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OP
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I had an affair with my husbands co-worker almost 4 years ago. It didn't last very long (I saw him about 4 times in a period of 3-4 months) and we slept together only once. I know 'only once' is not an excuse, but I want to get the point across that it was not something that lasted years & years. We moved to a new state & I had no friends besides him. I got very depressed because my husband was working all the time, and his friend always seemed to have time for me. I also ended up going on anti-depressants during this time. My husband suspects something happened but we are still together and happier than ever. I NEVER had another affair and I honestly learned my lesson & know in my heart I will never do it again. Should I spare my husband the heartache and not tell him?
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you should tell him
you know you should or you would not be asking
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Did you use condoms during your affair?
Pep
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I just think it will be worse if I tell him. I guess the reason I posted was for someone to tell me it was OK to NOT tell him since I know it won't happen again. We have had a troublesome relationship because of some of his past decisions (things he failed to tell me that ended up affecting us later on) but our relationship has improved SO MUCH that I hate to ruin it by telling him this. I think about it alot, and the guilt is immense, but I feel it will be too much for him if I tell him. He has a medical condition (this stemmed from things he kept from me about his past; drug use) that requires him to be 'upbeat' and that's why I don't want to tell him, also.
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No I did not......yeah I know, STUPID!!!!!!
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No I did not......yeah I know, STUPID!!!!!! Do you think you'd want to be told if you might be exposed to STDs ?
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He has to be told, momx4. Your marriage will never recover from this unless and until he knows the truth about his own life. It is in his best interest to know about the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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momx4, I had an A about 10 years ago or so. I ended the A and never told my H. It ate at my soul keeping that secret and then one day someone else did the telling for me. He was angrier at me for not telling than he was over the A. You are living a lie that will slowly kill you.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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you said: things he failed to tell me that ended up affecting us later on)
seems like you would have learned from that
you need to tell him
you need to tell for both of you
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is the other man married?
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I found out too late about his drug use, and now he has Hepatitis C..............maybe the reason I don't want to tell him is that I feel he betrayed me, then I betrayed him, and now it seems EVEN. Yeah that's pretty sad to say it that way, but that's how I feel. I didn't have the affair to spite him......it just happened. BIG mistake, and I know it now. I feel I have learned my lesson.
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No he wasn't......found out later he chased ALL his co-workers spouses. It was a game with him.
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How old are you and your H?
Do you have any kids?
How long have you been married?
Pep
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i am in my 30's, he in his 40's
we have 2 mutual children
married 5 years, together almost 10
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You are taking away his right to make decisions about his own life by withholding pertinent FACTS about his life.
I cannot tell you how much I hated my husband for hiding his affair from me for YEARS, and letting me have children with him. Maybe I would have chosen to stay with him -- but how disrespectful to take away my say in my own life!
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So didn't he take away MY say when he choose to hide his past drug use, have 2 kids with me, and now this disease?
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So didn't he take away MY say when he choose to hide his past drug use, have 2 kids with me, and now this disease? What does that have to do with his right to know about your affair? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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momx4, you have to tell your husband about this affair. This is information about his life that he is ENTITLED to know. To withhold the facts about his own life is CRUEL AND MANIPULATIVE. He may decide he doesn't want to stay in the marriage and ONLY HE has the right to make that choice. You have no right to deny him that choice.
If doesn't matter a damn what he did to you, it does not erase your obligation to tell him the truth. Two wrongs don't make a right.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So didn't he take away MY say when he choose to hide his past drug use, have 2 kids with me, and now this disease? do you love your husband? Pep
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I know 2 wrongs don't make a right, but can't anyone understand where I am coming from? A friend of his is in a marriage and she is cheating on him all the time, and I hear my husband tell me about it and the hurt he feels for his friend. I can't put him thru that. I have to live with what I did EVERY day of my life, there's nothing I can do about it. I have learned my lesson & know it won't happen again. We don't even live in the same STATE as where it happened, and like I said, things are better than they ever were. We love each other & I don't want to ruin that!
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