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#1738113 08/25/06 08:16 PM
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The lies??? My EX lied throughout our entire marriage.....now, my EX asked if I could keep the kids an extra day this weekend because she was going out of town (airplane). I of course didnt think it was a big deal, so of course I said it was OK. She said her flight left early Friday morning (this morning) and she would return late Sunday evening. No big deal at all right??? Well, my wife ran into my EX today at about 3pm. She said my EX looked stunned that my wife saw her. They spoke casually....and my EX walked away. My wife didnt say anything, but she cant believe that my EX has to continually lie. Why didnt she just ask us to keep the kids an extra day without an explanation? That would have been easy, and NOT a lie.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

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HI, I'm not really sure where to begin...I could DJ her but what's the point? It would be a waste of energy. My question is what's motivated her to change?

Also, do you intend to question why she wasn't on the plane earlier today? I would think if her behavior holds true to your line of thinking then, I would have to point it out and simply state that you would have been more than happy to keep them an extra day.

You may even want to add that if her plans had changed if would have been nice for her to call so that you didn't have to worry about her safety for the kid's sake.

I would just have to be RH with her. Perhaps you need a boundary here...if she is crying wolf then explain that there may be an instance in the future that she will really need you to keep the kids and you will be less inclined to do so because of your plans, situation, or whatever...not that you don't want to but it would be harder to accomdate her if she is using this time she should have been away for play...

I hope that helps in some way...it's just my thoughts on the subject...


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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For some people, lies can be just as addicting as drugs. Maybe your X is one of these people.

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I once got talking to two guys playing the guitar in a public place.
They were really good, and I asked them if they had any records made yet (for the really young here: records is what music was recorded on in the previous century <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).
One of them said yes and we talked some more.
So I asked him to write down the name of this record album.
Somewhat reluctantly, he did so.
The little paper he gave me read: "It's easier to lie."
I guess that about sums up the problem.


[color:"purple"]When we lose sight of the well being of others, it is like losing sight in one eye. (the Dalai Lama)[/color]
The Neutral Zone Theory
Doing the right thing vs being a good boy/girl
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Thanks for the replies everyone.

I understand what you are saying Rinderella.....its just my EX has a huge history of lying......its like the plague. I would have watched my kids regardless of what she had to do, but an outright lie to get me to do it is crazy. I didnt even need a reason, she could have just asked. I guess her lying is just a habit now.

My kids grandparents (my side) will not even watch my kids for my EX is she needs them now. She used to drop them off to them to be watched, but would show up hours later than she originally said to pick them up. She would just lie to my parents. They got tired of it......they still watch my kids for me time to time, but they refuse to do it for her.

Thanks again for the insight.......

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WOW...I'm sorry that you have to deal with that...

Best wishes for a great weekend!


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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She's not your wife any more. Perhaps she lied. Perhaps she has a logical explanation like a change in plans.

Why are you letting her personality disorders rent space in your head? The energy you spend on this is essentially like cheating on your present spouse.

Get over it!!!!!!!!


Me: 56
H: 61
DD: 13 and hormonal
DS: 20

Oldest son died 1994 @ age 8

Happily married 30+ years
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I think this is especially hurtful for the children.
You and your parents might be able to "cover up" for her lies for some time - if they are still little - but it will get to them that their mother doesn't bother to keep her promises where they are concerned.
She's telling them "I don't really care."
I'm sorry so many people get hurt by the selfishness of one person.
For the sake of your children I'd try to make her face up to her lies, and make her keep her promises.
Even if it doesn't work - I know from experience how important it does that one parent will stand up for a child (if that's the right expression in English) if it thinks it's been treated unfairly by the other parent.


[color:"purple"]When we lose sight of the well being of others, it is like losing sight in one eye. (the Dalai Lama)[/color]
The Neutral Zone Theory
Doing the right thing vs being a good boy/girl

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