I dont know if this already exist. If so i am sorry.

I just thought that it would be helpful to list some of the WS fog talk that we have heard and may soon hear to strengthen and maybe give "hope" to those who soon to hear them.


The first? "I love you; but not IN love with you" careful of this spear.

Here is just one of many...

"I just need some time/space."

"She made me feel like a man"

"She is perfect, she is like Mother Teresa"

"What did you ever do me for me as a wife other than cook, clean and take care of the children?"

I haven't loved you for a year"

I haven't loved you in a few years"

I haven't loved you in atleast 5 years"

I have never loved you, I was forced to marry you b/c you were pregnant."

"I love you"

"I don't remember saying/doing that"

Man the list continues. I wish I would have kept a journal, some of them were so off the wall and unbelievable.

You really can tell the difference once they come out of the fog.

lol.

i forgot.

"we had argument daily. couldnt you tell?"

"you abuse the kids"

"wish i was never married to you"

man........if i had known of these before it would have spared me many a tears. Greetings from Jamaica.

Well, shot, that sounds like some of the things I've said! LMAO

These about seven things on that list. Most I've at least thought of recently! LOL

Yep, there have been MANY such threads.

My favorite:

"I thought 2 DV you back then, but I decided that if I did, you wouldn't finish your PhD".

The A was a FAVOR 2 me!

-ol' 2long

OW: "I didn't think it was wrong because it felt so right."

WH: "Whether I go back to a prostitue or not... well, that really depends on how many times we'll have sex (in the future)."
(he actually didn't believe he said that afterwards)

And my all time favorite, on my asking why they didn't bother to use a condom:
OW: "I'm not the sort of person that contracts STD's."

LMAO........you kidding!!!!!!!

try this one; "i am only staying for the child 90%"

"we dont have a marriage"

nc:

You can't find one we haven't heard, believe me!

-ol' 2long

[color:"purple"]How about these...

Are you trying to prove to me you're smart? (no, I know I'm smart)

Now you'll have to come to me when you need money and ask me for every 5 and 10 dollars...muuuhhhaaaaaaaa!(I just smiled)

I don't want to talk to you about anything other than the children.

I don't want a relationship with you at all

You don't even know who you are (are we projecting dear?)

You don't want your perfect little world to change one bit because you're afraid, afraid to get a job, afraid to be on your own (heh?!...not anymore bud!..thanks to you!!)

Oh my gosh, get me out of here asap!

I was given pressure to marry you by your father

There was always something missing...see that picture there...I remember that picture...something was missing then even..always, something has always been missing or else why would I have had an A?

Yeah I had an A...because our marraige had fallen apart

You can't keep a clean house

I'm PROUD that I stayed in this marraige as long as I have!

Let's get things straight here...you're the one with the mental illness here (ho, ho, ho)

Our relationship is mature (about OW)

First time he told me he was going to separate..."Thanks, but I haven't really been a good husband...there were some other almost affairs." (thanks for the parting gift)

I've always had a wandering eye because something was missing.

That was just a F***. Understand. We're just roomates that F*** occassionally. Nothing more...you always want to attach meaning to it.

I will always love you because you are my sons mother

It's over, and you've known it for years

I've been telling you for years what my needs are. (I respond...you only found out about 1.5 years ago you had needs and you could identify them)

Yeah...you even said...I didn't even know I had needs!(wait a minute didn't you just say you had been telling me for years what they were?)

I shouldn't have to tell you what my needs are you should just know (a fav. line for about 3 years)



[/color]

Here is another thread about the greatest Fogese sayings:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

HERE ARE SOME OF MY WW's GREATEST Foghits:

"I love you, I care for you, but my spirit is dying in this marriage"

"I have been assessing our marriage for seven years. It has nothing to do with my affair"

"I want out of the marriage. My heart is somewhere else, but that's not the reason"

(when caught in affair)
"I am in love with OM"

"My heart is somewhere else right now"

"SOmething inside of me has died in this marriage and it will never come back"

Heartsore

I have a few:

"You are not the man I thought I married, plain and simple. I was disillusioned."

"I settled because you were a nice guy, we were friends and I loved you." (Now you have a kid out of the deal and you run off? Great person you are... showing great amounts of maturity and responsibility there!)

"I never hid the fact that our marriage had become pretty much a roommate basis - we were married only in name - not anything else - and I stated that." (I'm glad that /I/ knew we were living on a 'roommate' basis!)

"I don't live my life for anyone BUT MY SON." (Oh, so you're going to Las Vegas... for your son? And then you're going to Hawaii... for your son? And the fact that you've seen your son 3 times in 3 months... that's for him too, right?)

"Yes, I can be faithful, when the person is right. The right person just wasn't you." (In response to 'Once a cheater, always a cheater.')

"You don't know me anymore." (Correction: YOU don't know you anymore... I know you better than you think.)

"Ever hear of the fed-up couped up housewife??" (Ha! Nice excuse!)

Anyway, I don't want to look for more, heh.. they make me sorta mad.

I've got a few gems...
"I've been trying for a long time. I just don't love you anymore. I need a fresh start."

"You shouldn't have to threaten someone with divorce to make them change." (When I asked him he never said anything about this before... uh, like he is perfect?)

"I didn't walk away from our family." (after moving in with OW).

"I think my relationship with DD will be better this way. She will understand and she'll appreciate me being happy."

"I'm not a user... I don't stay with someone for a long time just for fun." (in response to my asking him if he really planned to marry OW like I had heard.)

"We have a friendship people can't understand." (From the OW, actually, when I confronted them both at her apartment)

*sigh* The list goes on and on... I'm feeling pretty lousy tonight... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

she's correct

I don't understand it at all!!!!!

Pep

shimmygrrrl:

Your XH sounds a lot like my WW. Only, she just ran out so she could be a promiscuous teenager again... she didn't move in with any of her multiple OM.

Especially the 'trying for a long time' part.. my WW didn't try in any way, unless the fact that she stayed at the house and continued to do everything that made me mad is considered 'trying.'

So what do you do about the fog talk?

All of these are expressions of the WS’s Love banks that is below the “In Love “ threshold with you the BS and that is above the “In Love” threshold for the OP.

They are expression of detachment toward the BS.

Some may give you hints into what was missing in the EN of the BS leading to the WS’s A. And that can be valuable to compete with the OP.

They are all rationalizations of the addiction to the OP.
The excuses will cover everything possible. The stars are being realigned by the WS and the OP.
History is being rewritten by WS and OP.
All is fare game to the WS and OP.

What to do:
They are extremely hurtful to you and yet you should not LB back. No angry outburst, no sarcasm, no name calling, as little arguing as possible, still don’t let your marriage be trampled. Speak in the “I”. “This is hurting me”. I’m sorry that you choose to believe that. I hear that you are saying xyz, I’m don’t believe that, see it that way.

Plan A is to separate the WS from the OP and care the WS back by not LB and depositing the most Love Units as possible by meeting the EN WS will let you
and At the same time let the A die a natural death..

Plan B is to protect the BS and the M and let the A die a natural death.

1. WH while were in the truck driving....wish a person could change their marriage license like you can your driver`s license.
Did`nt even know at that time why he would have said that, now I do!!!!!

2. She`s so nice and religous
3. We talked about my(our) marriage problems and she was having a hard time with her divorce.

Is it a good sign when your WS admits to being in the fog? My WW says she feels like her thoughts are in a cloud of confusion. She changes her mind almost every hour. Maybe it is good for them to at least know that they haven't gotten their head on straight. Maybe???

Fogspeak...here's some of the gems I've heard from darth for the last 4 years...still hear it today...but I have a plan for breaking thru it and he can't deny it when I do it!

darth's many fog-ism's...
1)we aren't friends anymore (yea friends don't do this to their friends)
2)you don't cook/clean/aren't skinny enough...
3)This affair HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU...(more wtf?)
4)our son will be ok after the divorce. maybe even better.
5)I planned on marrying her (the ow). She just HAPPENED TO BE PREGNANT that's all.
6)I will always love you...but we can't be together. I can't change who I am...(week before his daughter was born)
7)to darth: Darth please don't name the baby the girl name I came up with...that name was for OUR child to be...Darth: I like that name. It's fine. It's just a name. (he used my name I came up with for a girl had our son been a girl...to be the oc's name)

and the latest and greatest? This was last week!

Darth:"It'd be nice if you'd just stay over late after the birthday party and you and I and ds can ride jet ski's and hang out...you like jet ski's right? (him trying to fogspeak me into getting some face time...his peach fix..to have me hang out with him.)

and the queen of all fogspeak about 2 weeks ago....
"Peach...why don't you just admit it. I am smart..I know what you're thinking...I can tell what you're going to say...WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR A LONG TIME NOW..." (that one is still making me shake my head as we're 2.5 years past the divorce)...