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Need advice FAST!!!!!
#1738181 08/26/06 12:03 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 76
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btrayd29
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It has been awhile since I have posted anything here. My divorce has not been finalized yet and my STBX and I have been seperated for 3 months. We have 2 boys 3 and 9 yrs old. I just found out today that she has been bringing her boyfriend around my kids. HOW SHOULD I PROCEED??????

That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger
Re: Need advice FAST!!!!!
btrayd29 #1738182 08/26/06 12:08 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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ChaCha Offline
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Unfortunately in most states there is not much you can do about it legally. Do you have a separation agreement? Do you have agreement no opposite sex adult overnight visitors for either of you?
I know you must be sick to your stomach. Kids are smarter than we think. They know you are the Dad and OM is not right.

I'm sorry for your pain.

aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
Re: Need advice FAST!!!!!
ChaCha #1738183 08/26/06 12:13 PM
Joined: May 2006
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btrayd29
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We have no seperation agreement. Yes, my kids know I'm the real DAD. However, my oldest sons reaction is that he is confused and says she just wants a boyfriend...she is not thinking about the implications her decisions have on our children...and I am left to explain the situation to my children.

That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger
Re: Need advice FAST!!!!!
btrayd29 #1738184 08/26/06 12:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
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btrayd, there are a couple of things I see here that you can do. I would explain to your W that the boys are not to be exposed to her sleazy affair and ask her to voluntarily protect them from this. I would ask your attorney what you can do to keep them away from the OM.

In the meantime, your 9 yr old needs to be told the truth about what is going on here or he will be terribly morally confused. He senses something is very wrong and needs those feelings validated. He needs your MORAL GUIDANCE along with the TRUTH, that this is an affair and affairs are immoral. If you don't tell him, he will grow up morally confused and learn to doubt his instincts about right and wrong. Kids can deal with the truth, they can't deal with lies. He will also believe it is ok to have affairs. So, please take this opportunity to guide him through this.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: Need advice FAST!!!!!
btrayd29 #1738185 08/26/06 01:10 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
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Quote
We have no seperation agreement. Yes, my kids know I'm the real DAD. However, my oldest sons reaction is that he is confused and says she just wants a boyfriend...she is not thinking about the implications her decisions have on our children...and I am left to explain the situation to my children.

1. Do a full background check on the OM.
2. Secure your finances.
3. File for full custody of your children.

4. If your children need and IC , get it for them.

5. Create your personal support group and get them working on helping you with your children.

The very fact that your children are displaying confused attitudes is a big sign she is not a fit mother. Don't assume that because she feeds and clothes them that she is being a good mother. Good mothers do NOT bring their OM's around their children. She is an abusive parent hurting your children's emotional state of mind and heart.

L.

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