I was nervous during the time leading up to the session.

I knew my wife was apprehensive and, at best, less-than-eager to actually attend.

The night before I left a card in her car and a small gift thanking her for being willing to attend counseling with me.

Saturday morning, the day of the appointment, we did our normal stuff. On the way home from one errand, I acknowledged that I'm nervous about the session. She seemed a bit surprised at this. I explained that I didn't know how she'd react to it, what the counselor might say, etc. She replied that "at least you're not the one who has to talk about their infidelity."

She made jokes most of the morning about hoping something would come up that prevented us from going. I almost laughed when she said she expected it to take only two or three sessions. I expect it to take two or three months of sessions -- maybe more!

On the way to the appointment she made it clear that if the counselor was either creepy or too old, she wouldn't come back.

So our counselor was in his late 20's or early 30's and my wife's first response was "He looks like he's 12 -- what could he know?" Can't win either way.

At first she was very cordial and closed. Very short answers and not a lot of elaboration. It was left to me to explain our problems and some of the background. I tried to draw her in by looking at her and asking "Is that right?", "Is that a fair summary?", etc. No deal. She sat quiet and still. It was clear she didn't want to be there.

After some time, she began to get comfortable, especially when she realized that he wasn't going to require she detail all her transgressions and lovemaking sessions with her other men.

She seemed to accept his statement that it will probably get worse before it gets better. She will obviously not look forward to those sessions.

On the ride home she was relaxed -- I was expecting silence. She seemed willing to go back.

I'm hoping this will be a positive thing.

Thanks to all who encouraged me and re-inforced my belief that this is the right path.

Good.

Now what is your plan and assignment?

L.

Good question.

No "assignment" given, but if I had to take one from the session it would have been the counselor's direction to put a hold on "exit strategies" for the course of counseling. He defined exit strategies as activities or behaviors my wife and I engage in when we are avoiding a subject or issue. For me, I bury myself in a computer game. My wife buries herself in scrapbooking. Both not harmful in and of themselves but when used as a mechanism to avoid confrontation and discussion, they can be harmful.

My plan is to continue to "Plan A" my marriage and prepare for next week. I suspect that we'll start to touch on some of the more sensitive topics next week (or soon) and I'll need some emotional strength to hold my ground as to my wants and desires and opinions and not give in just to ensure she doesn't run away.

Thanks for asking -- it's important to think about.