Just to preface this post we have been married 20 years 2 days ago. This happened 5 days before our anniversary. We were at the beach drinking beers and got a bit drunk which never really was an issue before. My wife had spent a quite bit of time at the beach with this man that night, seemingly innocent enough. His wife and kids were there and our kids were there. After the beach we decided to go back to this couples house, with the kids.

Sorry if this is long but i need help getting rid of the vision of what you will read.

Some may say this is nothing but nothing like this ever happened. My version reads like a book because that is how I write and was told writing it out sometimes helps.

I spoke to a mutual close friend about this, my wife knows, and he spoke to her and said she was genuinly upset about what happened as you will read, but i still can't help but wonder in the future.

She emailed me and i responded and thats wht you will read, her email to me three days later and my response. I wrote my part down before she emailed me btw.

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On 8/21/06 1:24 PM, "mary" <> wrote:

> Joey,
> I love you more than life itself. I have to write this because I keep
> getting too emotional to say it and I hope this doesn't bring it all back
> and make you feel worse again. I am terrified that you will never be able to
> get past this and I will lose the only man I have ever loved and who has
> ever loved me over 15 seconds of stupidity and foolishness on my part.
>
> I am as devastated as you over my just standing there and letting him hold
> me. I should have pushed him away... I should have laughed it off... I
> should have punched him... All these things go through my mind.
>
> I should have realized sooner that maybe the flirting, which (with others
> and even a couple of times verbally with him in the past), has always been
> completely innocent before was turning into something more than harmless on
> his part.
>
> I never expected him to take it to another level... But again, I'm not
> placing all the blame on him, I SHOULD HAVE WALKED AWAY... But I think I was
> just stunned. That has never been the end result of kidding around with
> someone before.
>
> Believe me, I will never underestimate any man again or the effect of
> alcohol and hormones, whether I think I know him or not. And believe me I
> will NEVER again drink that much when I am out. And if you don't want me to
> go out I wont. You mean more to me than my hanging out at the <bar name edited>
> does and if you don't trust me, I won't go anymore.
> I am reserved for you... Always have been and always will be as long as you
> still want me. And I hope you do.
> I love you,
> mary
>
----------

From: Joe <>
Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2006 13:58:14 -0400
To: mary <>
Conversation: <no subject>
Subject: Re: <no subject>

I love you too more than anything... I did some research and it said writing
down the events usually helps sp I tried it. Here is my version. I don't
hate you, I never could hate no matter what, even if I had caught you in bed
I could not hate you I love you more than I think you will ever know.

But drunk or not I never thought this would ever happen with me there or
without being there..


Please don't be offended but what I wrote but I need to share this in
response to this I LOVE YOU FOREVER and could never have done that to you.
And I know you you weren't think... Or I don't know what you were or weren't
thinking..

------

“Donna, we’re leaving in a little bit get your stuff ready” said mary.
“Ok” replied Donna
“Do you have your GameBoy?” I asked
“No it’s still in the truck,” Donna said.
“Well you and your father go out and look for it,” said mary.
“It’s in their truck is it locked?” I asked
“The truck is unlocked” Said Susan
Donna and I left the house for the search of the gameboy. We looked
everywhere we though little Timmy put it but could not find it so back in
the house we went.
“Did you find it?” asked mary
“No” I replied
“I will help you look” Said Susan
“I’ll get a flashlight,” said Bob

Susan, Timmy and Donna went back out to the truck to look. I stayed
behind in the house with mary and Bob.

As Bob came around with the flashlight he started for the door to go out to
the truck when mary said “Let Joe go look for it” and Bob went to hand me the
flashlight.
“But it’s his truck” I said before he handed me the flashlight.
Susan, Timmy and Donna were still outside at the truck looking.
“You go, it’s your daughters gameboy. Give Joe the Flashlight!” mary said
very adamantly.

I took the flashlight from Bob and proceeded out of the house to the truck.
We searched the truck with the flashlight and could still not find the
gameboy. I moved the flashlight around to different spots and still saw
nothing. We were outside about 5 minutes when Timmy took the flashlight from
me to look. Something made me go back in the house while the others looked
for the gameboy.

I entered the front door of the house and walked towards the kitchen. As I
came around the corner mary and Bob came into view. What I saw was
unbelievable. Bob was up against the wall, his back flat on the wall with his
hands around mary’s waist looking her square in the face. mary’s arms were
outstretched wide at shoulder length. Their bodies were touching. Their
faces about an inch from each other. I was in total shock. Her arms then
went to the wall on either side of Bob. The smile I saw on her face stabbed
my heart with a force I had never known. She had a look on her face that I
thought was reserved only for me, the look in here eyes that I thought was
mine and mine alone.

I stood there dumbfounded for a while. I watched in total shock and
disbelief, as they seemed to get even closer! OH MY GOD!

“OH VERY NICE” I cried!

Their arms flew apart! Bob and mary broke from each other.

“BUSTED!!!” Exclaimed Bob.
Like two deer caught in the oncoming headlights of a large truck they
scrambled around not seeming to know what to do.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! THANK YOU VERY MUCH MARY! THANK YOU SO ****** MUCH!” I
cried

“What?!” asked mary sternly.

“You tell me what! You tell me what I just saw!”

“You didn’t see anything! You have to stop with this jealously thing!”

“ I didn’t see anything is what you’re telling me?!”

At this point Bob went into his youngest sons bedroom, probably because the
kid woke up due my yelling and Bob lay down in the bed. I could see his face,
as he lay on the bed, through the doorway. mary followed him and stopped at
the bedroom doorway looking into the bedroom. She wouldn’t even look at me.
All the while just saying your crazy you didn’t see anything, this jealousy
thing has got to stop.

“ If I didn’t see anything come and talk to me.” I pleaded; we were only
about 15 feet away from each other but should would not turn and look at me.

“ Come here and talk to me mary…” I pleaded again “Please, come here and
talk to me! Tell me what I didn’t see. I know what I saw! You can’t change
that. I am not crazy… Please come and talk to me.”

She wouldn’t budge, she wouldn’t look at me, and she wouldn’t talk to me.
She stayed there in the bedroom doorway looking in at Bob as if to say, what
should I say. All the while making me feel like two inches tall and that I
was in fact crazy.

All this time the others were still outside the house looking for the
gameboy in the truck.

I went to leave the house and was going to leave in our truck but then came
back in to find mary and Bob in the kitchen as if nothing happened. mary made
a comment like “Where’d you get this towel?” as she held a kitchen towel in
her hand.

I then said again “So what just happened?”

“Nothing happened”

The rest is a little blurry but I then was made to feel I had to apologize.

I said to Bob “ I apologize for making a scene. I am sorry.”

“Hey don’t worry, I am used to Jealousy and me” Bob said. The only thing I
can think this meant is that this has happened before with him and someone
else, I hope someone else.
Donna had just come back into the house, without the gameboy, and mary
Donna and I turned to go. On the way out Susan was just coming back in
taking the mail from the mailbox.

I said “Goodnight” politely to her.

“Goodnight” she replied.

I felt betrayed, devastated, shocked and foolish, especially just having
apologized to the man that had his arms around my wife.

All that night I was made to believe I was the bad guy and that I did not
see what I saw.

In the end I know what I saw. My wife and another man with their arms around
each other, or may as well have been, faces nearly touching looking as if
they had just made out, however briefly or not. I want to believe in my
heart that they had not kissed and I at least stopped that from happening by
coming into the room when I did. Had I not come in at that moment and come
in a few minutes later I think he would have kissed her and by the look I
saw on her face, I sadly believe she would have kissed him back if even just
briefly.

I don’t know what to do. I wish I could just erase the whole thing from my
mind but no matter what I do I still have that vision of them holding each
other and mary being so happy and comfortable with the position they were in
and the look in here eyes that I thought was mine and mine alone. The vision
pops in and out of mind all the time. I never would have expected this in a
million years. I can’t help it but that’s how I feel. I wish I didn’t
because I can’t stand feeling this way. I truly want to forget it.

I seemed to be the furthest thing from her mind at that time, as if I didn’t
even exist and that disturbs me deeply as well.

We were just starting to get very close again like we used to be. My new job
on LI allows me to be home more often instead of late nights in the
city to make ends meet by doing tons of overtime and having the long train
ride home. I really thought were starting to be very happy again as we once
were. The night we had alone together at the <edited> was the happiest
night I have had in long, long while, just days before this incident. I
don’t want us to drift apart. I love her more than anything and much more
than she probably realizes

I know they will see each other very often in the future as they drop the
kids off at the same school, attend soccer awards dinners together and
around town and while I guess it shouldn’t, it bothers me a great deal.

I don’t know how to make the vision stop! I am trying my hardest! Please
help!!!!!!

Man I feel for you. I actually caught my ex in the act of having sex with another man. I didn't see it but heard all of it outside our bedroom window. To this day I still have visions of that day, and it still makes me somewhat sick.

I would ask your wife why she lied to you about this incident in the beginning. From what you describe it sounds as if this were a planned thing, and they have done this before without getting caught. Bob doesn't seem remorseful at all, and your wife only seems like she is remorseful now that she has been caught. The look on her face tells it all to me. If it were a one time deal she wouldn't have had that look on her face, she wanted to do this. If it were a spur of the moment thing it would have been a little different I believe.

Since they have already spent so much time together and it sounds like you are of town I wouldn't rule out that there is more to this situation like an affair. Especially since it seems like it was orchestrated by your wife and Bob insisting that you go look for the video game in Bob's truck, thus leaving them alone without you.

I know you don't want to find out that your wife has been having an affair but you need to know the truth. I certainly hope that she is not and this was a one time deal but it seems pretty sketchy to me from how you describe how it went down. I can tell you one thing however. If your gut is telling you she has been cheating on you then it most likely is true. I know from experience, my gut told me about my wife and my heart and head wanted to believe otherwise so I blew it off. Then I found out the truth and found out my gut was right once again as it always has been.

For this to be resolved your wife needs to be honest about everything. She may not want to for fear of losing you and will withhold information.

Your situation sounds like the first time I caught my ex over at the guy's house she cheated on me with. She said the same exact thing your wife did to you "nothing happened and you are just being jealous and acting crazy". She even told all of our friends and family that I was crazy jealous and imagining things, she did this for a month then I actually caught her the second time outside the bedroom window. I was actually suprised because I was actually relieved because for a while I did start to think maybe I was overreacting and going crazy. I didn't flip out but was still very hurt and pissed off. After that point I knew that I couldn't trust anything she did or said.

I hope this is not the case with you. There is good reason this keeps going through your mind. You saw what you saw and your wife doesn't seem to be completely honest about what is going on. I would pray that this situation gets resolved. I wouldn't let this fester and I would go to marriage counseling so you can discuss both of your feelings. Maybe more things will come out and this can be resolved. I hope there is nothing more to this than a one time mistake for your sake. The good news now is that your wife feels the need to apologize and states she does Love you, so whatever the truth is it sounds like it can be worked out either way. Good Luck I feel for you and God Bless.

M

dinsdale,

My heart goes out to you. I've been married for thirty years--I can empathize with your shock, pain and fear--and so close to your 20 year anniversary.

Honey, the least of your problems is this 'vision' you write about. While the email your W sent is a good sign, you have to address that this incident did not happen in a vacuum. Something is broken in your marriage and needs to be fixed. Some emotional need of your wife was not being met by you--perhaps the need for admiration????? She is starved for something. Better find out what it is.