I have been here since 2003, and switched names twice due to the fact that I have bad memories with my sign on and password. LOL

Just a quick note about my story. I was married for almost 20 yrs, and have 5 kids. WXH had A w/ MOW, after trying to saving my marriage and realized I couldn't do it on my own, I ended the marriage by moving out and filed for D.

I dated for the sake of going out and meeting new people, with no intention of finding a serious relationship. I did meet 2 fellas who I became friends with, they both wanted more, I was not ready for a relationship, so I thought. Then I met M and we got along very well, I pretty much stop meeting other people. M & I took our relationship on a very slow pace, which we both were comfortable with that. M is divorced and have no kids.

During the 1st year of our relationship we only saw each other twice a month, usually during the weekends when I didn't have the children. After 1 year I introduced M to my kids, they all loved him from the beginning. M and I lived about 1 hr. and 45 min. away from each other. A few months ago, I moved closer to M, he is in process of selling his house to be closer to me too. Now we are about 35 min. from each other and see each other daily. He is finally seeing the whole picture of my life with the children and have done well with it. We even go to church together, with and without the children.

M & I have talked about marriage, and here is where I need your input. M is sick, a few months ago his condition have gotten worse. M does not want to be a burden to me, he feels that if he marries me then I will inherit the medical expenses, the burden of having to deal with his sickness, he feels it is not fair to me or the children.

When I learned about his sickness it was not a deal breaker for me. His sickness is not contagious. I explained to M that I could marry a healthy man and 6 months later we can find out that he has cancer, there is no difference. As I see it, I want to make the best of it, if God allows us to have 5 years, I would cherish that time with him, if he gives us 20 years, that would be great!

Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

How old are your children? Is M. terminal or chronic? Are you financially able to survive the anticipated medical expenses? M has a really good point given you have 5 children you are responsible for. If you marry M, and he gets a lot worse, I think your assets can be used to determine financial need. The hospitals etc may also be able to put a lein on your property if you two can't pay the bills. There could be very serious financial ramifications for the children. On the other hand, you and M may be in a place where you can weather that part well.

If the children are young, will they be equipped to deal with an ill person in the house? If M is terminal, will the children be able to deal with him passing? Remember, they've already had one loss when their parents go divorced.

You may want to read some on dealing with chronic illness. Check out the thread on EN and there are several good books.

Greengables,

Thank you for your reply. I just needed time to be able to sit down and reply back. Last weekend I was at the hospital with M, and work have been consuming this past week.

M have diabetes type 1 and recently his kidneys have failed, he is on dialysis 3 times a week. My 2 older children are aware of his condition, they are 20 and 12. My 3 other children are 10 and 8, they know he was sick and was in the hospital, but it really has not sink in, they don't ask, so I don't say anything. My 12 year old asked and I was honest with her, she seems to have handle it well, she is the closest to M.

I know my children have endured so much with the divorce, but I feel that dealing with an ill person in the house is part of life. Perhaps that is my view because I went through that when my father was diagnosed with cancer; my siblings and I were 12, 13, 17 and 19. I was very close to my dad and was beside him when he passed away. I chose to be there. During the time he was sick, I spent many hours talking to him, sharing my thoughts and feelings. It made me a stronger person.

The financial side does concern me, this is something we definitely need to work out.

In all honesty, this should be something to worry about later. During this past week, I saw other signs that have open my eyes and I need to resolve it before ever considering marriage. I will start a new post.

Thanks again Greengables.