just wondering since you are recovering from an EA as well - how are you handling not missing the OM? I can't seem to let go. I really cared about him - still do. Was I actually in love with him?

How did you get "over" the OM so quickly?

Thanks for your thoughts on this.....

If you don't mind sharing....was this an online EA? Or was this someone you knew in person?



We just celebrated our 20th this past May! Are you planning to do anything special?




Wow! You must be very busy with 6 children!


I'm glad that it helped you. I clung to many Bible verses after my EA ended! It still took me a long time to move past my EA and I was even experiencing some triggers a year after it ended. I failed at NC for the first 5 months and I know that hindered my progress. Please continue to stick to NC! You have seemed to have pushed through pretty quickly. As Heartsore asked...I am curious too if your posting of advice helps you to keep the focus "off of you"?


Again, I do find it amazing that you are doing so well in just a few short weeks. How are your thoughts? I remember reading somewhere you felt you needed to get past the OM's birthday....


You're welcome. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HS,

Yes, it does. Part of what helped me clear my head and feelings for OM was reading the other side of the equation. Watching how much you were/are willing to suffer in order to recover your marriage was/is very inspiring. It helps to put things in proper perspective.

I am rooting for you and all the BS's here who are trying to recover their marriages. Everything MB says about the WS is true. We are lost in a fog...heading down a very dangerous road that will lead to ruin for us and our families. We need to be rescued. And THAT is why in my book you all are heroes.

~ Marsh

Well Marsh,
You are also giving great support to many BS on this site, so I think it runs both ways. I am also gaining strength from your interpretations and observations... and SUPPORT.
HS

I did? I went looking for the post you were referring to, but couldn't find it.

I apologize to you, FT, if I offended you in anyway.I can't imagine I would have meant that YOU made me sick to my stomach. Gosh, I hope I didn't suggest THAT.


I understand completely what you are feeling. I believed I really cared for and loved the OM in my situation too. But, I know now that it wasn't him that I loved or cared for, it was the needs he was meeting for me. I stroked his ego and he stroked mine. The things we said to each other were all fantasy and bull crap. We said them in order to get our needs met. He didn't really know me or I him. He only saw the parts of me I wanted him to see, and vice versa.

Go look for LovingAnyway's posts. She has amazing insight into all of this that really helped me to see what was REALLY going on.

[/quote]How did you get "over" the OM so quickly?

Thanks for your thoughts on this..... [/quote]

It's been almost a month of NC. Dr. Harley says the worst of w/drawal is the first 3 weeks. In my case it proved to be true. I still think about the OM, but no where near what I was or w/ the intense feelings I had.

What helped me the most was maintaining NC...it was keeping away from him that enabled me to step back and evaluate the A for what it was.

Keep reading here, your feelings will change, as you gain perspective.

2B,

Yes, it was online EA, it was w/ someone I had debated w/ for months over matters regarding religion, and politics. We had zero things in common... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Congrats on your 20th wedding anniversary. Since our anniversary is in the dead of winter we're looking at going away to a warmer climate. Did you do something special for yours?

I'm still not completely over my A. I still have triggers and I still do think about him and wonder if he thinks about me. But, I'm not crying or obsessing about him anymore. I'm back in my life again. I'm making REAL connections again w/ my H, children, family, and friends. And it FEELS great!

~ Marsh

MM,
I had a feeling you had an online affair...Did you meet this OM on a forum? If so, are you off of that forum? The reason I ask is because I had met the OM2 on a forum (long story since I had 2 A's). I am glad you realize the "fantasy" of the EA...online EA's are so especially since you never met the person. I also read it almost became PA...so I'm guessing you were about to plan a meeting with the OM? I'm so glad that never happened!

Our 20th - We went away to a resort a few hours away for a few days. Didn't go far, but it was nice to be alone and yet "away". I hope you and your husband get to plan something special to celebrate!:)

I understand about the triggers and the wondering about the OM, etc. That does take TIME! It sounds like you are doing all the right things and you will get there before you know it!

I also wanted to ask, did you ever tell your husband the full truth of the EA? I read you told him, but didn't call it an "affair". Just wondering if you had talked to him more about it, or where you are at with that.

Yes, I met him on a forum. I left it a month before I established NC, and haven't been back. And, yes, we were making plans to meet....or at least we were talking about meeting. I kept putting it off. And I'm VERY glad we never did.


Yes, I finally called it an affair to my H. He stopped talking about it, until a week ago. And then he brought it up again...and asked me almost all the same questions he asked me before. It was kind of weird. But, in that conversation, I finally was able to call it what it was.

My online EA got to the point of making plans and "talking" about meeting as well....Then his wife found some of our emails and it was OVER! I am so thankful we never met!



I'm glad you were able to call it what it was. It may be still hard for your H for quite some time. My H is doing great generally, but every once in awhile something gets in his head about it all and he has a bad day....even this far down the road in recovery ( coming up on 2 years since D-Day in December!). It doesn't last long though anymore which is a good thing.