Today, I moved out of our family home into an extended stay hotel.

On June 9th, my husband of 17+ years told me that he thought he wanted a divorce. Wasn't interested in working on things, wouldn't consider counseling. He stayed in our home.

In July, we started Marriage Counseling, but it wasn't a great experience. He came to the sessions, but didn't really participate and essentially refused to do the homework the counselor gave us (talk to each other, go on dates, etc.). His heart wasn't in it. Actually at our last session, the MC suggested that maybe we weren't ready for MC since we weren't actively trying to work on the marriage.

About a week ago, I had a mammogram which didn't go well. As a favor to me, he agreed to some sexual intimacy the day before I met the surgeon. This was the first time we'd had any physical contact since the night before he asked for the divorce. There was no passion, no affection, it did not meet my emotional needs (though physically it was ok).

Tomorrow I get the biopsy results from my mass. I'm a little uneasy, because the surgeon left me a cryptic message about how I shouldn't panic but the results weren't what they had expected (what they had expected was some sort of harmless adenoma thing).

Meanwhile, husband goes away on business, does not come home when expected. Turns out, he'd spent the night in a casino spending money we can't afford. Sigh. Finally came home 26 hours after his expected return so he could tell our kids about the separation.

It went better than I expected in some ways. My counselor (not our marriage counselor, but an individual counselor that our MC referred me to at my request) had given me lots of help in making a plan to do this. Right now, I'm just lonely trying to avoid calling my husband, which I know is exactly the wrong thing to do.

I've been lurking here since June, trying to make sense of things.

Just wanted to introduce myself. This posting is pretty garbled, but I'm pretty stressed right now. I'll try again later...

Welcome....The Weekend is a little slow but plenty of good help will be avaialble on Monday. Is you husband having an affair?

You may also want to post over on the GQII forum. There is more traffic over there.

Hang in there..

Hope you will jump over to General Questions. It does sound like your husband may be having an affair. You need to do some snooping, but first find out everything you need to take care of for your health.

We have a member who is going through something similar - she is having surgery on Thursday.

Hang in there, and keep posting and reading.

By the way, we always suggest that the one who doesn't want the marriage move out (if anyone moves).

Welcome, and good luck with the results. If the results come back worst case scenario, jump over to Emotional Needs and post something there. Either ask for Stellakat or put breast cancer in the topic line. Stellakat had it, did the surgery, chemo and possibly radiotherapy drill. She’s doing great and is an inspiration.

Do you have a lawyer? If not, get one. Follow the lawyer’s advice with regards to joint accounts and the house. Usually, a lawyer will tell you NOT to move out. Moving out can be construed as abandoning the marriage, the marital property and even the children if you don’t take them with you. Divorce law varies greatly from state to state which is why you need a lawyer asap.

Also, you need someone to be your advocate now. You have enough on your plate and when people are overtaxed like you, they don’t think as well.

Keep us updated. Let us know how your test comes back.